Co-dependent

[Magicdreamer]

Hello Sunshine peeps. ☀️💚 I've growing my awareness and have been enlightened by what co-dependent actually means to me. I've seen the word and have believed my own interpretation of it but now I understand it and can see itin my behaviour. I never realised how much I depend on another's upliftment for emotional support. I've been walking in egg shells so as to not make another 'upset' with me however, I've now come to realise, and still learning, that nobody can actually be angry or upset with me, it's just my perception and the thoughts I've been believing that I can actually upset another, isn't true. I'm learning that I've really been convinced that my thoughts about others are true but it feels so hurtful which means those thoughts I'm believing are only about how I've been seeing the world and how I'm hurting myself. With co-dependent, I'm experiencing a strong emotion of desperation and neediness to be loved, accepted and approved by others. These emotions have been showing me how far away from the truth I am. I'm now coming to realise that my addictions are my thoughts being out of my own business and in everyone else's, in my mind. Victim mentality is also not what I thought it was as I've been attaching to thoughts of blame which is causing a lot of anger and hatred and shame in the emotional body. I'm really excited that I'm aware of it and at the same time, totally blown away by how upside down I've been living. Everytime i attach to these thoughts, I identify with them as who I am.... It's cause and effect and so, I continue to learn and I continue to grow and hell in the mind feels like a very lonely and confused state. It feels like a misty dream when I'm in mental illness and feels so much clearer and calmer in the present state (not in the past, or in other people's business, or in the future). Watering the seeds of love and truly understanding in this moment, that I am my beloved. I am the one I will marry. 😘❤️💚

[Booklover0219]

What you wrote here is amazing! You described exactly everything I feel and do. I too have been living my life in a way that is backwards and upside down. I have no other words to add to this because you wrote it so perfectly. You are right that we are hurting ourselves and it feels like hell. Let’s keep having this discussion. I am working on healing from all of this too.

[Magicdreamer in reply to Booklover0219]

Beautiful. I keep getting this thought 'what will they say'... 'what will they think' and it spins me into uncertainty., Which feels like a panic attack. I also get suspicious thoughts like, 'they might read your personal stuff' which sends me into paranoia so I'm questioning these thoughts. It's very outward focused rather than being present at my core which I'm working on. I've also discovered that my thoughts are always trying to fix someone in my head. Distracting me from my bliss which leads me to abandoning myself. Yesterday was a day of magic and today is a day of lessons. I've wanted to be the superhero and save everyone... 😂 I had a great laugh when that realisation gently came in. 😂

Yes, I agree, let's share our experiences as it's great sharing with people who are going through the same thing. 😘💚💐 Wonderful idea - thank you. ❤️

[Magicdreamer in reply to Magicdreamer]

😘💐❤️

[Booklover0219]

I’m getting those phrases in my head too. Constantly worrying about what other people are thinking. I want to change this. I really really really really really want to change this. ❤️

[Magicdreamer in reply to Booklover0219]

Yeah, it's tormenting. I'm doing the work through Byron Katie (if you're interested). That thought drives my entire behaviour into anxiety, fear, terror and a deep feeling of desperation and neediness. I try isolate the thoughts and try focus on the thought and question if it's true... I didn't actually realise that believing thoughts which are lies, had such an pact on the optional body as well as my behaviour. Sheesh! It's like a sentence that pops up in my head and I attach to it and give it meaning and then taaaa daaaaa - complete chaos. Incredible! ❤️💐

[Booklover0219]

I’ve heard of Byron Katie but never read any of her stuff. I’m just now becoming acutely aware of how my thoughts are truly hurting me... mentally, physically and emotionally. Down to our soul right? Words are powerful.

