New here and Im not sure I should be on here but im struggling at the moment i have been very stressed with family problems for past 8 months and now i feel like I'm dying inside, have I given me away to others have I drained my resilience to a point of no return ,I cant see joy sadness cant be empathetic just an empty shell waiting for the tide and oblivion,i used to bounce back even be energised by having done good but i didn't realise that i was vulnerable and not superwoman ,crash flat battery,dark tunnel, want to hide for fear someone else has a crisis and I cant cope, a strange feeling of impending doom around my inner self ,wake with pounding heart chills of apprehension its really very frightening i don't have a name for it maybe anxiety or burnout or just selfishness?????Thanks for reading
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Bmx2446
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Welcome to HealthUnlocked! I hope this will help you at least a bit:
Give yourself space. I know this stress you feel, especially when it comes to dealing with family issues, but there’s no way you can help others, if you can’t help yourself. The power you hold lies within yourself. Take time to find it once again, and I know you can do it! Don’t be so hard on yourself if you can’t feel things like empathy, joy, etc. Feelings come and go. Getting out of your comfort zone and downloading this app is a step in the right direction, and I hope that some of the people here can show you acceptance and love. You are not alone!
I haven't been on this site in about 5 months. My life also fell apart when everything closed. I used to have a plan. My family was completely unsupportive and were mad at me or voicing my unhappiness that had been building for years. I share your sentiments and at 56, don't feel like starting over. I don't even know me anymore. I am isolated. I found out through COVID that I don't have any friends. I did a horrible hospitalization for the first 2wks in July. And before that, any time my husband didn't like something, he called the police and they came with a crisis counselor. It is the craziest thing that my kids (all adults) thought that was fine. I kept saying, get a therapist. All he says is "You sound angry" which makes me angry. He hasn't worked in 3yrs. We live off of my disability and settlement money. I am exhuasted. Sorry this is so "rambling". I spoke to an atty about divorce but I don't feel I can live on my own with my TBI and PTSD. My husband hasn't let me go to a bank or the grocery story during our marriage of 28yrs. We don't have a TV. He doesn't like when I talk to people. I have had therapists and psychiatrists. I was using a County Program (NJ) for Women in Transition and the pandemic shut it down to virtual and I can't seem to master or like zoom. I feel like I quit.
Thanks talking here is good and im doing counselling now just need to get help to get through this bad patch.
Hi I understand, I had a lot of things manor stresses going on for a few years one was I had rats for over a year in my kitchen ceiling they were coming from a nebours drain in capped old toilet drain the environment health eventually found it and she got it dug up and mended hence I ended up with P TSD my house is up for sale during all that my mam had heart attack I was on verge of a breakdown my dad had a stroke ended up paralysed one side and in a home with dementia in out hospital falling I was getting calls middle the night to go with him to hospital and trying to look after my mam after heart attack, then I lost my dream home next door to my mam due to mine not sling in time hence rat investigations then I had breast cancer scare then leg cancer which is been treated I tried go back home had black clocks breeding still in the loft one in my bed my dad died in June I am now back living at my mam's after having got a drink problem now drink free, I found solice in attending a meditation class deep breathing techniques Paul mackenna is good hypnosis, you need to think about you love yourself look after and nurse yourself better you need emotional heeling meditation is the way forward and if you can get to the seaside and have a paddle I have a cat who I take in park and snuggle up to in bed playing with pets helps if you don't have one maby someone you know would let you take the dog out and have fun it will take you away from your troubles for a while it does help been on here I'm on anxiety support Buddha's couch wellbeing during lockdown sometimes just getting things off your chest helps, as I don't know your family problems I cannot help you with them but if I can get through all I have and sorry for rambling on I found a inner strength I didn't know I had we all have it I hope you look up some meditation c d there are teqhniques online too hope they help take care x
I am so sorry you are facing this. I found what was help for me to bring back sanity from the anxiety I faced was to set boundaries with my family and friends. There’s a great resource to help you get started. I’d encourage you to look into A book called “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I hope this might be helpful to you!
Pamela ,thanks ive just ordered the boundaries book ,hopefully it will help me see how to set boundaries because as I said I cant cope with more needy peoples needs at the moment .
Hi Pamela, I got the boundaries book and even only having read a few chapters it is leaving me agast at how it talks to me ,it could be written for me ,i feel it touching me i can empathise with the subjects they are like mirror images of myself, it is giving me a glimmer of hope that these boundaries can be set without destroying anyones life and maybe fixing myself, thank you again .I feel the book has just come at the right time to get me back from the edge ,it is tough at the moment concentrating but I think this will be so worth it 👌
I am so glad to hear it. It was really a life changer for me as well. I'd encourage you to find a group, close friend or counselor that can help you set boundaries. It isn't easy at first but so worth it. My thoguhts are with you!
