They say think positive. They say see your self worth. They say i am worth it. They say i am good enough...Blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH. Just because u say it doesnt mean i believe it. People say all these things but no one can tell me how. How do i feel beyter about my self???? How do i stop the dark thoughts???? I have no control. I am powerless. These things have been beat into me since i was small. Someone took my power and i dont know how to get it back. I have been fighting for 20 years. I have been sad for 20 years. I have been anxious and have panic attacks for 20 years. I have been taking medication longer than i can remember. Maybe im just a generally sad person. I cant find another explanation. I think God has given up on this soul and moved to the next. I hurt. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My faith is gone. I just wake up and get thru the day so once again i can get to the peaceful place. Sleep is my peaceful place. No people, no bills...just my fantasy, my dreams to take me anywhere i want to go.
Blah: They say think positive. They say... - Anxiety and Depre...
Blah
I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. Is there anything you can do to bring you some relief or joy, even if just for moment? We're all here for you. Sending hugs.
Thank you. Thank you for caring enough to reply.
Try to take it just moment by moment. You can do this. Keep us posted.
Sometimes trying just isnt good enough. But my best has to be enough
Trying can help yeah our best can help but sometimes even our tries and best won’t change how we feel. I’m in a bad place right now also and I hear you and I wish you well asap. Try to hold on.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can relate to some of it as well. I know self love and realizing your worth can be hard. But maybe try to remember a time where you were loving yourself and did realize your worth. And try and recreate those conditions whenever you’re feeling especially down. For me, it’s being around my boyfriend, family, exercising, eating something healthy for once, or being with my few true friends. If you can’t recreate it, just simply think about it. Pretend that’s where you are. I know this is easier said than done, but it’s a start. I’m not even sure if this will help you, but maybe if we do this enough, we’ll feel better. Also, get rid of negative people/situations in your life, you can’t work on YOU if the people around YOU suck. And as with control and power, just start small, control the little things and build up to the bigger things that control your life. That’s like my motto, start small. Because I can’t just dive right into things, like my social anxiety. I can’t just “make a friend”. There’s things that come before it to prepare myself. You may have heard literally all these things before, even tried them already, but I couldn’t go without trying to say them and help you
I dont have social anxiety atleast i dont think i do. Idk i have a host of medical problems and anxiety just tops the cale. I have tried the things u said but it seem to never work for me. I have to find away to pull myself out the funk. I have to kids ages 6 and 1 and they now have their own little lives and im stuck in "only me" town. I dont begrudge them for friends, infact i envy them. How easily they make new friends. How easily they adapt to change...i was that kid as a daughter of an airman. I moved alot, saw alot of new faces. But now it feels like things have changed for me..and i guess they have... im an adult now and i offically hate adulting.
Wow. That is a perfect description of depression. Depression is treatable. It's hard as hell and takes persistence and a real desire to feel something else (control? peace? joy?), but you can keep at it if you want to. You're right that your best is all you can do, and when you know you've done your best, you do need to give yourself credit for that and not move the goalposts too much. My best is certainly not up to what I see many others doing, and learning not to judge myself by the standards I see out there is a lifelong challenge. It truly is a process of baby steps, but give yourself a chance with therapy and meds (if you have already, please keep trying). Sometimes treatment can give us just enough relief to take the next step ourselves. It's not easy; it's the hardest thing in the world. Maybe that's why every little win is worth celebrating.
The hardest part id watching everyone around me accomplish their goals and im still stuck in the same place i was years ago. It seems when i get headed towards my goal a million road blocks step in my way. Im trying to run this 5k race, called life, all the while people and things are throwing rocks at me..and their aim is very good. Im bloodied and battered i just hope i can finish.
It's the hardest thing in the world to stop comparing ourselves to others. I know I haven't mastered it; far from it. But humans judge, and we're hardest on ourselves. One thing to consider, though: You don't know how they feel about their lives any more than they know how you feel about yours. They may not be meeting their goals at all. They may be miserable inside. We don't know.
I get the feeling that people are always tripping me up, too; seems I can't get through one day without having to deal with some crap caused by someone else. But, while I may never stop triggering on that stuff, I am slowly learning to cut myself some slack. I can look back and pick out the stuff I've done well. I can accept that leaving some great legacy may be for some, but I don't need it. I can see life as an accident and I just have to live it in a way that makes me comfortable, doing what I want to do. But I have to determine what I want based solely on myself, comparing to no one. I was raised to do just the opposite, among other things, so this has been a huuuge challenge, but one that becomes more worthwhile every day. When I bought this house I have now, I bought a pool table. I have always wanted one. I don't have a dining room table, I have a pool table. Turns out, instead of people saying how odd that is (what I feared), most of them think it's pretty cool. And I find I don't really care what they think; I wanted a damn pool table...with purple felt. That table makes me happy and I get lost in the game.
