I don't want to regret anymore- what happened to passion?

[LonelyLizzie]

I hate the word "regret" and to be honest, I'm not sure that I really believe in regret. But the "what ifs" in life are literally killing me. What if I had sought help sooner? What if I had taken better care of myself and my health? Would I still be going on 30, with no husband or children (just three angel babies), no full time job, and I never even finished my college degree. There are so many things I WANT, but I just don't have the passion about ANYTHING anymore. It's hard enough for me to get out of bed in the morning, let alone think about long term goals. I feel like such a failure sometimes, and I know "it's never too late" but I still can't help but compare myself to others my age. I'm just really struggling lately...

[Boyshape]

I can really relate... My brain spins with what ifs for the last 15 years. Everything I did or didn't do or say... It's like a thunder cloud that permenantly surrounds me... I couldn't finish my degree because I became too ill... When I was supposed to be starting my carear my head was all over the place and all I could focus on was getting through the day, and not long term goals. Ambitions became more and more distant then seemed unachievable. I have purple patches though when the world seems like my oyster and I am productive and achieve... But then I'm plunged in to a depression. I isolate and withdraw entirely from the world. Brushing my teeth becomes a daily challenge that I can't always manage. Then I feel like a failure. When you know your capable but your brain won't oblige. I was always in relationships, but have t had one In the last 4 years... I don't have family or children... IV pushed what used to be my support network away from me...

I used to have such passion for things. I would get excited, I could love... Now I feel empty and detached. I have two cats who are my constant friends and companions... They have literally been life savers...

I'm sorry you are feeling like this... I wouldn't wish it on anyone... But your not alone in feeling like this...

[LonelyLizzie in reply to Boyshape]

You have described my every day life. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, and showering are sometimes the only goals I have for the day, but I feel so dumb for even wanting to celebrating those accomplishments. Empty is the word I would use I guess.

[Boyshape in reply to LonelyLizzie]

I do understand, entirely.. I used to be a high achiever, I know what it's like to be able to succedde in my pashions. Now even getting up and showering and feeding the cats are the challenges I battle with... I feel empty too. I feel profound loss of the life I feel I should have. Its humiliating and generates little understanding from people. Despite progress in mental health awareness the attitude of even my parents is very much just get up and do it..... They have no idea how knowing you struggle with even basic tasks and show no interest in life is somehow your own fault.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. It must be hard for you. But we have to hold on to the fact achievement is relative... For you managing to do anything should be celebrated.... I would celebrate it with you..... When asked what I did with my day I never want to say well I manged to run my washing machine and feel proud, because I know Iv been working myself up to do it for a month.

But there is always hope, its got me through an awful lot... Even in the darkest of days the universe has kept me alive and given me another chance for which I am eternal grateful... I'm currently rising from the gloom... Slowly.... And moods always change they are never forever... Hold on to the light and you will find yourself reflecting on this time in your laugh and be able to smile because you conquered it. I don't think having the dream job or a partner or children is something we should be made to feel you have to have... Single life has its benefits.... I have more space in the bed.... Though currently occupied by my cats... Who I have to recommend as great therapy. Hang in there maybe the mist won't life today.... But it will lift.

[HopeandFaith100]

Well you have 3 angel babies! That is a gift. Put as much time, love, discipline (learning) and support in to their lives as you can now that you have this golden opportunity. They will grow up smart and kind and be like jewels upon you. They may be your ultimate reward, but you have to invest your time, love, acceptance and support or they will become like a burden. This is what you have now before you. You can’t go back, change the past and dwell so what good you can give to others in the present will be rewarded to you in your future. Although it has to be sincere and from the heart. You can’t just give expecting reward for yourself. You must find this love within your own heart and give it freely expecting nothing for yourself as doing this IS everyone’s ultimate reward. Blessings Lizzie!

[LonelyLizzie in reply to HopeandFaith100]

When I said angel babies, I mean they are in heaven. I had an abortion and two miscarriages...

[HopeandFaith100 in reply to LonelyLizzie]

I am so sorry. I am a social retard hence my name FowestGump100. Everything I say and do is wrong. I am sorry I didn’t read more carefully. Praying for you.

[gerrerd]

Regret is pointless ! everything is a lesson to be learned !

[Hb2003 in reply to gerrerd]

Regret leads to anxiety it’s like a rope that your holding on to and you can’t let go of it’s like this dread this anxiety that you latch on too you need to let go of the rope

[kvolm2016]

The regret and what if's are definitely a waste of the precious mental and emotional energy that you do have. If we had within ourselves the capability to not be anxious or depressed and to fix our mental and emotional health wouldn't we all do so? So instead of the past, what are you doing NOW to attend to the anxiety/depression? Medication, therapy, other coping strategies?