New here, just looking for support

[Solidrain]

I don’t really know how to start this but I guess I’ll just say that I don’t have really anyone I can talk to about my depression. It’s really hard because I’ve opened up to many important people in my life, like my parents and boyfriend, and yet I still don’t get any support from them. No one asks me how I’m doing. No one really seems to care. I just want to be able to talk about my feelings for once without sugar coating it. I really hope this site helps. Thanks

[Michael8072]

Hi and welcome to the site. I think you kinda just started. It’s a really good supportive community. I hope your able to open up and share with us what’s going on and feel some support.

[zperry4]

Yeah Michael’s got it right, this is a wonderful place, you’ve totally done that right. I’m really sorry to hear that no one has really talked to you or acknowledged it even, that has to be scary. But yeah, this is great for getting advice and just hugs from people, everyone here has been through something and is usually more than willing to tell it.

How long have you been going through it? What’s it like on a day to day?

[Solidrain in reply to zperry4]

Hi and thank-you for the reply! The kindness here is overwhelming.

I’ve been officially diagnosed with depression for five years, but I’ve struggled with it for probably a lot longer. Day to day is mostly low mood and low energy but I feel like I’m pretty good at hiding it and pretending I’m okay. Being able to stop pretending every once in a while would be great, but I don’t really have anyone to do that with. As a result I’ve been dealing with my depression alone for all these years. It gets pretty exhausting.

[zperry4 in reply to Solidrain]

Yeah, lol I have most of this too. The pretending part is tough because you know that a lot of people you interact with have gone through or are currently going through some of the same stuff as you, but it seems like there's a mystical barrier between you. This may sound insignificant, but sometimes I'm surprised by who's willing to talk about their emotional issues or at least just joke about it. Like I will casually joke about being depressed, OCD attacks, etc. and that can sometimes be an opening to talk to people, even if we're just joking about being depressed college students, and it's like just an ounce of not pretending that makes it easier. All I'd say is there's probably at least one person in your circle or that you know who's in the same pit, so there's a chance of making a connection. But it's super hard, don't want to sugarcoat it.

Do you do any self-care or mindfulness/meditation? That's usually the first place I run to after I've knocked out a tin of ice cream.

[Solidrain in reply to zperry4]

Haha that’s true! Maybe I should try the joking perspective a little more often.

I’ve never actually tried mindfulness or meditation but I’ve always wanted to get into it! If you have any recommendations for getting into it I’m all ears.

I typically use distraction as a coping mechanism which I know isn’t the best. I’m pretty avoidant with my feelings too which I really want to work on.

[zperry4 in reply to Solidrain]

Yeah it takes a lot of practice and advice, failing at it and getting to know your body and thoughts better. And most people don’t have the time for 30 minutes a day. But yeah it’s vital, like it adds years to your life just doing 10-15 minutes per day. Getting specific notes on how to do it from a therapist or yoga person is the best because it’s a difficult thing to communicate over technology, but the most important aspects are to specifically set aside time (10-20 minutes), do it and try it knowing that you’re gonna hate it sometimes and it’s gonna seem super useless. It’s not really fun and relaxing until like the 10th time. You have to build the little habits and techniques in your brain, which is specific to people. But stick to it, it’s the most magical feeling to have that control over your system. Don’t listen to anything, just get somewhere quiet, breathe slowly in and out from your diaphragm (belly, not your shoulders), slow your thoughts down, practice focusing on your breath or just a fixed point in the room (you will always fail at focusing haha like you’ll never be good at it, but it’s about improvement. I’ve been doing this 9 years and I’m garbage at it). The point is, make it something that works for you, do whatever makes your heart rate go down and your body temp warm up.

Avoidance is a place I go to a lot too, for sure. I think that the best way to combat this is to start by just acknowledging the thoughts and feelings you’re having. Like not just in your head, like say it out loud, “I’m fucking sad, I feel too tired to do stuff.” Or write it down. Give yourself permission to feel like garbage and not feel energy and all this. Try to accept it, don’t fight it immediately. Then just talk about it, cause that helps you to know better how you can move beyond these feelings.

[Solidrain in reply to zperry4]

Thanks so much, I think I’ll definitely give mindfulness or meditation it a try!

[SeekerOfTruth]

my Dear, I have suffered from acute depression all my life. I'm a fan of TedEx videos found on youtube on this subject. They say the answer, or at least a start, to easing out of depression is connectivity to others. Great, I said, but every time someone invites me somewhere I don't want to go. It means cleaning up and "pretending" I'm okay and the attempts at conversation are horrific! Way too much work. But you know what? No one cares if there are just listeners in the groups. In fact we are needed. And we get the benefit by just showing up and not 'working' at it. Hope this helps. Just show up.....get out, see people and the conversation will come later. No one on this planet was meant to be alone. I'm trying to trust in the Universe, but it's not easy. Let me know how you make out. xo

[Missingsun2014]

I so feel your pain! It is so hard to get support! People seem to think you just need to snap out of it! I wish I could get out of my head!

I’m new here too and now when I feel I need help, I find myself coming here. Keep your chin up! Someone here will probably help!

[CroixNoire]

Hi Solidrain, I’ve been through a similar situation. I don’t speak about my issues because my family just brushes it off. In fact when I try to open up about my depression, I end up getting hurt. I say don’t expect people to help you the way you want it. It’s never like that. I’m sure this site is a good place to talk about depression though. It’s a good start. We’re all in this together and trying to help each other out.

[Solidrain in reply to CroixNoire]

I’m sorry to hear that your family brushes your off too, it’s not a nice feeling. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone though. Thank you

[Tealribbon]

I can so relate!! I finally worked up the courage to share with a friend that my anxiety may be causing depression and she began to tell me I need to "get over it!"

I was so hurt and embarrassed.

[Solidrain in reply to Tealribbon]

I’m so sorry your friend said that to you! That’s definitely not what you need to hear. I would try not to take it too personally, she probably just doesn’t understand anxiety and depression that well and doesn’t know how to help. I hope you’re feeling better

[Tealribbon in reply to Solidrain]

Thank you for your support. It definitely caught me off guard. I read an article today listing things to never say to someone with anxiety and that was on the list. Reading that helped me to realize others have heard the same thing. Thank you again for responding and not discounting.

[Gillyflower18]

I understand completely. This site is great for letting it out. The people here are very caring and understand where you are because they have been there or are struggling right now like you. I don’t feel comfortable opening up to the few family I have either mainly because they say how well I’m doing even though I’m dying inside. I’m loath to spoil their fantasy! So it’s here or my therapist. Thank heavens both places are good. You’ll find lots of support and good ideas. Welcome.

[Hidden]

didn't read all the comments above but i just wanted to tell you about an option i recently learned of called a "warm line". it's a telephone hotline to call if you just need someone to talk to. it's like a crisis line for people who are not in a crisis, lol. i used to let things get so bad that i'd be calling the suicide prevention hotline sometimes to talk. but with the warm line you don't have to be so bad off if you just need a listening ear. i'd google it and see if there's one in your area and what their hours are.

[Solidrain in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much, I’ll definitely look into that!

[Perfcoach]

Know that you are not alone. I never cared for sugar anyways, so don't sugar coat the details