Co-occuring blah blah blah

[brokenarrow]

Depression & alcoholism, the 2 go hand in hand for me. Been a week since I had a drink and it’s all I can think about. Gotta crawl outta the hole I fell into first, the drinks what got me here in the first place. But can I be getting more depressed by depriving myself of the only constant and consistent thing in my life? Ironic isn’t it. Kinda funny too. What else can you do about it but laugh. Ha ha

[Hidden]

Within a few months I had a severe back injury that ended my dream of being a pro wrestler and I lost my grandmother within a couple months of each other. The bottle was my happy place for 10yrs. Falling in love is what got me free of booze, the thought of losing the woman I loved more than myself, got me sober. She told me it her or the bottle, so I took my vodka and dumped it down the drain. I ultimately lost her to her own demons, but I love her enough that I still haven't crawled back into the bottle. You just have to find your reason to stop drinking, then and only then will you be able to stop. I wish you luck in finding your reason, sending irie vibrations to you. One love.

[brokenarrow in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I’m sorry to hear about the losses you’ve endured. Feels like a forever long journey finding my reason. I know times on my side though so, maybe one day. Still sober?

[Hidden in reply to brokenarrow]

Yes strangely every time I wanna start drinking I remember what she said to me it's her or the booze, I keep choosing her over the booze. Even though I've lost her, my brain tells me as long as I'm sober there's a chance to get her back.

[brokenarrow in reply to Hidden]

Damn. That’s a strong connection and takes a lot of commitment. Verrrrry admirable. I hope your reason finds your way back to you one of these days

[Hidden in reply to brokenarrow]

Doubt it she's broken and hurting and she rather let guys use her body in exchange for drugs to numb her, than let me love her and help her deal with her pain.

[brokenarrow in reply to Hidden]

Sounds like she’s missing out. Who knows though, she’s goin down the path for whatever reason but who’s to say she won’t realize what she’s missing and make her way back. Life’s funny sometimes

[Hidden in reply to brokenarrow]

If she does I'll welcome her with open arms. But I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'll love her til I die. But I'm looking to find someone to love who'll love me back. I deserve the same love that I give out.

[brokenarrow in reply to Hidden]

I’m smirking reading that right now because that’s something I’m having to work really hard on at the moment. So kudos..I don’t think it’s easy to have that mindset, to know that you deserve the same love you give out. I hope you find it someday

[Hidden in reply to brokenarrow]

Its not easy, just yesterday I was completely broken crying over not having her in my life. Then I decided to message her and she ignored me, so it decided that I'm going to search for my own happiness, knowing I love her and I fought like hell to help her and she shut me out. It's up to her to come back. If you want to talk about what's bothering you I'll listen and try to help.

[brokenarrow in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate that, thank you. Getting a lil late for me my eyes are starting to burn lol. You’ll see me around on here though. I hope you have a good night

[Hidden in reply to brokenarrow]

You have a good night as well. Send me a message anytime you need someone to talk to.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi y’all....good vibes in this post.

I used to drink a lot as well.

Went sober for like 15 months.....

Was to the point where having a few wasn’t hurting but it just kind of went away and I don’t even like drinking anymore.

There was a time when I would guzzle vodka just to speed it up too.

Roll one up .

I haven’t seen one person on here saying that they’re struggling with weed lol.

Sometimes we have to trade our probs and flaws for new flaws that aren’t as damaging to our souls.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I never liked drinking, I do it so I can function in a public setting. I have terrible social anxiety so before going out I'd drink a 6 pack. Then when the depression hit booze was just the natural choice.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for sharing.

I’ve noticed you on here last two days or so and you seem like a good soul 💪🥇

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Idk about that, if I really was that good, I'd still be with the love of my life and I wouldn't need callie weed or booze to be able to go out in public. But, if my fucked up life can help someone then my life has meaning and a purpse, I guess.

Stay Irie, one love. Rastafari

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I get it....I smoke all day everyday and I’m on meds as well.

That feeling isn’t you....it’s you underneath with a veil of mental illness/depression/whatever

Over the top.

I’m looking under that veil bro.

You wouldn’t be on even wasting a breath on others if you weren’t a solid soul.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I don't smoke all day everyday as much as I want to, I can't. I don't use the poisons western medicine wants to push on ppl to make them mindless zombie who are easily controlled. So I can't afford to build up a tolerance to it.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I here you....it’s a sin that it’s so expensive......I don’t smoke as much as I want to either.

I didn’t try a med till I was 36.

Didn’t want to “sell out”

Weed is the only thing that’s never steered me wrong.

Weed is only thing ever helped me snap out of “stuck” feeing of depression.

I have a slight shame for the pharmaceuticals I’m on but life gets to a point sometimes where it’s either live or die.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I choose die naturally, rather than take poison to extend the suffering longer and make a bunch of drug dealers richer. There's a reason our bodies break down, its nature.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

My man...whatever floats your natural ass boat haha....

Tell me the same shit when you don’t fear suicide anymore and your kids look you in the eye and tell you you’re the best dad in the world.

We are all bitches to corporations.

My meds cost me 4.83$ a month.

Don’t take offense.

Much respect always

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That's cool if you choose to take the drugs. I'd rather die than take drugs. I prefer to maintain my body as it was designed. I have no desire to live forever, I know my time on earth is finite. Hope you live a wonderful life and I hope the poison works for you. I didn't mean to offend my brother. Stay Irie, one love.

[brokenarrow in reply to Hidden]

Yup. Exactly why I had to get on the meds too. Can’t imagine my daughter having to navigate what would come with knowing mommy killed herself. So, bitch to yet another corporation I became. Helped me out of my rut back when I tried it, so, I can’t knock it

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I am dually diagnosed with alcoholism and mental illness. I need to take care of both diseases a day at a time. I attend AA, and use a psychiatrist and counselor. It’s difficult but to remain as sane as I can be, it’s what I need to do.

[brokenarrow]

Good convo on here guys. I can relate to so much of it which that in it of itself feels nice. I love weed but I’m kinda struggling with it too. I’m tryna be clear headed for a minute but now my demons get to come out n haunt me full force. Unfortunately I don’t have a great support system either, my partner doesn’t understand and he’s an alcoholic too so, not a lot of support there. I tried meds too but honestly have similar ideals around western medicine. I’m sensitive to it. Just goes along with all the other aspects regarding European colonization that I’m so against. Tried it though after my 3rd attempt, felt necessary and I wanted to please my therapist. Been off the meds for a while. Now trying to stay clear headed but I’m currently depressed, so staying clear headed is the last thing I wanna do. Catch-22 no?