Thanks doing counselling session Friday hopefully I can put the effort in and reap the rewards,just need a kick start ,wish i could get through this fast but i guess I have a lot of stuff to work on ....
Welcome! Sorry you are feeling anxious and fearful. Your feelings are understandable, especially during the pandemic! Like Pamela, I too have found some wise advice in the book Boundaries! Also, journaling helps me deal with my anxiety. Your writing is almost poetic, so I would guess journaling might be a good avenue for you too. Please keep posting and again welcome!
Thanks everyone, must get that book i write and write its the only thing that gets me a kinda buzz at least it raises my heartbeat so I know i live ,its my release I cant speak the words that come out in writing another flaw I suppose,im forcing myself to exercise 5 k a day on treadmill and uts torture like most everything else at the moment ,i have a loving husband but dont want to admid to him the effect my family are having ,so I act normal which again is exhausting beyond belief ,im a total mess I know j have to start fixing it(me) before I give in and today is my new day so here goes starting to recharge the battery and hope its not at end of life ..........don't believe it is i breath so somewhere inside the real essence of me will be found and flourish ,an improved model !and the search will be a life affirming exercise i hope
Truly, your words are penetrating and seem to reflect your feelings! We cannot start getting healthier until we are honest about our feelings...and then learn to deal with them in new, healthier ways. It sounds like you are on the right track. That is wonderful and so are YOU! Blessings to you today!
I think i used to feel too much gave too much and I killed my real essence just drained it but some days of wallowing in ME and i feel a little, i can touch something deep and my heart beats a little faster ,hope its a seed of the old me being nurtured and will flourish ,the need to feel again has made me anxious but in relaxing a little im feeling a stirring inside and I will do lots of self care to encourage the spark i feel so deep I dont know where I hold it but thankfully its there and there is hope, then I must control my reservoir so that I dont give what is me away again selfish maybe but me first .
Praying for you similar story for me in 2018 and 2019. I pray you have a therapist and can find some time for you. It’s ok to completely shut down and refuel - the challenge is finding the time and space to do this. I had very similar symptoms and was dx with major depression. Hard to believe a superwoman could be vulnerable. I’m still having a hard time admitting I need help. Praying things get better for you. Here if you want to chat more.
Online had been ok not as good as face to face but it’s ok. I think it’s a long process - I ran 24/7 and had fair amount of stress until it completely broke me (still recovering). I’ve learned a lot with therapy; schedule breaks at work, be mindful (only do one thing at a time), walking, learning to sat no and not feel guilty about it, etc. it’s helped me not take on too much and take time to breathe. Take care
You sound like you are on the right track! You know yourself well! For me, a routine in the morning is very helpful (i.e. coffee, devotionals, writing, exercise, and then devotionals with my husband.) I try to just stick to it, even when I do not feel like doing it Blessings and please keep posting!
Hi i was just writing as you wrote thank you,im not so good today very low, feel im not living ,a hallow feeling that im trying to break but it seems one step forward and 2 back ,
I cant shake off the idea that I've lost me and im afraid of this shell that I think I've become ,the world is happening outside me i can't touch it its all in a fog that won't lift ,i want to reach in and find the pain ,joy and pleasure I used to experience but when I was in the real world I let it damage me so I am now afraid so afraid that if i go back in I'll let me be damaged again (by my failure to set boundaries etc) and that could be the last time ,its just so hard trying to do life and being like this.
You are loving and caring. I can tell that from your writing! When you write, it is like poetry!
Have you considered journaling??? Writing allows us not only to put our feelings on paper but also allows us the time to think and dream about a future. A BETTER future! Please keep posting!
Hi thanks for that,I've actually bought a motivational journal and hope to start writing in it ,I need to get some perspective on my life ,today is a brighter day than yesterday in my world i can see some colour i feel like i touched a flower and it coloured my vision of my world, this is me right now but to hold onto this im afraid to move ,im staying still and savouring this moment, maybe this is mindfulness if it is i must embrace this ,find a bright spot every morning and pour it into me let it be nurtured ,my heart feels a skip of anticipation that maybe yes inside of me is the warmth and love that if used on myself will heal me .
Think im weird that writing is such an emotionally evocative thing to do !
