In desperate need for help

[WhiteShark]

I gave birth to my fisrt born 5 months ago. Even prior to giving birth I felt anxiety and extreme sadness. I also always feel like everyone is against me. I also feel like my partner and his ex may still be communicating despite him telling me that they're no longer talking. I have lost all interest in meeting and talking to my friends. I only communicate with them when they reach out first because I feel like they won't understand. I'm getting extremely frustrated and most of the time I end up crying on my own or starring into space thinking how I can escape these feelings. I wish I could just run away.

[kelskel]

Sounds like you may have some postpartum depression. You may want to reach out to your doctor and get some help. You might have had some depression before but having a baby and with the hormonal ups and downs it can turn into postpartum depression after giving birth.

[WhiteShark in reply to kelskel]

Thank you for your response. I will try to reach out to my doctor. I did try several times but I just didn't go through with it. I had this thought that if it is indeed post partum they might limit my time alone with my child. He's my only source of strength.

[kelskel in reply to WhiteShark]

They aren’t going to limit your time with your child unless you are a danger to the baby or yourself which doesn’t sound like you are. Many women suffer from postpartum depression. It’s a lot more common than you think. There are many safe antidepressants that you can try without harming your baby if you are breastfeeding and an OB-GYN can help make the determination as to a course of treatment that is safe for both you and the baby.

[WhiteShark in reply to kelskel]

Thanks for reassuring me. I did advice my doctor about it once. I'll try again

[Imakook]

Hi, WhiteShark!

There's something about anxiety you need to know:

YOUR HEAD IS LYING TO YOU!

OK, now that I got that out of the way, I feel better. All of these "untrue" statements are rolling around in your head repetitively...over & over.

Back in the day there used to be a scary movie where the promo ad had people saying, "It's only a movie...It's only a movie..." over & over. So you are being told lies, which is not fair to you or the little guy. As was already mentioned; probably post-partum blues, so you probably need profrossional help to assess what would be best for you to get feeling better.

If able, you could try guided imagery. Not as difficult as one would think. You breathe in your nose for 4 seconds & out your mouth for 8 seconds (you're letting icky stuff/thoughts out). Next, think of a happy, peaceful & beautiful place that you love. It should be a place where you've been. Out loud, describe the feelings. The feel of the hot sand, but so cool beneath; the feel & smell of the breeze; the clicking of the palm fronds in the trees as the breeze softly blows through; the comforting feel of the warm sun on your skin & coolness as sun is behind a cloud & the air brushes your arms.

Hopefully it will help to calm you. Just remember..."It's ONLY a movie."

Love & HUGE hugs to you, sweetie. Pamper yourself (baths, books, candles, music) as often as you can & believe your husband instead of the lies!

Peace to you - Colleen

[Agora1 in reply to Imakook]

Great response Colleen. Wishing you peace & calm. xx

[Imakook in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. You're good people, Agora! I'm really glad you're on this forum!

[Agora1 in reply to Imakook]

Thanks dear. It goes both ways. xx

[WhiteShark in reply to Imakook]

Hi Colleen,

Thank you for the response. It does help to breathe through the negative thoughts, but I guess the hardest thing for me to do is to believe my partner's words. I don't know what's wrong with me, but everytime a word comes out of his mouth I always end up thinking he probably is just trying to tell me what I can handle at this point. I know he's a good man, but sometimes I feel like he's only protecting himself and his ex girlfriend. Everytime I try to have a conversation to clear my mind, he refuses to do so. Therefore, I end up not knowing who to belive.

[Imakook in reply to WhiteShark]

Hi WhiteShark!

It seems that you are possibly "waiting for the other shoe to drop". That is unless your boyfriend is giving you good reason, like if he cheated on his ex, or if he is unable to account for blocks of time.

Because I'm in AA, I know that my HP (Higher Power) will listen when I ask for help turning negative thoughts into positive ones or redirecting dark thoughts into taking care of baby or doing good for those that need it.

Also, I can't stress enough, pamper yourelf!

[WhiteShark in reply to Imakook]

I would like to pamper myself enough to at least get rid of the negative thoughts, but it's way too impossible. The baby demands so much time and attention that even continuous sleep has turned into the wildest dream(sorry to reference on Taylor's song). Also, about cheating; I do feel cheated on. Despite having him around, it still feels as if he cares more about his ex. In our first month in the relationship, his ex called him and he said he did not get the chance to tell her that he was dating me. I let it pass, didn't bother me then, but it happened again and it was on my 2nd month of pregnancy. His ex called him again and it was a nightmare. Although he did tell her that we are having a baby, he still took the call and comforted her, he even confessed that they still have not had proper closure. It's upsetting until this point. Maybe, I'm just being crazy but I really think he still loves her more than he loves me and it is frustrating.

[Imakook in reply to WhiteShark]

Oh, sweetie. What a bummer! I'm sorry that you're going through this. Man, he needs to grow a pair!

So he must feel guilty?

Could he at least watch his baby while you go get a massage, or hang out at a jacuzzi, or go have an ice cream cone?!

Hopefilly you do follow up with your Doc about your depression. I know! Maybe he can watch the little one while you go to therapy! lol!

Sorry, I'm sure things will look brighter soon once you get the help that works for you.

I'm actually pretty cynical today and I AM feeling bad about it. I do go to therapy & take anti-depressants. I was feeling really good. I was hoping to hear from Long Term Disability soon, but now it got delayed for a few more weeks. I applied in April. I had a horridly debilitating surgery last October & haven't worked since. I'm in tons of pain & I don't think I even care anymore! I've been working so hard on myself. Injections, biofeedback, pool therapy. Sorry, now I'm on the pity-pot! Tomorrow will be better.

So, WhiteShark. Lets concentrate on you getting out of your funk. The better you feel, the quicker you'll be able to communicate with your boyfriend. Hang in there and we'll connect again soon!!!

[WhiteShark in reply to Imakook]

I appreciate you taking the time to comfort me despite your current situation. I know people has had tougher times than I do. I will try my best to get better, to think positively. I hope you feel better soon as well.