Terrified I have Esophagus Cancer. - Anxiety and Depre...

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Terrified I have Esophagus Cancer.

stellina04 profile image
36 Replies

So I also have health anxiety, I feel like I'm strange because I'm totally fine unless something happens to me. Anyone else?

I woke up the day after valentine's day with crushing pain in my chest every few seconds. When I would swallow or drink water it hurt going down. So I tried to eat alittle and it hurt to swallow then too.. my mom came over with milk of magnesia and it calmed it down from every second to every time I swallowed. By the end of the night I could eat toast with just alittle pain and every day so far it hasn't come back. I had my husband look stuff up and it looks like it can be multiple things including esophagus cancer.

Well that was it I panicked thinking it was cancer I'm terrified I'm going to die. I am getting a scope done on Monday but it feels like forever away. All I can think of every second is I don't want to die, I don't want to die.

It's like I'm standing in the middle of a crowd of people screaming for help and no one can hear me. I feel frantic and terrified and I just don't know what to do.

It's whenever something happens to me health wise I freak out. Before I was getting a pain in my breast and I swore it was breast cancer. I recently had thyroid cancer which I found because I was presistant in going to a specialist and I had like no symptoms other than one thyroid levels being slightly high.

So farni haven't had the pain come back, I ate really crummy that week and the week before, since then tho I'm scared to eat so I haven't been eating much and my back is killing me it's hard to take a deep breath. But I've been crying daily and freaking out so Im pretty sure that's my anxiety. The doctor told me to not worry, but all I can do is worry.

I'm scared I don't want to die. A friend suggested trying breathing and mediation I'm going to try that. Being so scared is really hard. In my previous post i explained that I started with anxiety when I hit 30 it's always worry about dieing or getting sick. Idk what to do.

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stellina04 profile image
stellina04
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36 Replies
hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

There are a million things this could be and cancer is the least likely. The fact that milk of magnesia helped makes me think you either swallowed something a bit rough, or even broken a small vein there. None of these are serious.

If you want my advice stay off Dr Google as you will go from a mild headache to dead in 3 clicks!

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to hypercat54

Right? I asked the doctor about the milk of magnesia helping on the first day when I had the serious pain and he said as to whether that would help if it was cancer I can't say for sure because milk of magnesia is really a diuretic it's not the best for acid reflux.

I also asked if I had cancer would it be visible in my bloodwork and he said no. The best way to tell anything is a scope.

I keep panicking and I'm not sure if I feel a pain or not now when I swallow I mean like sometimes I do feel something in my chest but not everytime. I'm so terrified.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12

I know exactly how u feel trust me I hate this it’s miserable 😩

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Amandasullivan12

Do you have anxiety like mine?

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to stellina04

Oh yes I’m going through it right now I can barely function it’s destroying me I can’t eat I can’t sit still I can barely sleep the fear that I feel is just awful it’s mental torture with no escape what u said about screaming that’s me I’m screaming so loud but no1 can here me I feel so alone and trapped in my own head there’s no escaping myself I have a husband and 3 children but no1 understand what we’re going through it’s a living hell 😞 x

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Amandasullivan12

It's so awful! I'm listening to everything my family and friends are saying and logically I know what they are saying makes sense but I'm over here like... Cancer can happen to anyone no I don't drink or smoke but I have acid reflux that I don't treat what if it caused cancer... I'm so scared.. it's like this is my life, I don't want to lose my life it's like I need help and have no where to go.. it's an awful feeling. And I have a hard time sleeping too idk if you do this but I'm so stressed and terrified that when I wake up in the morning my hands feel like they are shaking but they aren't.. my stomach drops and it's like panic all over again

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to stellina04

I know exactly how u feel trust me I wouldn’t wish this on anyone I’m having some health things at the minute n all I’m thinking is this is cancer how am I going to cope I’ve already played the scenarios out in my head I had a scan on Friday which they said they can’t see anything concerning had bloods done today n all I’m thinking is the docs gonna call and say we’ve found something n it’s serious I just can’t live like this anymore I’m fine normally but as soon as I have a health issue I’m right bk here n everything I get I always believe it’s cancer x

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Amandasullivan12

I'm the same! Like, okay I was fine before this I wasn't having any issues like the last thing I was worried about once I had it all checked out I was alright. But then this happened out of no where and I'm like if I was fine and this is happening and it's a symptom of esophageal cancer.. then I have it. Like that would be my luck. I play out all the scenarios in my head too.. like I told my mom I just know he's going to walk in after my scope and be like okay we found something not great..I just know it.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to stellina04

Same every thing is the same I know exactly what u mean and feel i just can’t live like this every time something happens with my health I feel so weak like why can’t we be like them ppl who just get on with it n think sod it what ever happen happens and I’ll deal with it but no we’re like terrified I just don’t know how to over come it I’m on 2 different anxiety meds and had cbt therapy n nothing works for this type of anxiety because we fear death and that’s something that happens to us all so it’s not fear of ppl or going out it’s a fear of something that actually going to happen one day 🤦‍♀️ And I swear adverts keep coming on about cancer and I’m like is this a sign I just hate this

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Amandasullivan12

I feel the same, I feel like such a weak person. It makes me so upset. I'm good at taking care of others but when it's me I just fall to pieces.