Hi ,not sure if anyone is out there but as a follow on to yesterday I'm thinking about journalling and wondering if when I start writing I will discover a lot about myself that I dont like ,I have a deep well and oil or maybe sludge is ready to spill over ,i feel there is something I need to say to breakthrough this fog of inertia and numbness but im so afraid that what comes out if i can let my words flow will be a reaffirmation of my faults and the depths of my damaged persona,I feel im unreal ,no foundation anymore, my anchor to my world have been set adrift
because im afraid of more crisis, Im trying the in the moment thing but the churning inside is going to erupt and lay my being bare in front if me ,and what will I do if I discover the real me is nothing, that my whole existence has been based on being needed by others
mainly in time of crisis..............what then ??????????????
Your fear is understandable!!!! I remember those fears when I first started to journal.. Amazingly, journaling allowed my tears to flow. I felt FORGIVEN for the mistakes I made. I asked for forgiveness. We all fall short and the beauty is we can be forgiven and forgive ourselves. Journaling helped me to grieve my past mistakes and also the injuries which others had inflicted me. Please keep posting, my friend!
Hi had an on line counselling session today ,it was good I admitted how deep my loss of self is and committed to spending time journalling and trying to find positives in me,the journalling has made me weep as I see what is the me i am now being written about ,I feel pathetic a s if I failed the me I used to be ,i seem to have let others strip me of my very essence and im just hoping that I can summon up the energy to keep tryjng to find a way back,it seems like a long dark tunnel to climb through and i know the me i find could be a serious let down and then there is no where to go.
This is the right place to be. Sometimes when life gets overwhelming, we can crash. We are human. It is perfectly OK to take time for yourself. It's not being selfish, it is self preservation (taking care of yourself). You have to put on your oxygen mask before you can help others. The same thing happened to me. Family, work, bills, and just all around stress at once. So don't be hard on yourself. Also, if this feeling lasts more than two weeks or more, you may want to see a therapist. (((Hug)))
Thank you so much ,i feel the empathy coming through from all the lovelies on here ,i have counselling Friday as I know i need help im not supposed to be in this dark place I need light inside so I need help starting to find myself again ,so sad that we can hurt from being supportive to others, ..
You know, I was born a "helper." In my life. Some sceneries include: I jump in and they don't appreciate it and it took a toll on me; sometimes I've pissed people off because I "helped." Then there are people that need my help and ask, I help. However, as I got older, if people try to take advantage of me and/or don't appreciate it, I say, no. But saying no takes a lot of practice by doing it. I think some of us are brought up to never say, no. I'm was one of them. So I practiced saying, no in a nice way; the second part is not explaining why you can't help.; the next is not beating yourself up if you don't want to help, but do . Practice is one " no " at a time. Even if you have time to help and someone knows it, it's your time and you can say no. This is coming from me, a doormat and "helper" for over 20 years strong. Pick and choose who you want to help and what makes you happy. It takes a lot of practice. You can do it. If people care about you, they'll understand and respect your boundaries. You are worth it.
Thanks its good to know im not the only one who believes we can give too much its a sad realisation though, i just dont have it in me right now to say no but hope with time self care counselling and a miracle I can change my habits in the war for self preservation, thankd again fof your thoughts ...
It has been suggested that I may be a codepend person explained to me as a carer fixer giver,(not the worst things to be )but when i read a little what i wasn't told was that codependents are controlling and intrusive and several other things i certainly don't attribute to myself ,I admit I give but hand on heart I am not controlling or forcing my care on others, I respond to needs and im now really upset with this codependent label, as if i wasn't down enough from being utterly drained and finding i was so far incapable of building boundaries, now I'm controlling intrusive etc,god I do hate this person who seems to be me ,I apparently do stuff to people while caring that hurts them ,feeling so awful now all the giving has only damaged everyone ,my life has been a negative fir me and others who I never meant to hurt,my heart is so full of guilt and regrets hiw can I fix me when i have hurt so many so often .......just desolate now
Hi all ,what a difference a day makes or a few weeks anyway,I have as we say here taken the bull by the horns and dealt with the boundaries that needed setting and lo and behold those involved dont think any less of me ,I have literally spent 2 weeks sorting me, doing all things I needed to relove myself and its been great I feel unburdened light and sunny ,im doing counselling and am learning so much about myself, I had truly never met the real adult me and im thrilled to find that she is ordinary but unique and special and doesn't seem to resent having been lost, I can embrace myself and feel good I can ask myself for what I need and not feel guilty for giving to me I will be careful to nurture this person as a new friend who has loads to share with those who will also cherish me,the sun shines inside and hopefully can radiate to warm others, the fog has cleared the world is good I feel safe serene and happy wrapped in a cosy blanket of self awareness,I pray that this state can be maintained and I can live my life in peace with myself and those who share my space ,thanks for all the advise and encouragement, look after yourselves
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