Everyday I read on here the effect it has on family and friends When someone takes their own life but how do you get past the torture that I’m feeling everyday with the fear inside my body.
I’ve tried 3 lots of meds now Admittedly only in the 2nd week of the 3rd lot, tried cbt and have some counselling but every morning just gets worse.They say try distraction but whatever I do the thoughts are in my head, they say go for a walk but the fear is so bad I can’t go out on my own.
I can’t watch the tv or read a book as cannot concentrate, all I think about is stopping this torture inside me. I do t want to talk to people as they always ask how you are and say it will get better.
I don’t want to die but not sure how much longer I can survive
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Whiskers16
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Hey Whiskers16, I've been where you are.... in fact within the past 2 months, I was in that exact place. It's the worst feeling imaginable. Just feels like you're stuck in quicksand, and don't know if you'll ever get out. There really isn't an answer to what it will take to get through this. At some point, the change just kind of happens. I found chatting with those that "get it" to be most helpful. I also found that I needed to start small. For me, cleaning and organizing my immediate space, helped bring some peace and calm. Trying to meditate everyday has given me 10 minutes that I can just attempt to acknowledge the thoughts in my mind while not forcing them to stop. Focusing on a new project/hobby, allowed me to quiet down my mind for a period of time. It's a slow process, but I look back to where I was a month ago and 2 months ago to where I am now, and it's a massive difference. Just needed to take small steps. I and others in the community are here for you to "talk" to.
Thank you... this has been going on for 4 months now this time. From the minute I get up I’m pacing the house as can’t sit still.
I do jobs around the house but clock watch most of the day praying for the time that I can take my tablet and get a few hours sleep. But these thoughts of giving up are there all day... it’s so so hard
I hear that. I've been marveled by the brain lately... it's one of the things that's supposed to help keep us alive, but also simultaneously works to destroy us. Since you have a tablet, do you know about the different apps for meditation that are available? Have you ever tried any? If you had asked me a month ago to try meditation, you would've heard me laugh in your face and brushed it off as a ridiculous non-helpful idea. One of my friends encouraged me to check out the Headspace app... and with a lot of reluctance I've given it a chance. Almost 4 weeks later, it's become a part of my day. I'm starting to understand that it's okay for the thoughts to be there all the time.... because they will be there.... all. the. time. That said, I can acknowledge they come and go, so I can let myself focus on something else.
I wish I was as strong as you I have tried to meditate, I do a 10 minute one before I go to sleep each night but during the day my thoughts are racing with such speed that I can’t concentrate.
I never been able to get to the stage where I’ve been able to accept the thoughts and move on.
With the constant anxiety feeling in my chest sometimes I realise I’m actually hardly breathing at all .
We don't really know each other yet, but since you're on this website putting yourself out there for others to hear and see you, you're really strong, courageous and brave. It easy to lose sight of that. Seriously, I've been and still on some level exactly where you are. Maybe we can work together to help each other out and get ourselves to that next step. Think tortoise and the hare.
That anxiety thing is a pain in the ass for sure. I've been taking things second by second over the past few months as I slowly move forward. It's by no means easy, and there have been setbacks... many of them. There hasn't been a second where my thoughts aren't racing and I'm not analyzing all of them.... thoughts of my past relationship, what I did, what she did, how I wish I could've done things differently, how I wish she could've done things differently, how I wish she was still a part of my life, etc. etc. etc. It's crazy how much those thoughts are so pervasive. Then the anxiety kicks in, and it becomes easy to fall down that spiral.
One of the things I've done that I find is more helpful than I thought, is journaling everyday (also a new strategy I'm trying). The help isn't necessarily what I'm writing everyday, but that I'm writing and able to look back to previous entry to see the progress. It's a humbling thing to know where I was and see where I am today.
Also.... it's great that you're giving the meditation thing a shot. Keep going with it. Every little bit helps. I haven't been able to stop all the thoughts yet, and struggle with staying focused while meditating.... but there's gotta be some good to it. Millions of people who've been using it over thousands of years must've gotten something out of it, right?
Thank you so much for your support, people who haven’t suffered don’t have a clue
The stupid thing is, my partner and I parted last year and have had one hell of a year with lots of agro which was what started the anxiety but unbelievably we started talking properly a couple of months ago and have agreed to give it another go( we have an 18yr old daughter)
I honestly thought that the minute he moved back in all the anxiety etc would all disappear But it’s actually got worse and he is struggling to deal with it!
I hide so much Of my problems from my daughter as I don’t want her to suffer, she’s given me so much support whilst her dad and I were apart so she probably thinks everything is fine even though I haven’t been able to work for 8 weeks but kids don’t always notice things do they. I put on such an act while she’s around.
I’m now frightened that he won’t be able to cope with all of this and go again... just wanna see a little glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel.
That's a sucky situation to be in. Are you able to identify what's triggered the anxiety since your partner moved back in? If so, have you talked to your partner about where you are and what's causing the anxiety? It's crucial not just for the relationship, but for you to be open about what's causing the anxiety. That way you can both understand where the other person is and how you can hopefully work together to address it. I'm guessing just the fear alone about your partner potentially leaving is what might be triggering the anxiety. That was an issue I realized for myself after my last relationship ended. There was a moment, awhile back that changed everything... and it was the fear of what would happen if the relationship ended.... that crisis that I know happens. Problem for me, was that it took the relationship ending for me to finally analyze and understand that was my issue.
It's unfortunate that not everyone is built to cope with another's mental health status. It sounds cliche, but a good partner should want to be with you and have your back regardless of how intense your anxiety is.
One of my friends, that I've talked to regularly over the past few months, has kept driving home the idea of perspective, and most importantly, not to diminish the impact of all of the chaos going on in the world right now.... pandemic, uncertainty about the future, politics, mother nature throwing everything at us all at once (fires, firenados, hurricanes, tornados, the kitchen sink, etc.), job loss, an expected massive economic downturn, etc. etc. etc. All of this stuff alone, for even those that don't suffer with anxiety, are also feeling the weight of it. It's a shitty time to be alive, for sure.
That said... there's a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. It might still be really far off, but it's there.
I am sorry you feel like this, but it is true it will get better. My daughter tried to commit suicide twice and thank God she failed. She went to hospital to get help, she met the love of her life. They both had problems but they moved in together and had a daughter. She is now 19 and she is still the apple of her mum and dads eye. I believe if she had not gone to get help she might have succeeded the next time. She changed her life and is a different girl/woman today. Please seek help before you do anything, talk to friends or family if you can. There are always people who can help you on the end of the phone.
Thank you.. I just wish I could talk to someone close to me about exactly how I feel.
I really don’t want to do anything silly as I have so much to live for but just want there to be a little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that things will improve. The anxiety is there The minute I wake up every morning and last most of the day and my brain keeps telling me this is how it’s always going to be.
I’ve done cbt etc but when I’m at my worst I can’t think or concentrate on anything but these horrid thoughts and even struggle to go out which I know is worse for me staying in the house.
You are not week. I too wan't sure about the benefits of meditation. But it does work. .... but meditation is like exercise, the more your meditate the stronger you become, just like the more you exercise the stronger you become. I have been through some major panic episodes in my life, each time I feel like I can't go on. I am so glad that I do otherwise I would have missed out the beauty of my children.
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I'm so tired. Of this. Depression. I know I'm supposed to be strong but I don't know if I can be
I just want to know...
I don't know if this was a good idea...
I’m sick of being called selfish
I dont know what to do
