My mental jail cell of voluntary solitary confinement is caving in

[dhanson92]

I have never been so down and out in my 27 years of being alive until today. Depression, generalized anxiety disorder has been wreaking havoc on whatever is left of my broken, irreparable feeling mind. I lost my job yesterday, I’m getting kicked to the curb on Sunday by my room mate. I have no where to go and all of my so called friends and family have shown their true colors of how much they give a fuck. I have been sober since February 23 and somehow I have managed to stay strong and am still sober now. I have been grinding all day on how I’m going to end it. It seems like I’ve got the gun to my head and can’t pull the trigger. I need help. I can’t fight this battle alone one more day. What’s even worse is, the mental heath psych ward where I live is so bad and has only made things worse for me. So I refuse to even bother checking myself in to that pathetic place. I do not know what to do. I have “friends” I have helped out of the deep hole that I have just so found myself in, yet now when I need help, I’m all alone. The repetitive suicidal thoughts and the feeling of life crashing down so quick and so hard on me when I’m already, barely staying afloat, is one that I can’t put into words. Help me

[Hidden]

I want to help, I'm just at a loss for words. Don't let all this stress send you back to turning to alcohol, it might make you feel better short term but then you have to deal with the hangover. The immediate situation is where are you going to live??? You've got to figure that out. I know some people can be hard to deal with, but it's better to have some kind of roof over your head than be homeless. I feel the same way you do about psyche wards, I've been in them and I'm done thinking there's any help there, it just disrupts your life to go to them. I know it's hard, but try to do what you can to help yourself!!!

[remi24 in reply to Hidden]

Go to a church and ask for help. Even if you are not religious they may have resources to help you find a place to live. Rooting for you!

[2thesea]

Just hang on. Do you believe in God? Pray for peace first. Pray for help from Him and from some friends and family. If you think nobody else cares -- I care. Take some time to think of something good....I know it's hard, but, maybe the sun was shining today, maybe some much needed rain came, you saw a beautiful flower, a tree full of leaves before they all fall off for winter, someone smiled at you today or said a kind word? Just something to get you started. Please tell me you found one thing good. Do it again tomorrow.

[2thesea]

I forgot to say....take it 5 minutes at a time. Don't think about next week, the next 3 days, and maybe not even tomorrow. What is important enough that you need to focus on that for the next 5 minutes? Once accomplished, or a plan in place, then focus on the next 5 minutes. Only allow yourself one thought at a time.