So, you may have things you want to do and places you want to go, but do everything you can to make sure those are YOUR things, for you only, and to heck with what anyone else thinks or does. You may find you don't need much to be satisfied with your life after all. The idiots are always going to find ways to stumble across your path, but try to step over them and leave them behind. Your life isn't going to be a poem or a movie or a novel -- that's not reality -- but if you can do what you want to do every day (even if it's work to make some money to do something else), and if you can accept that your best effort is whatever your best is at any one moment, well, it doesn't feel half bad. Right where you are isn't the worst place you can be.
Hi Blah!
The good news is that you do have control of your thoughts...you just don’t believe that you do. When bad thoughts enter your mind, replace them with positive thoughts. When you can’t do that, then distract yourself/immerse yourself in an activity. Cooking works well for me. Replacing bad thoughts takes practice and doesn’t happen overnight. You have to work at it.
I got negativity beaten into me during childhood, but today, I leave the past in the past and stay out of the future also. Forgetting the past is my best chance at happiness today. You just have to learn how to focus on the good in your life and let go of the bad. It’s all so simple, yet hard to do. You’re not powerless!
You can take control over your life! You just need the desire to do so and the fight to make it happen. To me, helping yourself is the biggest piece of the puzzle that is recovery from depression. Don’t self-sabotage with negativity and half-attempts. Give it a try! Wishing you the best!! 🌷🙂🌷
My thoughts are the worse. For me its like having flash backs of all the horrible things done to you, at the exact same moment. I try to find hobbies, play sports, or even take my kids to the park but in the end i always give it up. I thought i was a very strong willed woman...im not. When stuff becomes to hard or i dont want to do it 5 times aout of 10...i wont do it or i quit. I have lived with this funk for 20 years...i dont know how else to be. I cant really remember a time i actually felt happy. Yes i laugh amd even joke around but its my front. The only time i felt true joy is the birth of my kids but id rather not take that path again..
Are you spiritual?
Kinda. I believe a little bit of everyones "bible".
I have my own personal beliefs and I have faith. Expound on yours and see if it doesn’t bring you happiness! Unconditional love is very appealing! 🌺
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I love that you mentioned your faith. I was doing life for many, many years apart from my loved ones and apart from God. Because of my abandonment issues, I developed obsessive thoughts and convinced myself that no one was on my side and there was no one I could trust. I began talking to myself all the time on the best ways to survive and do life, the best ways to provide for my kids and the best ways to be strong, brave, helpful and happy. INISDE I was dying. I was so alone and so deceived that I could handle life. It was not until I finally decided to find a church. I was scared at first because it was not how we grew up. It was scary because I thought everyone would stare at me, I thought everyone would find out who I really was and judge me. I went to three churches until I discovered the right "fit" for me. WOW! I was so wrong. I felt like people were waiting to love on me, help me and accept for years ago, but I didn't know it. My self talk and anxious thoughts had me believing so many lies. The church that I chose to grow in was what God had planned all along. I wasn't healed right away but I had people to help me and trust in and pray for me. It was an experience that I'd never felt before. I hope that you won't give up on the meds, and that you'll see that you can engage in life in ways unimaginable. I would have never imagined myself watching the babies at church and cooking in the kitchen. Neither one am I good at, but I just decided to do stuff I wouldn't normally do so that I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts and it has really blessed me. And the friendships...I never had real friends before. I was used to being a loaner. My life isn't perfect now but it is so much better that it was. Praying you will hold on to your faith and persevere for you beautiful children!
Hi JBUGGIE210. Who are the people who say all these things to you? Are they therapists?
Your story could have been my story except mine went on over 30 years. Medications, in patient hospitalization and lots and lots of therapy. Unfortunately, therapy is only as good as what doesn't go in one ear and out the other. If we are not ready, we are not ready. I'd walk into therapy listen to what they had to say and walk out feeling discouraged and beaten. I didn't feel I had any power over my anxiety and symptoms. I went from doctor to doctor thinking there must be a solution, a medication, a surgery even. Something is not right with me.
