I hate me

[ImLost3]

I don’t know where to start I’m so broken so lost in so much pain. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. I was in a very toxic relationship For 4years we were never together but he always made it seem like we were. He “loved” me. He played mind games on me and made me do things I would’ve never done. I don’t know how I let someone control and make me hate myself. I hate everything about me. I hate I let them make me this way. I hate I care for someone who always treated me so horribly. I hate myself for not leaving along time ago. I hate myself for the decision I did for him and now I will have to live with them for the rest of my life. I hate I wasn’t smart enough to know he just used me despite everyone around me telling me he was. I hate I loved him and cared for him at all.

[brokenlight]

❤️

[blackcat64013]

🙋‍♀️🐊It seems a lot has gone wrong for you lately in that relationship for which I would like to share a hug with you.

When you are ready, you might like to talk about the past and put it to bed, then look to brighter future, either here in the forum or with a counsellor. You don't have to forgive him but you can work on moving on.👍

[HippieChic5]

I did the same for 30 years. Exactly what you wrote. I wasted the healthy years of my life. I want to encourage you that 4 years in the big picture of life is a blip and it won’t take you.a long time to recover. You learned A LOT being with him. I recommend doing self-care (good books out there) one called self Compassion that would be good. Seek self-worth before dating again. Get to where you like you Or you could end up with another mean one like I did. Respect yourself. Forgive yourself. Lessons learned. Grieve & accept, forgive, then let it all go. My thoughts. You are precious and valuable and should be treated nothing less.

[Ladybug9]

PLEASE stop hating yourself! Love makes us do absolutely crazy things and most of the time, as the saying goes, Love is Blind! And it's true. I did stupid things when I was 18 over a guy. He didn't want to pay for his parent's Christmas presents so he had me steal for him. Thank the good Lord that the judge saw through my naitiviy and gave me probation. And it didn't end at 18. 15 years ago I married a man who I thought, (THOUGHT) was a good man and so did my family . Until I got a call from my boys who said they needed to speak to me NOW and off I went still in my pajamas. I found out this man I thought I knew, was sexually abusing my granddaughter! Blind faith and Blind love. It happens to all of us. Please don't beat yourself up over anything that has happened in the past. Start new, today, right now! Forgive yourself. In the end, you are the one suffering and carrying the pain. He doesn't give it a second thought. You are worth so much more than what you feel about yourself. I promise!