Desperate for support. Feel very alone in this battle

[enya621]

Hi everyone. I’m new here. I’m a 39 yr old female who has been struggling with major depressive disorder for about 15 years. I’ve been on every SSRI, SNRI, antipsychotic, and benzo out there. I even had ketamine infusions and ECT treatment in the last years. Some have given me minor improvement. Sometimes even for 2 or 3 years but then it just wears off.

Last year my father died, then his mother a year later. I’ve been on downward spiral since with no med even making a dent in my mood. I’m not suicidal. Never have been because I’m so scared of dying. But I do feel like the universe has cheated me. I try so hard to improve my mental health, go to therapy, keep my psychiatrist appointments, etc. But this year, I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel. I don’t know anyone else with depression. At least, no one talks about it. You know the stigma goes. I feel alone, broken and abnormal. Even my wonderful supportive husband doesn’t fully understand the extent of my illness and why I haven’t been able to feel better.

I’d like to make some friends who are going through something similar and can provide suggestions, advice, etc. Thank you for reading this.

[kenster1]

hi welcome to you very sorry to hear of your losses we have another group on here called bereavement care and share its really understanding and very supportive it may be of added support to you a long with this page.god bless and take care.

[enya621 in reply to kenster1]

I will check out the group. Thank you for that.

[Hidden]

Hello enya and welcome. I am so sorry to hear of your pain. Depression is far more common then people realise and it is sad that some people cannot under stand us that suffer from it. It is so hard that you do not respond to medication or ECT. I really feel for you. I hope you find comfort on here and make some friends.

[enya621 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. People seem really supportive here so far and I’ve only just signed up. It’s bringing me a little Hope already. Thank you

[Sprinkle1]

Wanted to say Hello, you have come to a good place for support. Depression I am sorry to say is very common an estimated 20 million suffer with it in the U.S.

I am a sufferer, it has dogged me all my life and this time it has anxiety with it, and the med's do not seem to be of much help. I am reading a book by Clare Weeks MD, Hope and Help for Your Nerves. it is very good, you may want to pick up a copy, it is in paperback. My heart goes out to you for your pain and suffering, lean on us here we will help you if we can. I send you Peace, love and Hugs.....Sprinkle 1.......

[enya621 in reply to Sprinkle1]

You are so lovely! Wow! I can’t believe how quickly people have replied offering support and empathy. Thank you for the suggestion on the book. I will see if they have it on kindle.

[Want2BHappy3]

I have been suffering with anxiety and depression off and on for about 36 years. I didn't realize for about 20 years what was wrong? A doctor finally diagnosed me. So I've been changing doctor's and meds of and on since. I've gone to the dark side several times.

[enya621 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Have you found any treatments that brought you even temporary relief?

[elderspectrum]

I was very moved by your post. I have been struggling my whole life to fit in, and it has led to several hospitalizations. I'm 66 now and facing another major depression as well as chronic pain and health problems. I too have been on many different medications, but have not had ECT or ketamine. My heart goes out to you. I have faced losing my parents as well. I'm so sorry for your loss. Major depression and anxiety is common. We all hold out hope for better treatments. Keep fighting, Enya.

[enya621 in reply to elderspectrum]

I’m sorry you have been going through this for so long. And yes it’s true, we all keep hoping a better treatment option will come along. I try to stay on top of research and keep seeking doctors who will work with me. It’s a fight, but one can’t lose hope.

[Beevee]

If you haven’t already done so, read Essential Help for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. This book helped me overcome major anxiety and the depression ( depletion) that came with it. I learnt a lot and then applied that knowledge and changed my attitude towards the symptoms. Instead of doing everything I could to stop feeling a certain way, I gave up trying and let myself think and feel everything anxiety and depression could throw at me. And learned to let it all go. Over time, the symptoms melted away purely by accepting how I felt, being ok about not feeling ok. It is the constant battle to feel normal that is so draining and keeps sufferers from recovering.

[enya621 in reply to Beevee]

Hey so I checked out the book on Amazon. It seems primarily geared toward anxiety. What are your thoughts? I suffer from depression primarily with some generalized anxiety thrown in there. Just want to know before I purchase it. Thanks

[Beevee]

Covers depression too in the sense that the internal battle drains your emotional reserves which leads to depression, or depletion, which is a better way to describe it. Those suffering from depression are like a car battery that has been run flat and not given a chance to recharge or rejuvenate. If they give up the internal battle, the battery can recharge itself.

[Kainan]

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your losses and the tough situation you find yourself in. I take medication also, but I am so not a fan of it. It might take the edges off, but that's all it does; you still have to somehow take control of your own life. After all, it's only one aspect of the recovery process. What helps me quite a bit is meditation. If you can do it mindfully, you'll be able to declutter your mind and focus on the positive things you care about. Along with it, there's loving kindness, gratitude, positive affirmations; all these holistic ways of being good to yourself because you deserve it, all without needing drugs or trips to the doctor. Nurturing positive support is very important, and it seems like you have one in a supportive husband. It's a great start that you are on here and share and contribute and offer insight, because that is what communities do. And we're glad you're a part of it