New, miserable, hopeless

I just joined today. Just adding one more thing to the list of things I've tried. I am so sick of feeling this way. I feel like I've done everything and nothing is helping. I am exhausted and I feel like giving up. Nothing brings me any joy. I am fighting with the last person that still talks to me, my mom, because she thinks that "thinking positive" will fix me. I think about how badly I want to kill myself. I cry so much everytime I think about how pointless my life is and how this amount of misery and suffering is inhumane.

[Camper2020]

Don't give up girl. I have been suffering for 58 yrs now. I was born with it and it's genetic got it from my father. Yes thoughts an emotions are so overwhelmingly negative you feel possesed at times

No it's not like a light switch to turn on an off. One major thing I've learned is those who don't suffer are the hardest to convince unless they educate themselves enough to know it's a reality an not made up. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT an it's constant battle. Are u seeing a doctor or on any meds? My heart goes out to you

[Hidden in reply to Camper2020]

Thank you for responding. I see my psychiatrist every other week for over a year, I see my therapist weekly. I'm on effexor, bupropion, gabapentin, xanax and clonidine. I've tried TMS and ketamine infusions. I exercise twice a week. I have a good career and I'm financially stable. I should be happy. I just feel so empty and sad and guilty. I spend all my time either at work or at home crying. I know what I SHOULD be doing but I just cant do anything these days.

[Camper2020 in reply to Hidden]

Wow. Hoping.theeds are working I've heard of the infusions etc. That I haven't tried yet. But have recently learned that people can be mom respondent to meds. I think I've tried them all an becoming non-respondent time for another phase. Anyways, note that we are into the winter months which can.very much effect us especially our moods. I'm going thru that right now and going nuts with it. I dont work anymore so my time has been very idle and my brain wont shut off aggravating. Do u think wintera my be affecting u?

[Hidden in reply to Camper2020]

No. I've been feeling this way for 18 months, didnt improve in spring or summer. What do you do with your free time? I hate work so much and I'm always counting down the time until I can go home, but then once I get home, I remember that I have nothing to come home to and nothing that I feel like doing. So I sit on my couch and cry until it's time for me to go to sleep. And then I work again. It's all so meaningless.

[Camper2020 in reply to Hidden]

Depression is real and it can lead to certain patterns of thoughts an behaviors, which sounds like your in. Me also. Is there anything u can do that will break the pattern up? I know depression can make u feel like bla an not want to do a dang thing but stare at a wall or avoid what your feeling by sleeping it away like I do. Youay need a companion mine is my cats a life saver but it's not gonna be my cure. But cats have helped. I to am.alone an no one to come home to or connect with. Do u have friends that u can hang out with to do stuff that will take up that feeling of not wanting to do anything? I have to push myself mentally to accomplish most things. Do u feel that your meds r helping? I'd write down some things u like doing outside of work an choose one at a time to merge in your week then the following week after that merge in another on your list. Baby steps kinda. It's been a very long touch road for me. And realize their is no cure fore am learn to somehow live with bit yes that is a struggle as well and getting support, advice, am those around you that understand will be most important to you. I pray that all suffers journey will be a short lived on with their illness with a very happy ending.

[Ohyona]

oh my dear new friend what yu

ou really need is to talk a lot with any body who wants to listen to you , don{t be alone at home call any person you know please or write here.

[Hidden in reply to Ohyona]

Thanks for writing. I feel like all of my close friends got compassion fatigue and were sick of being around a sad person all the time. So I dont really have friends anymore. My mom was my person to talk to, other than my therapist, but I cant be honest with her and tell her everything (ex: how I'm trying to think of ways to kill myself without mangling my body too bad so she wont have to see me like that). I've called hotlines but I have not found them helpful.

[Ohyona in reply to Hidden]

no dear you are alive to be happy this feeling is horrible but there are others ways of feeling, if you relate with others it will help you , do thong thing for some body else look for some one who need your help

[Billsfriend]

Can you tell s more about what you are doing, or have tried? Really any information you can provide, will help us to be helpful

[Hidden in reply to Billsfriend]

More details in my response to the first reply. Meds, therapy, psychiatry, exercise, transcranial magnetic stimulation, ketamine infusions. I dont know what else there is so I am losing hope that I will ever feel happy again.

[Billsfriend]

Some one spoke of Dr. Claire Weekes here the other day. I believe she has the answer you seek. Please give it a try.

youtube.com/watch?v=REOdAWC...(Not working as expected?)

[Camper2020]

I'm going to bed but KNOW THIS....you are not alone with your sufferings an I found that it helpse to know not the only one that can be this way but there are others lilee and we need to lean.on.each other for support which I r doing an need to keep doing. I've been suicidal an.thats not the cure. If I had succeeded withy first attempt many years ago I wouldn't have the joys I've seen an felt to now. YOU WANT TO LIVE !!! YOU ARE REAL BUT OUR THOUGHTS are just thoughts. I will follow you on here. I just joined today an u were the first I came upon. Look forward to tomorrow s, you never know when it will throw you an unexpected positive 🥺😯

[Camper2020]

Sorry for the poor spelling, it's late for me an my fingers to big for texting.🤪

[hatemyhead]

it seems to me that your psych has you on a ridiculous cocktail of meds. a couple that I think would serve to work against each other. Based on what you say and how you sound they are NOT working. I would look for a new psych. normally you would see your psych 2 -4 times a year, not every other week. good luck and prayers to you.

[pink318]

Hello- Welcome to the group.

I’m sorry to hear that you feel miserable and hopeless. I’m glad that your Mom is there to support you.

Do you have a pet? My sister was diagnosed with depression and having 3 dogs helps her a lot. She knows that she has a purpose of waking up every day.

If you can, try to attend a life group. Being surrounded with people who will encourage and pray for you will be a huge help to make you strong. I pray that you will get better soon. Keep us posted. Take care.