The advertisements keep coming bc if what you are looking up or talking about it happens to me tok I always say the same thing.:/

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to stellina04

It’s just draining it realy is but plz let me know how u get on with it appointment

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Amandasullivan12

I agree. It is. I will :)

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

Amanda, let me explain to you why you are worrying needlessly. When we become subject to anxiety disorder our nervous system becomes hyper sensitive. As a result our mind automatically exaggerates all our minor fears and concerns by a factor of 10 or more.

Nobody wants to die before their time but multiply that tenfold and you have someone convinced they are going to die shortly.

Everybody gets minor aches, pains and sprains but multiply the irritation tenfold and you have someone convinced that the ache is cancer.

Everyone gets indigestion occasionally but the anxious mind exaggerates that into an impending heart attack.

When in fact it's nothing of the sort. It's just health anxiety doing what it does best: making our lives a misery of needless worry when we should be enjoying life.

You may well have realised all this yourself long ago - but merely knowing it doesn't mean we can switch it off. Our nerves have become too over-sensitised for that.

May I suggest two things that in the fullness of time can bring about your complete recovery and restore your quiet mind?

Something must have happened to so overload your mind with anxiety that your nerves become super sensitive. It may be over work, grief, toxic relationships, disappointment, guilt or money worries. Or many other causes. But if you haven't already neutralised the problem that has caused your anxiety disorder then you must do it now. This may involve you having to be ruthless and extra courageous. But do it you must because nobody should be expected to bear the burden that you carry.

Often the original cause of our nervous sensitisation becomes a thing of the past but the cycle of fear-symptoms-fear-symptoms-fear we have entered self perpetuates the feelings of high anxiety and resulting symptoms.

Amanda, there is a way to break the cycle of fear and calm your nerves allowing you to see things that now terrify you in perspective. You must overcome the fear on which sensitised nerves feed. You must replace the fear you feel with something else.

That something else is Acceptance. No I don't mean you just accept the symptoms of your anxiety forever, that's ridiculous. I mean that FOR THE TIME BEING you accept all the bad thoughts and feelings. Let them come. Do nothing to resist them. Fighting only causes more stress and strain making matters worse.

Simply accept everything that jangled nerves send your way: knowing that they are false ideas and fake feelings that can do you no harm. It's called 'masterly inactivity'. As a result you stop feeding your sensitive nerves with fear hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Result: your nervous system loses its hyper sensitivity, stops sending you false worries and calm returns to your troubled mind.

That's the story, Amanda. The way out of the nightmare. And you CAN do it believe you me because millions have used the method of Acceptance devised over 50 years ago by Claire Weekes to recover. And there's no reason you shouldn't be next.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

I’m trying I really am but I’m just in a state of fear that won’t seem to leave me I’m just lost at the minute I’m realy struggling I’ve tried thinking oh well what will be will be but the panic is still there it’s so overwhelming Thank you so much for reaching out I’m going to look into this

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

Far better than I, Claire Weekes' little book 'Hope and help for your nerves' also published under the title 'Self help for your nerves' will lead you through her Acceptance method to bring you respite and recovery. It has helped millions to recover and as you read it you will feel that she knew you and understands completely how you feel. It's available new or used on Amazon and Ebay. It was written for people exactly like you.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

I’ll have a look I’ve heard a lot of ppl mention her my thing is what if I realy am Ill I just won’t be able to cope if I’m this anxious at the possibility of being ill how will I cope if I actually am I just wish I didn’t care and that I wasn’t so afraid

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

'What if' is a question we can all ask ourselves for eternity and there is no answer to it. If you overcame one 'what if' another would take its place. You are concentrating too much on the symptom and not the cause.

I do not see any mention of you engaging with doctors and medical tests. If you haven't it will bring you reassurance, if you have then you must accept what they say.

Remember this - you can't cure yourself of an illness you don't have no matter how hard you try.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

I have I had a scan on Friday which they said they can see anything and waiting on blood results

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

You should accept the diagnosis of the doctors using the latest medical science and their own knowledge acquired through 5 years at medical school and many years in practice. Do not fall into the trap of saying 'they must have missed something.'

