Miserable

[BlueMoon29]

Lately my depression has been really bad. I am unhappy all of the time. Like I cannot smile or laugh at anything. I'm either sad, angry, irritable or just blah. It's starting to affect my relationship because I snap and take it out on them or I bring them down with my bad mood. I can obviously recognize the problem but don't know how to fix it. I've tried just "snapping out of it" or focusing on something that normally calms me or makes me happy but no luck. I also do therapy but that's not helping either. I'm so tired of being like this that I'd rather not be alive at all. Has anyone else ever felt this way and overcome it? If so, how did you do it?

[Jeff1943]

"Once upon a time

Before I took up smiling

I hated the Moonlight.

Spirit of the night

That poets find beguiling

Seemed flat as the noon light.

Once I awoke at seven

Hating the morning light.

Now I awake in Heaven

And all the world's alright.

"Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone

Without a dream in my heart

Without a love of my own.

Blue Moon, you knew just what I was there for.

You heard me saying a prayer for

Someone I really could care for.

"And then there suddenly appeared before me,

The only one my arms will ever hold,

A voice whispered "Please adore me".

And when I looked the Moon had turned to gold.

Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone

Without a dream in my heart

Without a love of my own!"

Sung by Greta Keller with introduction 1935, hear it on YouTube.

Also sung by Al Bowlly without introduction 1935, hear it on YouTube.

They're playing your tune, BlueMoon.

What is it that has cast you so low in your depression which some prefer to call depletion? Was it disappointment, loss, overwork, toxic relationships, money worries, grief, lack of fulfilment in your work?

Can you pin point it? If so you must deal with it, be ruthless if necessary, it's your happiness at stake here.

Maybe you need the respite that medication can bring while you sort your head and your life out? Maybe you have already gone down this path. I would have thought any med that boosts serotonin, the happy hormone, would bring relief.

Meanwhile go to YouTube and play your tune. Preferably the one with the introduction.

It can happen to you.

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Jeff1943]

Two years ago when I turned 35 I went through a sort of midlife crisis. Started questioning my whole life, felt stuck. So I traveled out of state looking for something else. It started out pretty rough then got better but I left my whole life behind me. I guess I'm still going through it though, still questioning everything. I feel lost, don't know who I am or what I'm doing. I've tried meds before but hated the way they made me feel (but at this point how much worse could I feel?). I'm sure I'll figure it out, just frustrated. Thank you so much for responding. Those are really beautiful lyrics and I'll definitely look up those songs.

[Jeff1943 in reply to BlueMoon29]

You will not always feel like this, BlueMoon. It's just a testing time you're going through. You must leave your mark upon the world and in so doing build up your self respect.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Do things that make you happy. Even eat things that make you happy. And then maybe you will become happy. I know, a lot of those things cost money. But not necessarily.

I think a a new job would be a tonic for you. Look for one that plays to your strengths and your interests. Life lies ahead and you've more than half a life left.

The secret of life is to evolve to a higher form as a person. Just as all nature is evolving to a higher form in a biological Darwinian way. This is our mission in this life. You understand of course we have passed this way before and will pass this way again.

Unfortunately, the only way we grow stronger and wiser is through dealing with adversity. So hard times have their purpose.

I hope that before long you feel the beginning of your recovery and your spirit begins to rise. Good luck for the future: may it be long and (before too long) happy.

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thanks Jeff! I guess I know deep down that things will get better but it's so hard to get out of this negative state. I don't even find pleasure in any of the things that normally make me happy. Most of the time I feel like I'm in a fog. Maybe meds are my best bet to get through it.

[Jeff1943 in reply to BlueMoon29]

I think that right now you need the respite that medication will bring. Then use the period of relief to explore the options for overcoming your anxiety and depression.

[MJRM in reply to BlueMoon29]

Try the meds!! They require patience to get the right med, right dose, etc, but they are so worth the process! They can help surprisingly much. And any side effects can either be managed, avoided, or tolerated, depending on how you feel about them. You owe it to yourself to try.

I personally am struggling extra extra much over the past 4 yrs, but I’ll try any & every treatment that has any chance of success. I personally feel strongly that I owe it to my children to avoid suicide & at some point emerge from this terrible, crushing, debilitating depression as my old self. I’ve tried a zillion meds- on a good medication regimen now. Have recently tried ECT. (Had to stop after only 5 treatments- long story.) I plan to try ketamine. Just posted separate message tonight seeking advice from anyone who has suddenly gone from manageable depression to extremely debilitating depression & how they got back to their real selves

Just keep trying. Sounds like meds should be your first step. Tell us if you’re unsure how to obtain med treatment, ok?

