Unemployed agoraphobic mom

[kjayness]

Hi everyone. Hoping to get some advice. I feel so run down and tired of fighting everyday just to barely function. I recently separated from my husband. I feel better now that I am not at the mercy of his anger and his bad temper. But at the same time I feel somewhat hopeless and helpless because my agoraphobia and panic attacks keep me from functioning normally and I have to take care of my son. It’s only been two months since I left my husband and I haven’t gotten a job yet. My plan was to start a masters program in school counseling however I did not get accepted so I feel like I am back at square one. Fortunately I live with my mother and she is able to support me until I get on my feet. However, I’m scared that my agoraphobia and panic will keep me from getting a job and from supporting my son on my own rather. Also that it will keep me from ever meeting someone new or falling in love. Do you ever feel that way? I wasn’t agoraphobic before I met my ex and now I am so I’m at a loss. At this point I have panic attacks probably 75% of the time that I go out into a public place.

[Hidden]

Hey there, I have this too. I was in a bad relationship & I am currently living at home again with my family. I am on leave from work & don’t plan to return until the new year - I am terrified of being out of the house. I have taken steps to get out more. I actually went shopping today. Just take it day by day. It will get easier. I’m in therapy now for social anxiety amongst my other issues, & that’s also helped me not be so panicky in public. I’m still nervous, but it’s getting a tad bit better. I do fear I won’t ever fall in love again, but I’m focusing on falling in love with myself first... I get exactly where you’re coming from. I am here with you, girl. If you ever need someone to talk to, let me know. xo

[dee_bells]

Great advice from Distressed mermaid. If you can, live with your mom as long as you can.

Do you see a therapist? They can help you work through your problems. Love yourself first and love will follow. I wish you all the best and take care. 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

[Lain599]

Really shocking for me as I am about to get divorced by my abusive husband. I have 2 sons, no one, and intend to go to college again.

Keep going forth! I have the same psychological issues. Due to overdosing, I cannot take anti-anxiety meds.

[Hidden]

I think if you have been through something traumatic like this it is probably quite normal for a person to feel the need to withdraw and hibernate from the world for a while. I would say for a reasonable period of time, if you feel like you want to be at home a lot, it's fine to do this. But if you do, you must at the same time try not to let yourself ruminate too much or worry about the future! The future doesn't exist and there is no way we can trully predict it with any great accuracy! If you allow yourself to really rest and relax properly, with the right support and in a safe environment, your anxiety will most likely dissipate and gradually you will feel able to venture out into the world again a little more every day.

[Hidden]

You sound just like me! I have learned that I have to face my fears & when I do it goes well for me, that leaves me with a positive & I focus on that instead of the negative. I wish for you peace of mind & that you are able to conquer this. Remember how powerful our brains are & fight the good fight, stand strong for you! Love & Hugs!!!

[Juliagail]

I do. I just got divorced after being together for 28 years, we have 3 kids. I have severe anxiety and just wrote a post yesterday about that feeling of being frozen and incapable of getting anything done at home let alone going out to the store. Do you take any meds? I find xanax works well for me and also Benedryl. Both make me a bit sleepy but I find it much easier to face the outside world. This has been an issue for me as long as I can remember, it’s frustrating as hell but I did finally come to accept that we are not all the same, some people just cannot manage the same as others. My ex is almost hyper in the way he functions, working 10 hours a day then coming home and doing hobbies, working out, non stop until bed time. And me? Nope. Can keep up with a 1/4 of that. I’ve been a stay at home mom since my oldest was 1, weve moved 6 times for his job, and he wants our kids to be as busy as he is, which also makes me busy and I don’t agree with! It’s not my lifestyle and after years and years I realized I was very lonely being married to him. He is also emotionally unavailable and has never recognized my anxiety. I don’t think he believes it’s a real thing.

I too don’t think I can handle a job. I got a job last summer knowing we were going to split, it was very part time, 2-5 hours a day only, and was very very difficult to manage. I quit when summer came this year, to spend uninterrupted time with my kids I said but in reality it was because I couldn’t handle my anxiety. I have spousal support so I luckily have a few years before I have to get back to working full time but I have massive doubts I can even do it. It’s really scary.

And that love department. Not sure it’ll ever happen again because I think I may be too high maintenance and not sure if anyone will be up for the challenges a person with anxiety brings so I’m focused on just trying to be my best self alone for now. I do want to spend my life with someone though. Maybe on line dating is the way for us? Start in a place where we can be relaxed and be ourselves, at home. I think I’m worthy of it again but anxiety is a huge barrier. It’ll be hard that’s for sure. But I am better off not married to my ex and I can see that clearly now. Since he doubted my anxiety I know now that I did too which made it that much harder for me. It’s hard after so many years to be divorced from him but I know it was the right thing for me.

I have to thank you for your post. I started this post with the intention of supporting you but I guess I felt like we have a lot in common and I opened up and i feel so much better. 😊.

