New here, fed up

[lujasm]

Hello,

I’m new here.

I downloaded the App a while ago but not been active on it until today.

I wanted to try another option to help me feel better and get better, because I’ve been very ill and I just can’t do it any more. I don’t want to live like that any more and I don’t want to put my partner and other people through it any more.

I’ve recently started taking medication again, which I think is helping somewhat, but I’m still challenged daily by my anxieties, lack of motivation, poor sleeping, poor eating, exhaustion and emptiness. There is little joy in my life and it’s like I’m a worn out husk; I feel sad, lonely and empty all the time.

My life is pretty complex mentally and physically and lots of things have happened over the last 4 or so years which have drastically taken their toll on me. I was already wavering this year when the COVID situation hit us in March and obviously that doesn’t help at all...and a breakdown came in June.

I no longer work, often have poor physical health/mobility because of chronic sciatica, live in rural isolation with my partner who doesn’t support me as much as I’d like and need, which is very frustrating and upsetting. I have no family here and no friends.

I don’t quite know what this post will or can possible achieve, but thank you if you’ve read it.

I wish you well.

[Bobbleheadbuddha]

Stay positive my friend. We're here for you. I'm new here too. I didnt know what to expect either but I found encouragement in others who read and replied to my post. I must say I find this site calming to myself. I can relate with many on here and feel their strength with me. If that makes any sense. Take care my friend.

[sophie4]

Welcome lujasm!

I'm sophie4 and am confused because I JUST got you post that you wrote 9 hours ago. Please accept my apology for not writing sooner. THIS IS A WARNING TO ANYONE READING THIS POST: I have a CRAZY computer. There's no meds for the poor thing and I fly into rages when it gives me trouble!!!!

Oh, lujasm!!! I HEAR you...hopefully, you won't judge me as arrogant when I say I feel I really can understand so much of what you've shared. That's because we seem to be partners in so many symptoms...is that the correct word?

The daily challenge plagued by a multitude of anxieties, that horrible feeling of having a lack of motivation, exhaustion, that beast called emptiness, feeling lonely and sad and especially empty all the time is terrible. Having very little or no joy in your life is a constant futile challenge...or at least that's the way I feel.

I'm sincerely so sorry to learn that the past four years in your life have been what I guess to be a hot mess for want of a better description. And not working brings with it a multitude of problems, both internal and external...money! or the lack of...

I think it's a good thing that you're back on your meds but unfortunately it usually takes a while for them to kick in. Not being able to get a good night's sleep as well as not eating very much or I guess not eating what's good for you only adds to the sadness.

I'm new here but the time I've been posting and reading posts and replying have helped me. I feel connected to people who truly understand and are especially caring.

Oh that sciatica!!!!!!!!!! PAINFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! I suffer with it as well. Actually my entire body hurts due to an auto accident about...gee, two or three years ago. I was turning right and a car was on the shoulder going about 45 miles per hour...the lady slammed into me but at the time I felt OK. I'm a fool. Period. She was so kind to me, allowing me to call my sister on her cell phone (I'm one of the few left who doesn't have a cell phone), repeatedly asking if I was OK...blah, blah, blah...then she told me that I caused the accident. HUH? The policeman showed us the report and how it was crystal clear that I did not cause the accident. I wasn't driving on the shoulder...etc. But this woman told me I had my left turn signal on, NOT my right and therefore the accident was my fault. I had the correct signal on...it's an automatic thing with me...I even turn it on (the right one) when I'm driving out of this development I exist in. She told me that she'd help me with my statement...lo and behold, my final sentence was "I am extraordinarily sorry for causing this accident." Long story shortened...I retained top rate lawyers...they assured me that they go by the police report not what I wrote. For over 8 months I had every test imaginable, all with promissory letters that everyone would be paid when I settled. Every disc is herniated, lots of nerve damage...the works. Daily chronic pain and I confront sciatica constantly. My case manager told me that I should look toward a very substantial settlement. She sent my huge file over to the legal department and I received a letter saying that because of what I wrote they would not represent me. And that is that.

Gee, I wrote soooo much about me....stupid. You're suffering! Please excuse me.

What, if anything gives you any relief at all...not referring to the sciatica...way down deep in your soul, is there anything at all that can bring you a little comfort? I want to offer you something helpful but I also relate to a lot of what you wrote so I guess all I can say is I truly understand. Maybe once we get to know one another a little better we can come up with some similar 'likes' and share them.

Would writing about the past 4 years help at all.

Here's what I can do...I can listen (or read...whatever). I will respond to you. Know that I am thinking of you and caring about you. You've bumped into such a caring, kind, sincere community here...post, post, post. You will find that there are people who truly relate to what you're experiencing and will offer genuine caring.

Will write soon.

I'm thinking about you.

sophie 4