Mom guilt : I need a break from my kids... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Mom guilt

Theloudone profile image
21 Replies

I need a break from my kids. They are driving me crazy. 4 and 8 years old. I’m tired of making breakfast, I’m tired of cleaning up, I’m tired of feeding them endless snacks, and telling them to stop arguing. I’m tired of being a mom everyday 24/7 during quarantine. I need me time. I need time to decompress. I want a vacation. Away. Just me. I’m so tired taking care of my kids- I don’t have the energy to take care of myself.

And of course I feel guilty because of these feelings.

Moms, anyone with me?

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Theloudone profile image
Theloudone
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21 Replies
Ladybug9 profile image
Ladybug9

My boys are grown but I am a mother so I can relate. You know what? You need and DESERVE a break! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!! Even people with outside jobs get vacations!! And being a mom is one of the hardest jobs there is. And should be appreciated more than moms' are! Please stop the guilt right now! And take care of YOU. If you don't, you can't help anyone else.

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to Ladybug9

Thank you. It means a lot to hear someone understand

SunnyTomorrow22 profile image
SunnyTomorrow22

Let go of the guilt and shame. Schedule "me time" everyday for yourself! Start making yourself a priority so you can have the energy to happily take care of your loved ones!

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to SunnyTomorrow22

Thank you, my depression kicks in and says I’m not worth it :(

Ugh the battles in my head can be tough

SunnyTomorrow22 profile image
SunnyTomorrow22 in reply to Theloudone

I struggled with this for a long time. The trick is to tell yourself your are worth it! You do matter! You are enough! When you change your thoughts you change your reality. Choose to love yourself you are worthy of love and kindness and compassion. When you praise yourself you change yourself. We have to stop waiting for other people to make us feel good about ourselves and do it for ourselves.

Lm92 profile image
Lm92

Yep, I completely understand. I have only been out of the house twice since mid-March and my 12 year old son has been with me pretty much every single day with the exception of 2 days that he and my husband went golfing. It doesn't help that he's started puberty and his temper can be triggered at the drop of a hat. He's always been very dependent on me which I don't mind, but some days when he's trying me I send him upstairs while I stay downstairs just to have some separation. This school year will now be starting with online learning and I'm so worried I don't have the patience to help him properly. Me weekly counseling session is helping me learn how to carve out time just for me without feeling guilty, but it's hard. I really do suggest talking to someone. You're not a bad Mom for needing a break sometimes.

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to Lm92

Thank you! I feel like I can relate to you. I FaceTime my therapist once a week. My boys are mamas boys. Which I do love, but dang i also need the separation. I feel bad though because my temper can be short and I try to tell them to stop 4 times and then I have to yell for them to listen and then they cry and I don’t know what to do :(

michellelogan profile image
michellelogan

Be careful what you wish for ...i was single mom to my only child he was my world for 20 years...he drowned in a raging river....my life ended that day too......no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Set up play dates...swap babysitting with another mom. Daycare.......whatever will make you a grateful mom. PLEASE

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to michellelogan

I am sorry that horrific thing happened to you. I am in no way saying I am ungrateful for them- I would however, like a break from a 24/7 365 job. It’s exhausting and that’s the reality.

Every parent yells sometimes. It's inevitable. Kids are not little angels and neither are we. You're not alone. 90% of parents lose their tempers from time to time & the other 10% are liars. Maybe try to switch it up--if you guys can play together for 20 minutes while I drink my coffee/read my phone/take a shower without fighting or interrupting me, you can pick 2 stickers each. Sometimes rewards help. But sometimes they don't. Parenting is very hard and sometimes really boring. We all get it. We all do our best, but we're going to fall short at times. We try different things, sometimes they work, sometimes not so much, so we try other things. Be kind and patient with yourself.

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to

Thank you 🙏🏽

Ddorne profile image
Ddorne

I’m not a Mom, but I can imagine. You do need me time. I’m alone during this time and I need people. Do you have some one to help you?

