My mental illness is too much for my husband

[MollyJade]

“You’ve been really good at helping around the house after work and I appreciate it, but things with you have been really difficult this week.”

Oh, um really? I’ve actually been pretty happy this week... until now...

An attempt at sex backfired and I spent the entire next day depressed about it. He notices late r that night and says,”hey darkness, are you ok?”

Not,” honey I notice your upset...”

Depression gets worse but I still try to push on and go for a family outing today, instead of staying in bed all day.

I interacted but stayed quiet.

His comments through out the day:

Get out of your funk

You’re so dark today

I want you to come out to dinner with us but not when you’re like this.

I told him an hour ago that I need his love and support on my bad days, not hurtful side comments. I sent Several screen shots of an article about how to help your depressed spouse.

His reply ,”I’m sorry I can’t do that. I’ve tried and tried ...It’s too much and I can’t do it anymore.”

I Understand where he’s coming from but it still hurts.

Confirmation that I’m a burden and not with any effort.

I just want to sleep.

[Wiganladlovesapie]

Hello. I’m Andy. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for you. I see that you are so lost, and maybe feeling very alone. But you’re not alone. This group of people have their arms open whenever you need to talk. If ever you need an ear, or a shoulder, then I’m here. Sorry I can’t be of more help. Take good care of yourself.

[sweetiepye in reply to Wiganladlovesapie]

I know how you feel, as much as anyone can know another's feelings. My Husband is not very empathic or sympathetic . He does try, but I think I have worn him out. Also my idea of support is so different from his. He does many things to make my life easier...physical things like cleaning or running errands. I want him to ask me how I feel and to tell me I am not alone. When I complain he tells me he doesn't know what else to do as I am never satisfied. It's too bad, no one is wrong here, we are both trying. Is it like this for you ? I try not to give up but to keep in mind that we both have different ways to approach problems.. Maybe you have some advice for me. Pam

[MollyJade in reply to sweetiepye]

Yes that’s how it is for me too. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice other than to just focus on yourself and do things even if they’re tiny, that make you happy.

[sweetiepye in reply to MollyJade]

Yes, you're right of course. It also helps to lean on each other here on site.

[MollyJade in reply to Wiganladlovesapie]

Thank you Andy.

[pandaeyes1]

I’m so sorry that’s so hurtful. You’d think the person who loves you unconditionally would find this a necessary ting to do... my ex used to tell me that I get depressed because I’m a weak person and too sensitive. And even though he always tried to take care of me when I had my really bad bouts, he’d comment on the side that he has to deal with so much than the average boyfriend. I think it might be helpful to talk about it. Like start with small realistic steps that can help.

[Hidden]

It is hard on everyone. It’s ok you feel guilty it’s normal part of process. AND you did the right things with the article and trying to go out. Proud of you. Guessing you’re on meds? Are you going to group therapy or have therapist that gives you homework I feel homework is very important just talking isn’t enough. When I was married sex was hard on us both but we tried to just make best if it I had several surgeries geez no sex a long time and mediocre sex often lol. This is part of life and healing. I hope you two cuddle and just watch movies in bed together or under a blanket on couch it helps the intimacy just to get used to that. Maybe suggest it. Not leading to sex just being. You’re not alone.

[smilezz]

Please Try Not To Feel Like A Burden To Your Husband, It Will Harm Your Mental Health Even More When You Think That Your Depression Is A Bad Thing, Everyone at Some point Will Go Through Depression , I Feel Like A Burden To My Family Because My Depression Is Severe And I Can't Make Any Decision In My Life, Blaming Yourself Will Only Make It Worse, It's NOT Your Fault That You Are Depressed .. PLEASE DONT HATE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE DEPRESSED THATS MY ADVICE.

[Dolphin14]

Those comments are very hurtful and not what we need to hear. We wouldn't accept it from others in our life and shouldn't have to accept it from a spouse.

In therapy I've talked a lot about how to deal with people in general. I've learned to not be ashamed of my illness at home. This is my safety place. I speak to my husband very openly if he hurts me with words. We do drain them at times. But, everyday verbal reminders of the fact we are sick is not acceptable. If we had cancer we wouldn't accept being talked to in a negative way.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I think PEOPLE’s ( my phone is making that word in caps I apologize) personality drives how they react.

Just know you are like everyone else here. There is nothing bad about you. We didn't ask for this. I've come to realize other than here it's a very lonely and misunderstood illness. When you feel stronger you may be able to stand up for yourself more. Personally I would never let one of those comments go by without a " comeback"

I still expect to be treated with dignity in my marriage.