I’m so sorry your anxiety leads to panic so often, sometimes when I’m having a really hard day but have to get out I go late at night when there are less people. My kids are old enough now that they can stay on their own at 9 at night. And the meds help a lot. All the best to you. If you ever want to chat I’m here. ❤️

[kjayness in reply to Juliagail]

Thanks for your reply! My husband treated me as a burden because my anxiety prevented me from doing things like going to the grocery store. I think that further contributed to my anxiety. I have good and bad days. Some days I can go run errands but I usually only pick up one or two things, Like milk for my son. I panic when I feel trapped in public areas like grocery stores or target for instance. I have been on Zoloft since my son was born however I don’t think it helps I have still been the most anxious and most depressed that I have ever been in my life so I know now that I need to switch meds. I do have a prescription for benzos but it is very old, like 4 years old and I’m not sure if they are still good to take lol. Next time I see my doctor I’ll ask if he can refill it.

I too am worried I won’t be able to function in a full time job because the anxiety makes me so tired and I get horrible fatigue to the point were i need to lay down. I think if I could work from home that would be best but I know it is also isolating and doesn’t give me the opportunity to grow.

[Juliagail in reply to kjayness]

My husband would give me the silent treatment for weeks at a time. The worse I felt the more he’d ignore me then I felt even worse. And even after counseling he didn’t get it, it was an impossible situation.

I understand the fatigue, I feel it daily. It’s frustrating to say the least. I too spend time every day laying down and napping. I try to keep the guilt at bay but it’s hard. The older I get and live with it the more I see it’s just who I am.

I think you should make getting to the doctor a priority. Put it at the top of your list. Have you tried meditation? I find it pretty helpful. I started when I read a book by geneen Roth, she gave basic, easy instructions on how to get started and I got a lot from it. I think it helps a lot.

[hammock_lvr]

I know I’m late to this thread but can relate and see myself in a lot of the posts.

How are you all doing?

I’m unemployed not by choice. Broke my heart in many ways but I’m an older professional, a woman and made some nice dough. Been major depression for three or more years.

Most recently unemployed 10 months ago. It’s been rough as I am in a new community and know no one. However....I’ve been working at finding something - anything - so I don’t feel totally worthless. I have a lot of negative self talk.

So, hoping this resonates. I feel like after a couple years of reading and learning recently discovered podcasts and its like I finally figured out how to learn about, really understand and be gentle with managing my ADHD. I was diagnosed adhd a few years back. Have have anxiety and major depression forever, likely, but became an issue in my late 20’s, now about to turn 55. Left my husband 8 yrs ago with kids and my professional job was chaos. Eventually got totally burned out and realized the adhd issue.... have lost two jobs and am beginning to wonder if I should retire but I have little income. I drive for lyft and that has helped me have faith in people again. I am on the bolder side that way, but am often terrified to actually leave the house. Once I do, 75% of the time I am okay.

My kids are teens and I don’t want them to see me down and depressed and trying to hide that I cry a lot. BTW, I don’t feel that old. But I believe this is the first time in my life I’m hung up about my age because I think it’s heavily influencing my ability to get a job offer. Also I feel like I’m desperate and that comes across. This is 360 degrees from where I was though, as a professional for a couple decades. The change is hard to understand. But I trusted people I shouldn’t have and paid dearly.

Anyway for me with not just the meds. I have to develop ways to manage all of it. And it’s taken a lot of effort and a lot of listening to me, myself and i. I realized I always looked through others perception of me. You name the person, before I thought about how I look, I’d think about what they were thinking about me. Does that sound as circular as it feels like to write???

I feel like I’m learning to ice skate all Over again as I try to think of myself first, whobbly. But for the sake of my 13 and 15 year olds they need me. And they need a role model who succeeds at least to some degree. Not sure mybyou gest remembers when I was jamming and functional. But instead of beating myself up by thinking that way (ugh) I need to put that oxygen mask on me, before I can help another. Even my own kids. Plus, I also am no Master of clutter cleaning but taking a pile at a time has given me a lot of positive intrinsic rewards. Now I’m trying to use that to tackle other obstacles. We’ll see but I can’t believe I finally have some hope just because I like how something looks in my bedroom! Wow. What a thought to think something positive about something I did?? Sounds like I’m joking but I’m serious. its the best way I can describe it.

With all that said, I’m terrified of having a set back but the podcasts with friendly, often funny people discussing strategies or a habit that might make a difference here or there.

My big next try is to get up one hour before kids need to get up, shower or take dogs for walk immediately. I need both of those things completed first thing, and I know I can face the day in a completely different mindset. I need to start this practice though. 😬 first step always the hardest. And kids have Presidents’ Bday holiday today. So tomorrow it is, hopefully.

Does that make sense to anyone?

Thank you if you read the whole message. I am so grateful for this site. Value is so high for me trying to understand how to manage my life in a more healthy, and hopefully happier way.

❤️ Thanks.