One day while just sitting around, I had an "aha" moment. All of a sudden all that Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah from my therapy finally hit home. Could it be that all this time, I had the key to make my life different. Did I really lose my control or did I give it away when I stopped believing in myself. And that proved to be the case JBUGGIE. I knew at that moment things were going to change for me and they did big time.
I had been absorbing all that was told to me but not acting on going forward. Maybe I thought at the time, it would just happen on it's own. Anything we truly want in life, takes time, passion and believing that we can do it. The rest is history, I was able to leave my home for the first time in 5 years, I started living again. I found myself. A little hesitant at first but knew that there was one person I could count on and that was MYSELF>
We're here for you, I'm here for you. Just read every ones responses. Take it in with an open mind. My wish for you is that one day you will have an "aha" moment just by something someone once said to you. Then you will know you are ready to start living and not sleep your life away. Love & Hugs. xx
Therapist, Doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, social workes, people u look up to...... they all say "u have to think positive to be positive" and ive tried that. Ive failed at it so many times. I always end up with pie face. Ive had "aha" moments but at this point in my life there isnt much i can change. Healthcare costs to much, medications cost a fortune. I have very expensive chronic illnesses and honestly ill probably be dead by the time i get down to the root of my problems. Im just watching life pass me by
I'm sorry JBUGGIE, that life has given you more than you can handle. I don't have the perfect life by any means. I have chronic illnesses, illnesses caused by years of immense stress and a life situation that cannot be changed. And so I go on with life and accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. I live everyday in meditating, mindfulness living in the moment and deep breathing which helps calm
me down. Life is difficult but it is what we make of it. There's more tears than laughter in my life as I'm sure is the same with you
I just want to offer you my support and the support of this forum when things get to be more than you can bear. I won't give up on you if you don't give up on yourself.
I care xx
I honestly know the feelings you're describing. I'm at a point in life now where probably little or nothing is going to change externally, but things do seem to slowly evolve internally. While in therapy for 20 years, I kept looking for answers, for cures, for something to make me feel "normal," but nobody had a real answer. I even studied; read everything I could find. Having a cognitive understanding did help, but not in the way I thought it would. Trying to think and be the way others think and appear to be was not my answer.
Things started to improve for me when I stopped expecting so much. That may sound negative, but it's not. Being "positive" is not the same as "smile on the outside and soon you'll be smiling on the inside." Being positive is letting yourself feel the good feelings when they come.
When you find yourself leaning against a doorframe watching your children playing together, or sleeping, and you stay quiet, stay in the moment, feel what that feels like. You may feel like crying, but that's because a pile of good emotion is welling up inside of you. Don't join them, just stay in the feeling. Eventually, you will find more moments like this in more parts of your life. Those are the things you seek out and hang onto. Those are the only things in life that matter. The rest of it is just the time between.
I want to feel happiness, i want...well im not sure. Im not sure how im supposed to feel. Being saf feels like my only "feel". When i look at my children i feel sadness. Not because they are sad but im sad because i cant be the mother i want to be...the mother they need to be..but im not. Im just not enough....
That's what I mean about staying in the moment. It takes some work, but the trick is not to let your mind head off to all of the tangents attached to something like your kids. I doubt very much your kids would tell you you're not the the mom they want you to be, and they need you to be with them and love them more than they need you worrying about all the things you think you can't do for them.
When you're leaning against that doorway, you need to focus on your feelings. Breathe in and out a few times and feel your insides. Tell your brain to shut up; you're busy with more important things. Feel what you FEEL for them, and stop focusing on the shoulds, coulds and woulds. I truly believe that the feelings are trying to fight through the noise and you need to let them.
Look at it this way: In that moment, there are those wonderful little children, there you are, and NOTHING else matters. Nothing. Just the moment. Just them and just you; just there. No thinking allowed.
It's worth practicing. It may lead to many better things. Folks like us have to work at being in the moment and allowing our feelings to rise in us. It's worth the work. It's totally worth it.
And if at first you feel sad, then feel sad, but focus on what it feels like, not why you're feeling it or what it means or anything. Just feel sad and stay in the moment.
Just sending more hugs and good vibes. Keep holding on. You can do this.
Thinking of you today and hoping you take a step of faith to do one fun thing, something silly, crazy, or just "laugh out loud" kind of fun with your kids or by yourself. Take a deep breath and take an adventure, "a small" one and see what happens. You're prayed for and you're loved!
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