Hi everyone. I’m new here. I’m a 39 yr old female who has been struggling with major depressive disorder for about 15 years. I’ve been on every SSRI, SNRI, antipsychotic, and benzo out there. I even had ketamine infusions and ECT treatment in the last years. Some have given me minor improvement. Sometimes even for 2 or 3 years but then it just wears off.
Last year my father died, then his mother a year later. I’ve been on downward spiral since with no med even making a dent in my mood. I’m not suicidal. Never have been because I’m so scared of dying. But I do feel like the universe has cheated me. I try so hard to improve my mental health, go to therapy, keep my psychiatrist appointments, etc. But this year, I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel. I don’t know anyone else with depression. At least, no one talks about it. You know the stigma goes. I feel alone, broken and abnormal. Even my wonderful supportive husband doesn’t fully understand the extent of my illness and why I haven’t been able to feel better.
I’d like to make some friends who are going through something similar and can provide suggestions, advice, etc. Thank you for reading this.