It took me 5 years to man up. I am usually too proud to admit that I’m wrong but this week I have finally put my pride aside to apologize to my ex. We broke up horribly and it haunted me that I never explained why. I had broke up with him a day before Valentine’s Day over text. That was really immature of me. But honestly sometimes, you realize that enough is enough.
On the day I broke up with him I was out with my best friend. That was the first time since I started dating my ex (which I was dating for 2 year btw) that I had gotten to hang out with her. My ex seemed very upset about it as if I had to drop my plans with my best friend (which I always did btw) to come hang out with him. I felt so suffocated and decided to go through through with my plans. My best friend who always knew what was up, asked me how I was doing. I was miserable, but didn’t realize it. I caught her up with my relationship and she was very upset. She couldn’t believe I was patient enough to endure the underlying abuse. She opened my eyes to realize how I was being manipulated and abused. I didn’t want to believe it but the more I analyzed the situation in my head I realized how abusive things could have gotten.
I have to clarify that at this point of my relationship with my ex we argued every single day. It would always begin with something I said or did. For an example if him and I were talking about music and he mentions an artist I’m unfamiliar with, I’d say something like “who’s that?” And then he’d be like “how do you not know who that is? Are you living in a box?!” And I’d say “I don’t really listen to that genre of music or artist, I have an old soul when it comes to music.” And he’d say something like “oh my God you’re so close minded” and that would trigger an argument. This would go on either in person or on FaceTime. By the time the argument is over, I’d be the one to apologize and go and look for a solution. In the case of this hypothetical situation I would go and look at modern artists and listen to their music and learn about who they were and what they do.
I wanted to speak to my boyfriend right away. I wanted to have a conversation about how I was being treated. I wanted to set up new boundaries. I called a first time... declined. A second time... declined. A third time... declined. I continued to try. By the time I was tired with trying to call, I had called over 50 times and he declined every call. Then I get a text after a while saying something along the lines of “did you call me? I blocked your number.” That made me so upset to the point where I said that’s it. I had enough we’re through. From that day I cut him off, blocked him on everything. Changed my password. I took alternative routes to get to certain places. And I haven’t thought about him since.
Up until quarantine happened I went about my life. After my 2 aunts died I realized how short life was and how I shouldn’t hold grudges. I wanted to make it right with people I hurt in the past. That is when I began to remember my ex and all that he put me through. So I reached out this week and we talked. Surprisingly he had nothing against me. I think life it too short to hold grudges with anyone.
the Ex-
24 hours later. 
Am i being selfish?
Meeting with my ex for first time after breakup - bad idea?
