I hate living at home

[Ceemulann]

I’m on 20 and I want to move out so bad😭 my mum and my siblings are so dependant on me because I’m the oldest and it’s become draining. My mum and I aren’t close at all so we don’t talk about things like this hence why I’m here. I just need my own space to breathe and have peaceful thought. Having 5 younger siblings ages 17 - 2 is a lot to handle especially when when you have to clean up after them. My mum always complains that I should be controlling them (when they misbehaving I have to talk to them) and telling them what to do; my thing is why do I have to do why can’t she do it herself, they don’t even listen. My mum has really spoilt my siblings and it’s so unfair because I never got that treatment when I was younger, when I was younger she basically had the mentality that I had to fend for myself .. for example I was never allowed a phone till I was 16 and since the age of 16 I have been paying my own phone bills with my lunch money ... stuff like clothes and shoes I had to purchase myself. I’m just tired of being an adult I’m only 20 I need to enjoy a little ... I feel like a mother of 5😩 the fact that I’m out of work because of the pandemic is even more frustrating because 1. I can’t even save up to get my own place and 2. I’m at home 24/7 because of the lockdown (I took a gap year from uni) so I’m just tired and drained .

[lena16]

I’m sorry about your living situation. I’m 23 a little older than you but I too was living at home and feeling stuck bc of the pandemic until this past month when I finally saved up enough money to move out. I also struggled making money bc of the pandemic and was only able to get some part-time work which wasn’t enough, until I finally got a job a few weeks ago. I needed to get out for my mental health for reasons different than yours but I understand how draining living at home can be.

Before I saved up enough money, I remember getting an airbnb for one night just to be completely alone for a day. It helped me clear my head and breath a little and it was a wonderful break before I had enough money to actually move out. I would try that. I don’t know what the prices are like in your area, but I got a pretty nice place for about 30$. Also if you need someone to talk to about this you can reach out to me because I was like you up until a few weeks ago so I can be a source of support for you😊😊

[Ceemulann in reply to lena16]

Thank you for this, hopefully I get a job soon this pandemic made everything so difficult but I’m not giving up hope. Also I love the idea of getting an Airbnb for a night or two I’ll defo do that ☺️

[lena16 in reply to Ceemulann]

Yes! Don’t give up hope! I was struggling for over a year and I got discouraged but it worked out in the end!

[hypercat54]

Your mother has turned you into a surrogate parent and this is very unfair on you. She chose to have all those children and it is her job as a mother to well....mother them. Not you. Especially if you have older siblings who are certainly capable of looking after themselves and the younger ones too. I appreciate it's very difficult in lockdown and I am in the UK as well and it's driving me to distraction but for different reasons of course.

Why don't you apply for a temporary job eg with a supermarket? I know it's probably not what you want to do in life but if you can earn some money you can find your own place. Ok it will probably be just a room somewhere but it might be better than your current circumstances. Or do you have a friend or other family you can stay with for a while? I presume you will be going back to further education later this year so it would only be temporary anyway. At least you aren't in the USA where you have to pay a fortune for education and you can get loans or a part time job to help with costs.

When you are no longer home to 'parent' your siblings they and your mother will have to learn to get alone without you. Good luck.

[Ceemulann in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for this I do appreciate it, unfortunately I’ve been looking for jobs everyday even ones that I’m not qualified for I apply for everything some don’t respond back to me or I don’t an interview. But I’m not giving up hopefully I find a job soon.

[hypercat54 in reply to Ceemulann]

Yes not saying it's easy but something will come up hopefully. I suggested a supermarket as they are one of the few growth industries at the moment and are run off their feet. I know a couple of people who got temporary jobs there.

I can't wait for the end of lockdown as it's like a nightmare that refuses to end isn't it? Hopefully by Easter or before maybe? Who knows.

[Ceemulann in reply to hypercat54]

Yess hopefully before Easter, we will see their plans ... I wish they did a better lockdown last year March but hopefully this lockdown helps

[hypercat54 in reply to Ceemulann]

Well at least there are the vaccines now thank goodness. I can't wait to have mine and as I come into the clinically vulnerable group it should be within the next month. Fingers crossed.

[Dubba61]

I'm sorry for your situation Cee. I had a friend in a very similar position a few years back. It seems a shame when oldest Children are called upon to look after younger ones, in big families. They are not your responsibility. My friend has moved out now, has a little job and is so much happier. I know that for now, you can't change things. But, remember that this is just for now. Things will change. You won't always feel like this.

[Ceemulann in reply to Dubba61]

Thank you so much for this, I’m keeping hopeful that things will change soon 🤞🏾

[FearIsALiar]

That sounds really tough. I am sorry you’re having to go through this. I am 20 as well and I really want to move out. I feel so behind with my life. No license or job

[Ceemulann in reply to FearIsALiar]

I understand how you feel, hopefully you find a job soon and save so you can move out

[Hidden]

Let me tell u wht stresses me abt parents, they give birth to hundred children at once and expect the older ones to take over. They tend to be strict to the older ones and relax wt the younger which makes them spoilt and we are expected to pick after their mistakes. I do understand we are humans and we make mistakes, it just not fair when that mistake violate someone else.Many times I am seen as insensitive sometimes but I just want to b fair when it comes to ppl. Love ur siblings and help whe u can. If helping someone else means die, how would u help them in the future when u dead? People die emotional and when u r drained and dead emotional u can't help em. So do what u can and make sure u r not out of fuel bcz u won't do it 4 long.

Do what u can and don't stress especially during this time of lock down when we are forced to be wt family and drive each other crazy. Luv ur siblings and remember it's not their fault this is the situation, but u can't give what u don't have.

[Ceemulann in reply to Hidden]

Yes this is the problem, my mum wanted a lot of children because she wanted a big family .. I’m grateful to have siblings but she really needs to re evaluate her parenting skills because once I leave I am not coming back .. and I wonder how she will cope.. my siblings are lazy and they depend on someone telling them what to do ; for example if something is on the floor like a book they will walk right past it knowing it’s on the floor where as I pick it up as soon as I enter the room... so I have to tell them “if there’s something on the floor pick it up” but they never listen and it’s annoying because I’m not the parent so of course they aren’t going to listen to me.

My mum will say stuff like “you’re meant to tell them what to do and how to do it” my siblings are 15, 16 and 17 (the youngers are 2 and 6 so they are fine) but the teens should be able to things without asking them to do it because when I was there age I was doing things without being told, they have been babied and my mum doesn’t see it nor does she do anything about it.

But I seriously can’t wait till the day I leave this house, they need to fend for themselves for a while so they become less dependant on me and my mum needs to really start putting in more effort because she already making me take care of the younger ones and that is even more draining.. but I’ll suck it up .

Someone suggested getting a hotel or get an Airbnb which I will do after the lockdown .. I definitely need some time to myself .. last time I had time to myself was when I was at uni when I was 18😭 I can’t wait to finish my course in September!