Is all hope lost?

[BembaGirl]

I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety and low self esteem for many years now and it badly affects my relationships. I’ve always had my illness as an excuse for why I behave the way that I do and blamed my partners for not giving me the love and reassurance that I need. I finally met the man of my dreams and somehow my low self esteem has managed to push yet another guy away. He’s made me realise that I need to learn to love myself and work on anxiety rather than just searching to the ends of the Earth for a man that can be perfect in every way possible. I’ve always used the Marilyn Monroe quote “if can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. But my current partner does deserve me at my best and I’m now putting plans in place to finally help myself (which I’ve never done or even promised to do before) but now he’s saying it’s too little too late. How can I prove to him that I’m sincere? How can I get him to give me a second chance?

[Hidden]

Rebuild trust. Let him know that your doing this for him. You can't force him to do anything, but you can let him know.

[BembaGirl in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your response. I really hope that I can rebuild his trust.

[Hidden]

This is tough. I say you show him you’re sincere by following through with your plans in seeking help. Get help regardless if he stays or not, don’t make him the sole reason you’re getting help in other words.

I would think if this is truly a second chance and not a third, fourth or more he would give you a second chance. We don’t normally just give up on the ones we love, but we all have our breaking point. If he’s reached his, maybe give him time.

[BembaGirl in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your response. It’s always been me complaining about things that he does and he’s always tried to tell me that he isn’t going anywhere so I’ve never had to ask for a second chance before and I’ve never realised before the impact that my illness has on people so I’ve never made a promise to him before. I do feel like he’s reached his breaking point and I can’t blame him but I just wish he could allow me this chance to change.

[Hidden in reply to BembaGirl]

No matter what he decides, I see this as a positive thing, although I know you may not see it that way now. You’re ready to start managing your health and anxiety. Very brave of you to make a first step. Wishing you well. ❤️

[BembaGirl in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, that’s nice to hear 💕

[Inthedark23]

I can completely relate to your feelings. I think you first need to do it for yourself. It’s good that you’ve realized this and want to improve yourself but making the change for another person, I feel is the wrong way to start. Do it for you, once you’ve been making progress for yourself maybe try reaching out to him. That way you are strong enough to continue making progress if he decides not to give you another chance. If he does not come back to you and you are vulnerable it can push you deeper into depression.

[abc30]

You don't need a second chance, the world does't end with a men or a women. On the other hand why to not be alone? What is the problem? Many of us are alone and we live with that, fighting day by day with our problems, trying to pay bills for doctors.

[Want2BHappy3]

Stop talking to him about your anxiety, instead go seek counseling. I think he’d like that knowing you’re getting help from a professional. Eventually anyone close to you will get tired of hearing about what you’re going through. That’s happened to me so I try not to. My siblings accuse me of making things up.

[BembaGirl in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I started my first session yesterday and feel positive about and really want to put all of my energy into it but I’m just so scared that I’ve already lost him and he won’t give me this chance to better myself.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to BembaGirl]

That’s Great to hear. Have you asked him if he’s willing to try again? If he’s still not willing to. You need to move on and take care of your self. Men will come and go. It’ll hurt but you’ll be OK I know.

[BembaGirl in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thank you for your kind words. I have asked him and we’re going to have a chat tonight but I think he’s already made up his mind... and for a change this isn’t just my anxiety making me think that but I wish it was.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to BembaGirl]

Be Positive, he’s willing to talk if he didn’t want to try again he would have said he didn’t ? And if he’s said he’s done? Accept it , don’t beg you’d be giving up your Power. Know your Worth. Stick with the counseling regardless the outcome. Let me know how it goes ?

[BembaGirl in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I’m trying to think that but he did say that he would agree to talk about it because he’s a soft arse. Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to BembaGirl]

Hear him if you want? If he’s still wants to end it? Why torture yourself?

[Mrspjsmom]

If you are taking steps to feel better about yourself he will see the difference in you. If he doesn't perhaps there is someone out there for you that you haven't met yet. Either way do this for yourself. You deserve it.

[BembaGirl in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Thank you for your message.

[Hidden]

Hope is never lost in jesus name...

But if you dont believe in jesus just know hope is never lost...

Hope is another day to come

[Mack41]

Kudos for getting plans in place to help yourself. I’m in the same position, but I’m the husband being pushed away by my wife’s depression, anxiety, and anger. Nobody knows how anything will work out, but I know that if I saw my wife taking those steps, I’d be hesitant to leave and want to see if things could change for the best. First and foremost, I’d want to see her get better for herself, as I’m sure your man does. Best of luck to you!!!!

[BembaGirl in reply to Mack41]

Thank you very much for that response, I really appreciate it! I hope that your wife starts to feel better soon as well! I understand how difficult it must be for a partner as well.

[Mack41 in reply to BembaGirl]

Thank you, I pray daily she does as you will be in my prayers. You got this 👍

[Ollyvie]

Hello BembaGirl, Am sorry to hear you are having hard time with your boyfriend right now. Don’t stop asking him to give you sometime to work on yourself. You have to let him know that you are putting in extra effort for you. No one on this earth not even your parent will love you the way YOU do. You have to love you, so others can love you too. Whiles you are looking for Mr. Right, Mr. Right is also looking for Ms. Right. Meaning that you also have to me Right for him too.

I want you to change for yourself not because of him. If He get to know or see you as the changed person you desire to be, he will come looking for you are you will attract his kind. Let your actions or the Change do the talking for you and not your words. Get to work soon and your result will get him back. Identifying and accepting a problem is one step towards finding a solution to the problem. You can do this for you. Check this out and I think you might find it helpful. Resource about managing anxiety bit.ly/2tFd2fp. Best wished dear. Incase you need more information you can let me know and will link you up