Anxiety over Abandonment Ruins my life - Anxiety and Depre...

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Anxiety over Abandonment Ruins my life

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I'm always overwhelmed by fear of abandonment in intimate relationships. I pushed someone that liked me and I liked away several times because I was afraid of beginning a relationship that will ultimately end. I also dated guys that I knew I wouldn't want to marry because I know I would be less devastated when it ended. Finally, I began dating someone I truly love and want to commit to, and for the first time I felt so happy and thought I've finally overcome my fear. But then the moment he acted coldly or rudely, even for a second, I got overwhelmed with anxiety and retreated and ran away. This happened too many times that he eventually left me. This just utterly devastated me because it just confirmed my fear that I will always be abandoned and discarded by someone i thought loves me. I feel so worthless and loveless. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust someone or even if I do, I doubt I'll have the capacity to have a long lasting relationship.

10 Replies

That’s really tough. I understand the fear of never being able to establish lasting relationships, but you can’t give up! Just because people have abandoned you doesn’t mean you’re worth less or unlovable.




Nothing will ever change that :)

From my experience, you just have to keep trying, keep looking for good people to be a part of you life. Try to maintain and improve the relationships you have, but if you do your best and it doesn’t work out, it’s okay :) what more can be asked of you than your best?

You are loved, you are strong, you are welcome here, we support you, we believe in you :)

I hope something in here helps,

I wish you the best!

Thank you so much FriendlyDude! It is true that I should do what I can, what's within my power, which is to maintain and improve the relationships I have and learn to love others better. I cannot control how they treat me, but I can control how I treat them and who to include in my life. If someone doesn't cherish me, I should let them go and focus on people that do. I wish you all the best too - your kind words really help me a lot!

I’m so glad I could help!

Makes me smile! :) Thanks!

Hi, I have similar issues. IV had some wonderful relationships in the past but most recently only relationships I wouldn't care if they ended because I seem to suffer such heart break... It got to the point that I just avoiding people I was interested in, and put up barriers so I wouldn't get attached.... Then I met someone and fell so in love, for the first time I totaly trusted her, I don't think I'd ever been able to trust before. Then sadly she died unexpectedly 3 years ago.... I have t socialised since. I just retreated in to grief and told myself I couldn't take such pain again now i just avoid forming relationships with all people because I don't want them to leave me feeling so alone again....

I want to have hope but fear loss and rejection too much..... IV even pushed friends and family away isolating myself....

Despite this negativity I couldn't trust fir years and feared rejection so much... But I did find love and trust..... So I believe it can happen for you too... Not all people are disrespectful, lie or cheat..... There are good people out there for you, for us all.... I'm. Just not sure I'll find it again. 🕊️🤍

Thank you so much for sharing! I'm really sorry about your loss and the grief and pain you've been in. It is indeed such an excruciating feeling to have someone whom you loved so much taken away from you. The irony about the fear of rejection/loss is that if we keep holding back by this fear, we'll never get the chance to form new relationships. It's really encouraging to see that you've found such deep love before and I have hope you will find it again. It's funny that I truly believe you will find love again, but I'm not so sure about myself. I really appreciate your story and encouragement!

Thank you for your kind words... For most if my life I feared rejection and found it impossible to trust after some difficult relationships, sadly that's how I feel again now even though I had proof for a while that didn't have to be the case. I guess it must the the default I revert to after hurt. It is funny how we both find it far easier to believe the other will find love and a healthy relationship with trust and empathy... But neither believes we can find that ourselves? And you are so right if we continue to put up barriers in finding someone ellse then we never shall know. So I guess trust is the issue and from your experience it's understandable why you may struggle with this. It sounds like you were treated so badly by previous partners... Just know this was their issues though not yours.... They chose to be (explitives).... They chose to treat you in a way someone who truly loved you should never do..... This is not your fault... There are people who will respect you for who you are right now, it's not you who needs to change... Your perfect how you are... The challenge for both of us is to find partners we deserve. 🤍

Thank you! It's definitely encouraging to see people like you here and friends and families who care about other people. It shows that love can take on many forms, not just intimate relationships, but also friendships and compassion for others. Trustworthiness is a really high standard to uphold because it requires conscientious effort and commitment. Maybe I just shouldn't expect that from people and just appreciate what I already have - the lifelong friends I have and families that really love me even though they don't show it that much. I'll also learn to become independent and not let anyone's opinions affect my self-worth - the more content I am with own being, the less fear I'll have of rejection and volatile relationships. Even if someone leaves me in the future, I'll still be fine on my own. I hope we can have that kind of inner peace and confidence someday and be patient and hopeful in finding trustworthy love.

Iv come to similar conclusions. I read a fascinating article on coupling... And non coupling. How being in a couple is seen as the norm, and how that's reflected in society and the law. If we're not in a couple we are seen as having failed in some way. And with lock down it's highlighted how being single can lead to further isolation. Like you iv had some incredibly intense and chaotic relationships and the fear of them. Leaving makes them all the more so.. So before I even look again I'm focusing on myself. As you said becoming comfortable with me with all my gifts and faults. To be happy in my independence..... IV often felt in the past I needed to be in a relationship so really need to address this as it shouldn't take someone else to make me happy. I have invested in friendships and found I can have an emotional intimacy with people without the need for physical intimacy.. I think this is a step foward.... It sounds like your discovering similar things... And perhaps we should be grateful for what we have and not what we don't... Being in a relationship shouldn't be an obsession or goal, that should be happiness... And if it time we find both all the better.... Love can take on many forms so. Let's explore them all, and not just persue one. There is much hope for us I am sure. 🤍

It's not wrong to expect a relationship to have trust... You can't have a relationship without trust... And there are many trustworthy people in this world. I guess when you have had such experience of having this trust broken it makes learning to trust again all the more difficukt. But it should never stop you from trying... But finding the strength to get out of you can't trust is something certainly I need to Learn to do... And realise there are people in the world that will betray our trust but there are people who will embrace it and mirror it... Perhaps we're just looking in the wrong place for partners lol

Pps.... Our past should not define our future 🕊️🤍

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