[Magicdreamer in reply to Booklover0219]

Byron Katie has four very powerful questions for thoughts... I'm starting to understand through my own experience today, in particular that I'm the one that's giving the words (thoughts) power through believing it means something. I will either see the word ugly as a disgrace which leads me to shame. Whereas, if I see a puppy and it's ugly but in an adorable way, I give the word a different meaning which makes me feel better... This is my experience. ❤️

[Booklover0219 in reply to Magicdreamer]

That’s awesome. I recently learned that apparently Abracadabra literally means “what I speak is what I create.” I think that’s correct although there was some debate when I looked it up. I like the idea of that anyway, whether it’s true or not. I’ve been saying Abracadabra to myself when I want to stop my negative thought process and change it to one that’s positive.

[Magicdreamer in reply to Booklover0219]

That's interesting. I just tried it now and it gave me relief. Thank you. ❤️

[Hidden]

There are co dependant anonymous meetings..

Which are good to go to..very enlightening..

Held in a lot of areas uk and USA

Just thought I’d mention..in case you are not aware

Good wishes xx

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. ❤️

[Booklover0219 in reply to Hidden]

I will check and see if there are any in my area. Thank you.

[Hidden in reply to Booklover0219]

Was surprised at how many meetings in various areas there were...

I’m in uk, but the meetings were started quite some time ago by a couple in USA so be quite a few there too..I found them under

CoDA which is there shortened version of co dependants anonymous ...the meetings are held weekly and vary in size..what is said in the rooms stays in the rooms, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous they also have 12 steps ...

Xx

[Booklover0219 in reply to Hidden]

I found three and they are all in a different part of the city. I’ll keep searching to see if there are more groups closer to where I live. I saw that one of the steps is to apologize to everybody. That’s hard. What if the people are or were abusive to you?

[Magicdreamer in reply to Booklover0219]

I'm also bating with that... What I'm doing is going in to see where I can take responsibility which powers me away from victim mentality. It's about taking responsibility for your side with the motivation which is love, acceptance and approval outside so it stretches to how we've manipulated people to get that... I'm understanding that even if someone abused me, it has nothing to do with me.... Where I've abused, used or done anything intentionally to gain love, acceptance and approval is where I take ownership. My greatest fear is humiliation so... I need to be in a space of sincerity before any apologies can take place. A space of pure forgiveness... No resentment. 💐

[Booklover0219 in reply to Magicdreamer]

I can definitely say that I haven’t reached a place where I could be sincere and without resentment. And yes, when I read the step about apologizing to everyone I’ve hurt my first feeling was of humiliation. I’m afraid of that too.

[Magicdreamer in reply to Booklover0219]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has that fear. 😂 💚 I don't know if you've watched the movie Easy A starring Emma Stone? It's about being dependent on yourself and not really caring about what others think... so for me, that's the pure example of being free of co-dependency. 💚💐

[Hidden in reply to Booklover0219]

I think if you find a group/meet you can go to you will learn more around it all...it is also possible to have a sponsor who helps/supports you at some stage...

It takes time

Good luck and best wishes x

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hidden]

I did join a CoDA group in my area for a while. The impact of the work by Byron Katie is takimg me much deeper, is far more reaching and is way more profound, for me personally. The principles are very similar the only difference is I question and isolate the thoughts which give me an experience I can't explain. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Magicdreamer]

That’s interesting , maybe I need to check out Byron Katie

Best wishes xx

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hidden]

She has a book on I need your love... Is it true. I haven't got it but I've found some clips off YouTube that I'm going through and it's all about co-dependency. I'm going through it today. Best wishes to you too. Xxx 💚

[Hidden in reply to Magicdreamer]

Thanks

Will check it out 🌹🌹 x

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hidden]

💚😊

[northcountry]

I really like what you had to share. The new found awareness of growth is intoxicating. What a gift of gratitude for the Thanksgiving season.

[Magicdreamer in reply to northcountry]

I love that. ❤️ We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in South Africa so today and everyday, is just a remimder to be grateful. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. 💞☀️

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’m so proud of you. I love enlightenment.

[Magicdreamer in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Yeah, I totally agree. 😊💐