I’m new to the online support thing but I’m in a dark place, overwhelmed by impending loss and slowly healing from a recent, brutal breakup from a lengthy, emotionally abusive relationship. The damage done extends far beyond betrayal & heartache. I’m determined to rebuild my life and heal but patience has never been my strong suit. The severity of the pain makes me wish there was some way to immediately forget we ever met, that I ever loved him, that I ever trusted him as much as I did. I feel so alone. I have no desire to do anything that once brought me joy. I’ve heard of this before - it’s the epitome of depression- but I’ve never experienced it to this degree. I know many others have been here too. How did you get through it???
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Empath74
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Hey love the username! I am an empath as well. Welcome to the group.
When was your breakup? Was your partner a narcissist?
I know how you feel. Breakups suck but it’s time to focus on YOU. It’s time to love who YOU are and now you know what you do not want in a relationship. Never settle for less. You live and you learn from these things no matter how bad or good the situation was.
Have you tried doing therapy? I’m sure that could help a lot but if you cannot afford that I would say exercise helps and picking up a new hobby! You CAN and you WILL get through this. This pain is only temporary. I promise you will be okay. Your life isn’t over.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Ah yes, being an empath: such a blessing and a curse. As you know, a person can appear completely normal on the surface and yet we have this uncanny ability to sense their pain without hearing a word. I often become more focused on easing my partner’s pain (in hope of succeeding, resulting in a happy, healthy relationship) than I do on my own happiness and what I deserve. I finally accepted we had no future and erased my false hopes on Sept 6th. Two weeks ago I discovered he had moved to the Midwest with yet ANOTHER woman he had been cheating with for months.
Yes, he definitely had many narcissistic tendencies but based on years of observing his behavior, I could see when he was hurting and did what he could to ease MY pain - something someone with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder would never do. He could never admit these efforts were due to guilt or remorse but knowing him as I did, I know his pride prevented him from saying so thus he would always say his efforts were because he felt sorry for me.
I am in therapy. I started late last year and stayed with that therapist for nearly 6 months. He was very kind and understanding but as with all my previous therapists, I didn’t feel a connection. I ultimately ended treatment because I felt only time would heal my wounds. I couldn’t tell him I wasn’t getting anything out of our sessions. For the first time, I feel like my new therapist may actually be able to help me identify what I need to do in order to get on the path toward rebuilding my self esteem and remembering what it feels like to be happy.
It was so bad, my previous therapist likened it to Battered Women’s Syndrome, minus the physical battering. And he was so frighteningly convincing, I still can’t believe he fooled me and I stayed for so long. The worst part is that he was truly the love of my life - that is, the person I THOUGHT he was, anyway. The list of his abusive actions, lies, & betrayals is endless.
Hi Empath74, I agree that you will find the strength to get through this. I read your profile
and wondered if you are caring for both your parents in their home or are they in nursing care? I just recently did some research on Lewy Body and was appalled by the seriousness of the disease. Do you have any help in caring for your parents and I don't mean your boyfriend. That's a hinder more than help.
You are really getting a dose of life experience all at once. But don't allow it to cloud your
reality as to what is important and that is taking care of yourself as well. You need to find
some "me time" each day in order to allow you to regenerate your mind and body. It's important so that you can carry on with your duties
I would advise you to not give up on retaking your Radiology test before the final day. This
will be something for you to fall back on when the time is right. The timing may not be right
for you now in letting go of your relationship but your profile seems to show me that you
need to let go in order to move forward. If you don't you will stay in a continual cycle of
stress and depression.
I'm glad you are here on the forum where you can find some honest, caring support. We are
here for each other as a safe place to come to when the feeling is so overwhelming.
We're only a message away. Stay safe, stay positive, you've got this xx
When my mother became immobile, I was going out to their house every weekend to bathe her, feed her, etc. Thankfully, when my lease expired I was able to find a house very close to both of us and we moved in under the same roof. I was previously a social worker in a nursing home and I can tell you without exaggeration, she would’ve been dead in less than a year. Patients outnumber staff so the care is severely lacking.
Based on the severity of her condition, she qualifies for care 7 days a week. It’s not 24 hours but it’s a tremendous help. I step in during the hours that the CNAs aren’t here. My father is still able to care for himself but he puts no effort into his diet, which only makes things worse for his heart issues and terrifies me.
As for my ex, we were engaged for nearly 2 years and stayed together another 10 months until this past Sept, when I finally admitted we had no future together . The man I fell in love with was a total fraud. He was a master manipulator, a liar & a cheat. The pain is indescribable but HE IS and ALWAYS WAS the problem: NOT ME. I have $50k in student loans. Getting my license isn’t an option. Regardless of my circumstances, those loans won’t disappear and I certainly didn’t work my a$$ off to let some sociopath derail me.
I still cry every night but I’ve found lots of positive affirmations that remind me I am stronger than I realize, I deserve happiness and love, etc. Although it may take a bit for me to fully believe these things, “Fake it til ya make it”. It takes 30 days to form a habit. The first thing I’m tackling is changing my negative thoughts into positives!
Thank you for your kind words & encouragement. I know everyone here is suffering in one way or another but I can honestly say that with all the damage this creature caused, well beyond heartache & betrayal, I’m in foreign territory. I have a lot of healing to do but I have to remind myself, even Rome wasn’t built in a day. That makes it hard because I’d really love to forget all about him in an instant.
Thank you again for your kindness & support. I can already tell I’m in the right place ❤️
Thank you - it’s beyond words. Every day is a struggle.
I was actually just finishing a response to you when I saw your message. It’s amazing how much I’ve already read on here that I can totally relate to, 100%! I’m in the right place 👍🏼
OMG can't believe how many Empaths in this group 👍 I just happen to be a much older one, who didn't find out so much about all this til very late in life!
And yes I certainly feel ur suffering intensely! It really tears me up that such lovely & giving people seem to get involved & fall for these types 😥 It's almost like (I use to say) we have a sign on us or radar that points these selfinvolved & dishonest people towards us👎 Anyway Im quite sure u came to right place! I only happened upon this place less than a month ago, but it feels like a good fit!
I will write more later, I am extremely tired now & must go to bed. Please take good care of you & hang on, u are definitely NOT ALONE at all! Hope we can help in giving some insight & support to you 💕
I'm so glad you found our group-lots of great suggestions and encouragement here already! I just want to say that I'm so sorry you are going through this-but I am glad you are here and talking to everyone. I am also glad you have found another therapist. Please keep posting back here and letting us know how you are doing.
You are in a great place here! There is a lot of great encouragement and support here. I remember my break up that I had with my fiance', we had a 5-year engagement. We were going to wait for him to graduate from college before we got married. Fortunately, I had a great group of friends who were there to help me through the really rough spots. I also went to church. And, I had some great roommates who helped me through. I expressed my anger through physical activity. I got out and rode my bicycle all over town, I screamed out to God and told him how much I hurt, I wrote in my journal, I cried on my best friends' shoulder when I needed to. I read Psalms and Proverbs in the bible. It took me about a year to completely over the hurt, but I knew I had to keep moving forward. Today, I am so glad that I did not marry that guy. I met the man of my dreams about a year later and we got married and just recently celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary. - It is going to hurt now, but there is going to be something positive for you down the road.
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xx
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