MJ

[BlueMoon29 in reply to MJRM]

I'm thinking meds too but so scared to go on them. I always wonder about the long term effects and hate that zombie-like feeling. But at this point what else can I do? I'm sorry to hear your depression has been so bad lately. I have definitely had my ups and downs with it. Lately seems to be the worst for myself as well. Thinking of also taking a look at my physical health. I feel like my hormones or something else may be off. Maybe try looking into that for yourself too. I hope it gets better for you soon. At least you have children to help keep you grounded (and busy I'm sure!) and provide some joy in your life.

[Marysblue in reply to BlueMoon29]

Id say try natural antidepressants first, no side effects.

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Marysblue]

Yes, exactly. I'm back on my workouts and trying to eat healthier again. I made a list today of all the vitamins and supplements I want to take too.

[Marysblue in reply to BlueMoon29]

I mean natural antidepressants like 5-HTP and st. John's Wort and Sam e

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Marysblue]

Yes those too. I'm starting out small with some vitamins then going from there. I'm going to do some good research on the two you mentioned.

[Laurennnnnnn]

I wish I had advice but unfortunately I’m in the same boat as you right now. I hope you find ways to feel better soon 💙

[XoxoFaith]

This is me at the moment you are not alone I feel like I can’t enjoy anything anymore I used to always scared and depressed but we can’t loose hope

[BlueMoon29 in reply to XoxoFaith]

I hope you can overcome it too. I'm still trying. Getting back into exercise, walks and looking for something to get my faith back up.

[XoxoFaith in reply to BlueMoon29]

What has helped you ??? For me walks help me exercise too

[BlueMoon29 in reply to XoxoFaith]

The exercise and walks are definitely helping. Therapy does to some extent but I think I need a different approach on that. Talking to people is great of course. You feel less lonely. I also love music. I listen to it to let out a good cry or to help lift me up. I used to write a lot but stopped, may take that up again.

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Hi blue

I’m sorry for your state or mind.

Can you tell me what the therapy isn’t working and what type is it ?

T

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Tiggerakafidgity]

I'm just doing regular therapy virtually. I feel like it's helping me recognize my issues but not helping me really get over them. I've learned a lot about myself since doing but it's made me feel worse and really focus on the past. I can't stop thinking about the things I should've done differently.

[Tiggerakafidgity in reply to BlueMoon29]

Ok so things may well get worse before better as your bringing up old memories that may hurt or perhaps your ashamed of.

So it’s good that your recognising them.so next time you see your therapist,before hand write down the issues that you recognise just writing helps get it of your chest believe it or not.

Then beside each issue that you know of write down how you feel

Take that to therapy and then you have a little structure and I’m pretty sure they will help you to understand how to deal with or get over the feelings etc.

If you want to move on you’ve to forget about the things you are ashamed about.and perhaps if you’ve hurt some one.think are they making or giving them selves a hard time over it ?

I doubt very much indeed

I hope that explains something to you

Stop giving your self a hard time.

Therapy takes time.

Good news though ta da,you’ve recognised your issues and you want to deal with them.thats incredibly awesome

T

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Tiggerakafidgity]

Thank you. I definitely plan to bring these up on my next session. I know it'll help out in the long run.

[Tiggerakafidgity in reply to BlueMoon29]

Your most welcome.

Most therapy can take six months or even more.depends how many issues and how deep routed they.

I’ll tell ya the more work you put in the more you will get out.

It took me living on my own to actually like my own company and could never fathom why.

T

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Tiggerakafidgity]

I've dabbled in therapy and meds for over 10 yrs. For awhile I was pretty good on my own so I need to figure out what was different then. I was more independent then so you are definitely on to something there.

[Cutiey75]

I felt like that I have depression anxiety I’ve been on so many medication I think this medication is working for me I hope you find the help that can help you kill your life take care

[BlueMoon29 in reply to Cutiey75]

Thank you, same to you! 😊

[Cutiey75]

I felt like that I have depression anxiety I’ve been on so many medication I think this medication is working for me I hope you find the help that can help you kill your life take care