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

I’ll try it’s just hard thanks so much for taking time to message me I really appreciate it

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

I know your fears will not disappear in an instant, but every time bad thoughts come your way you can remind yourself that you are being tricked by your nerves, that's all there is to it. You and your family are safe, you will soon have the knowledge to de-sensitise your nerves. Continue to do what your doctors tell you but before long you will come to feel the joy of life once more. Feel free to private message me if you feel it would help, I probably won't respond immediately but I will always respond.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

Thank you

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

Naturally it is hard, great things are never easily gained.

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

Just read that last message I sent they said they can’t see anything on the ultrasound

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

That is the news you have been waiting for, you couldn't ask for a better result. You will not have to face the future with cancer. Your family life is safe. I'll repeat that as it's so important: You will not have to face the future with cancer.

When you have a spare moment begin to read the book, you will have no trouble doing that because it's written in simple jargon-free language - and it's all about you!

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jeff1943

I just ordered this is this it

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Amandasullivan12

Well done, Amanda, that's it, a book that has been changing lives for half a century. But remember, the knowledge it brings does not cure you, it's you acting on that knowledge that does that.

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Amandasullivan12

Amanda, do you feel like if you tell yourself your ok that it will jinx you? My mom and husband always tell me to stay positive and stop thinking of the worst case but I worry that if I keep saying your ok that I won't be ok or it will jinx me. Like if I say I'm okay I'm okay then I'll be super broken if I find out I'm not ok..

Just woke up having then worst panic attack. I was trying to relax last night and I kept g trying heart palpitations..

Amandasullivan12 profile image
Amandasullivan12 in reply to stellina04

I know what u mean I feel like if I think positive I won’t be prepared for what’s coming if that makes sense honestly I’m just realy struggling at the minute I wake up every morning with the feeling of fear just running through me I can’t control it I can’t even relax I’m constantly pacing I’ve gone from throat cancer they done a scan n said looks fine to now well it’s mouth cancer I just can’t keep doing this mine started nearly 4 weeks ago I woke up n under my chin was realy puffy every day I wake up it’s looks swollen again but starts to go down after a hour or so I’m just sick of feeling like this like if the blood tests come bk ok which I have a feeling they won’t but if they do then what I just don’t know how to get over this x

Dptchluv profile image
Dptchluv

I understand. I am the same. I've been duskie diagnosed with diabetes, hypertension, breast cancer. Im super hypersensitive to everything going on in my body so panic and anxiety is an everyday thing for me now. I wish you well. Good luck Monday

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Dptchluv

I am so sorry you have been diagnosed with those! I hope you recover very soon! Exactly, I'm super hypersensitive to every feeling and when I'm anxious it is 10 times worse!

Itzallgood1 profile image
Itzallgood1

I know acid reflux can have that effect like that. I have that and Barrett's disease. Which is where the stomach liner to the esophagus stays open too long I believe. That can usually have a burning effect also. But I'm hoping that it isn't serious for you. Keep me posted on your scope. I'd like to know and see what their direction is for you.

stellina04 profile image
stellina04 in reply to Itzallgood1

What kind of problem do you have with your esophagus? What does it feel like? I've had acid reflux for a few years now and I never treat it usually tums will stop it. I've never had an experience like that before. I don't smoke or drink, did/do you?

Thank you! I'm so sorry you suffer with that! Ill let everyone know for sure. I'm really scared tho I don't want cancer.

Itzallgood1 profile image
Itzallgood1 in reply to stellina04

Feels like your heart is on fire. Sometimes can be little or alot. I take lansoprazole (generic prescription) prescription by a doctor. I did smoke years ago and drink very little. I have burning sensations all up and down the esophagus. That's the Barrett's disease. My stomach also feels like it's on fire. They usually tell you to eat healthy for that. Crossing fingers and praying for you.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943

Merlin, you are having problems with your esophogus. Have it investigated by doctors by all means but I want you to know there is a very common symptom of anxiety disorder called Globus Hystericus: it makes you feel like there's an obstruction in your throat. But on examination there is nothing there to account for it physically, it's nerves playing up again.

25 years ago I had it and had a barium meal test st our local hospital to investigate it but of course nothing showed up. I was immediately reassured by this and immediately forgot about it and the symptom passed never to return.

In view of your swallowing problem based on the region of your throat it crossed my mind that it could be caused by this Globus Hystericus.

stellina04 profile image
stellina04

It didn't just feel like something was in my throat tho when I swallowed it hurt my chest so bad and when I had my husband look it up it can be many things but it can also be esophagus cancer... I just feel like I know it's going to be that. I just don't want to die idk what to do

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