My kids will be as miserable as me

[PeanutsAndChocolate]

I’ve been stuck on this thought for a while that, even though my parents gave me life out of love, my depression and overall unhappiness has made me not really want it, so it has been a “poisoned gift”. I’m sure they hoped the best for me, but the amount of effort that I constantly need to put into not falling into an episode makes it really hard. It feels like life was a gift I didn’t really want, but I couldn’t say no at the time and now I’m stuck with it.

Now I see children having a great time playing around and wonder whether they too will come to the same realization one day, when they are older. I don’t think I can get myself to put that unwanted load a child of my own. The possibility that they will be as miserable as I am makes it feel very unfair to force them into living.

Does anyone else feel that way?

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the forum. Gotta tell you I love the user name

Maybe once you get your depression under control you will feel differently.

I do hope those children you see that are happy and care free will remain that way. Statistically some will not stay that way. This is very sad

I hope you are in therapy and able to work thought your issues

We all deserve to be happy

🐬

[PeanutsAndChocolate in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you for your message

My symptoms have been coming and going for a few years now, and anytime I feel good, there is a tiny voice that tells me to not get too excited, because it won’t last forever. Sometimes it feels really annoying to have this thought, but others it feels like it’s protecting me from getting into things that will hurt me. The idea of changing my mind on this topic when I feel better also kind of scares me, because of the guilt I could feel seeing my child suffer like I once feared they would.

[Dolphin14 in reply to PeanutsAndChocolate]

I know exactly what you are saying. Do you think that little voice telling you it won't last is a voice that comes from low self worth?

It is a protector part. If you think that way you won't be disappointed.

I can't relate to all of the above. It was only through years of therapy I was able to understand this and change things.

I can only recommend to keep working. There is a resolution to all of this. However, it's a long painful road. At least it was for me.

I wish you the best.

🐬

[PeanutsAndChocolate in reply to Dolphin14]

I will, thank you for the encouragement All the best to you as well.

[Agora1]

Welcome PeanutsAndChocolate to our virtual community of caring friends.

(by the way, I love your user name) literally lol

From generation to generation, we hope that we can change what we learned

growing up so as not to pass down the same traits to our children.

Having been a Foster Mother, I've seen the results of those children who learned

the wrong message from parents who didn't change their ways.

Yes, we live and we learn from what we are taught as children but that doesn't

say as we mature, that we can't change our ways.

You're right in that nobody asks to be born, but my belief is that we are here for

a reason. Whatever that reason, it is in our power to change the path we were

brought into. Hopefully to a more positive, productive way.

I do respect the fact of your decision in not to have children, That is a personal

decision that only you know best to make. I'm happy you are here with us. xx

[PeanutsAndChocolate in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your kind words

I suppose it’s the same fear as the one you would have doing any other thing that scares you, of it possibly going _horribly wrong_. The chances are probably not that high, and there are many things you can do to try and prevent the horrible thing from happening. However, it feels like a dangerous game to play if one of the possible outcomes is another human being going through so much pain. The only way of making the risk zero is not having the child. And I understand this is a very reductionist way of thinking, but it’s the one I’m able to have now.

It’s also a little heartbreaking to admit that this is how I feel. That even if things get better for me, the pain will have still happened and it may have made the whole game not worth playing. If it was a literal game and there was an “exit game” button, I think I would probably press it.

[Agora1 in reply to PeanutsAndChocolate]

I do respect your decision PeanutsAndChocolate...Maybe if more people thought

seriously about the children they bring into the world, we wouldn't have so many

in foster care and needing psycho therapy in their lives. Keeping you in my thoughts.

I Care xx

[Musiclover68]

Bless you. Parenting is a blessing but tough. Here to talk if you need a friend. 😌

[LadyZen]

Remember that we make our own individual choices in life. Just because we may be unhappy or happy doesn't mean that someone else is going to feel the same.