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to Ddorne

Yes- it’s all about balance. Balance is important.

My husband can help but that’s a whole other issue that we are trying to figure out in therapy

vbp123 profile image
vbp123

If you feel you need a break- that is exactly what you need to have.

You do not need anyone's approval. It is your wellbeeing too.

Can your friends or family take them out to the park?

Can they both have movie time? Something they would both enjoy. In the mean time you could meditate or do your nails?

Ask for help even if it hard.

All the best

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to vbp123

Thanks. My friend offered to take them both for a sleep over- and I sent them- but then my husband said my younger one was too little so he went to pick him up- and instead of a day of quiet- I got two hours. I was more disappointed and hurt that he made the decision to bring him home- but didn’t help in ANYway during the time that he would have been out.

vbp123 profile image
vbp123 in reply to Theloudone

It is a shame as the little one could have had a great time and you- free evening. What about looking into a Premier Inn or Travel Lodge and book yourself a room- just you! The rooms are not that expensive now due to Covid.

Marshall64 profile image
Marshall64 in reply to Theloudone

Just curious, how old is your younger one? I let my daughter do her first sleepover when she was about 9 or 10 (with a non-family member).

I am a full time single father and have had my daughter exclusively since she was six (now 14). Her mom is voluntarily not in the picture anymore. I know the feeling and can empathize.

My parents would take my daughter so I could work out at a gym. I would come back refreshed physically and mentally. Now my daughter is old enough to leave her by herself at our house for short periods of time. She has a lot of sleepovers at friend's as well as at our house. When they would sleep over here they have me take them places which was fine. Now they stay in her room so I get a break there. I just have to feed them.

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone in reply to Marshall64

My youngest is four so he is a bit young. I def wouldn’t do it if it was just him- but he was with his older brother and last time when I told him he couldn’t sleep over he cried the whole way home.

I can relate.... I’m 23, my son is one.. it’s been a complete change. I as well tend to feel guilty when I want ME TIME. So I have never asked for it. My husband works and is gone usually Monday - Sunday. When he’s off it’s usually by the time I am getting my son to the shower and bed.. I haven’t had one break since he’s been born. I am tired of cleaning laundry cooking it all too.. I miss working and the person I use to be... I just recently began a fitness journey to help give me time.. I have to wake up early about 4 a.m to start it so I can have that me time..

OR4377 profile image
OR4377

Hey there, I hope you’re feeling better in some small measure today. I’m late as usual buuuut. What you are feeling is very real!

I got over feeling bad about wanting time to myself a long time ago. For me, it was accepting that I am no a mother who wants to be with her kids all day! I don’t feel ashamed about it one bit! They need a break from me and I need a break from them.

•it has nothing to do with your love for your children

•it has nothing to do with the quality of your mothering

I was worried about being judged by other parents and the community in general- my child was in daycare most of the day...other parents picked their kids up much earlier and I felt like hot garbage to be honest lol.

At the end of it all, I had to honor myself by taking care of myself. I’m a much better mom when we have time apart for the day. I’m a single parent so I don’t have, “hey honey let me get them and you do xyz”. I said all that to say PLEASE know it is normal and ok. Don’t mix how much you love your kids and being grateful for them in the same sentence with needing time to yourself-it sucks that we have to even put that out there first, we’re always explaining ourselves.

The tv...this little person insist on keeping the volume at 100...it makes me insane...I walk around with headphones on in my own house😅- I would be lying if I didn’t say some days I want to roundhouse kick that blasted tv out the window! I yell...not saying it is ok- I’m saying all this to say you are not alone and this lady here gets it!

Maybe I will get this weird juice stains off the ceiling today and the dried drumstick ice cream cone off the dresser...maybe not...I’m not pressed at the moment🤣🤣

Hang in there (big hugs)!🌻🌻🤎🤎

Theloudone profile image
Theloudone

Thank you 🙏🏽

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