I hate having to be a mother - Anxiety and Depre...

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I hate having to be a mother


I hate being a mother

I hate it every day, it's why I don't play with them it's why I'm.always late on any doc appointments or school activities because I hate that. I hate having to make sure all there shit is taken care of. I've been a mother for 10 years and I absolutely am overwhelmed with regrets every day of my life. I just screamed at them because my oldest knocked over one of my plants. It's not about the plant, that plant symbolizes children fuck up anything that you want to keep nice. How sad is it, that I would talk about my hatred of motherhood all day? I feel happy when I talk about how much I hate what I've done to my life. I'm 30 years old and I've had kids since I was 20. I didn't have the "fun" years. I had kids. I didn't get drunk.at some party , I didn't sleep in my car at the beach with my friends, I didn't get to find my "worth". Of course mature loving mother's would say "but dear, aren't children worth more than those silly adolescent regrets"?. Um nope there not. Not to me. It's not worth it to me to end my life to give them there's. And I mean that theoretically, I'm not suicidal. I get sick every morning knowing I've got to feed them breakfast, I cringe when I hear them running to me, I wince when I think about them needing clothes that they'll ruin, jeans that they'll rip, and food that they'll waste. Anyone else can say I'm being selfish and horrible. But that's the worst part, I don't care. I hate being a mother and that's just all there is to it.

26 Replies

So sorry you're feeling this way, am not a mother yet but will be soon. Please, for the sake of these kids reduce your hatred for motherhood so that they will not be affected in the long run. Your hatred for motherhood won't vanish in a day but just take your time. Please it's not healthy for these kids.

Thank you and i agree, honestly I havent had any social media for about 6 years now and I'm glad I found this place to vent. I have to apologise to them and explain to them that normal mother's do not act the way I do, ive always wished I could be great for them but I can't get past my own regrets. But at the end of the day your right and regardless of how I feel I don't want them to be like me . Thank you and congratulations on your upcoming journey :)

Thank you, please don't be so hard on yourself. It's going to be a gradual process and you have to be determined. Tell you what? You're a great mother! Your kids are super proud to have you.

Dear Mother: "Don't let a moment of pleasure, obscure the future" (Posted on my OBG's

wall in his office) "Too little, too late" for you and other mother's who have had babies too

soon. And that's why there are grandparents and foster mothers. As a Foster Mother myself, I saw what children go through who have not had the love and nourishment that

they need.

I understand your needs as well. Your youth was stolen from you by choice or by accident.

Never the less, the anger stays with you because the job of a Mother is never ending.

Have you ever thought of an alternative placement? Have you received professional

therapy for your emotional state? It's more than clear that no one in your household

can be happy or feel loved. We all want to feel that as humans.

It starts with childhood. If feeling wanted and loved is not there, the emotional abuse

continues throughout adulthood where they can be forever in treatment.

I'm glad that you reached out to us. This is a safe, nonjudgmental site to come to where

you can get the support and understanding you need. There are many who are on here

now as adults because of their childhood traumas.

It sounds like you may need someone to love and cherish you as well. I'm glad you are

here with us and chose to take that first step forward in giving yourself and your children

some happiness. We care so much about each other. You are not alone. Motherhood

can be an overwhelming duty. We're only a message away anytime you need to talk :) xx

Thank you for your honesty . Long story short my birth mother adopted me out to her cousin and her husband when I was a baby . During a drug rage her cousin knelt down to me when I was 7 or 8 years old (young enough I remember her having to squat down to me) and told me I'm not your real mom , shelly is! And Butch isn't your real dad either! I think from there I didn't know how to release that much pain so I closed myself off and went numb. Nothing was the same from then, I grew very weary of any women in my life. My fear is, how do I make up for how I act towards them, I know children are like mirrors and they reflect what they see. How do I accept the fact that I never got to experience my 20s? Im a stay at home mom with a very old fashioned husband who works out of town. Am I just being overwhelming imature? :( And like I said in my last post I haven't been on social media for several years and I'm glad I found this site to anonymously vent :)

I wish I could reach out and hug you right now x Your story is very reminiscent in what

I've seen through the eyes of being a foster mother. My daughter's biological mom had

5 children between her 20's and 30's. She too had been adopted although adoption can't always be held as the reason for her issues. She got caught up with the wrong men

and drug use. When I met her all 5 children were sent to foster homes. We would meet

once a week at McDonalds for visits. I immediately took a liking to her. I think I was the

only foster mother who did. I'd hug her and tell her that I wasn't there to take her child

away but just to help her until she found herself and got off drugs.

Eight years later, with no improvement in her status, the children were all adopted by

the foster parents. And I became the mother of a 10year old.

Two years later the biological mother died of an overdose. Fast forward to today, I still

think of her and wish I could have saved her. You have done nothing wrong. It's difficult

to be a stay at home mom and have missed out on your younger years. From the moment I read your post you had my heart as well as your children.

I can only hope that with our support and love you will find the answers you need to

be what I know you are capable of. A great mother. It's in your heart. You just need a

little time for you as well. I care about you. Hugs, Agora1 :) xx

Dolphin14 in reply to Agora1

Beautiful words Agora1

Agora1 in reply to Dolphin14

Thanks Dolphin, I hope you are doing well. :) xx

Dolphin14 in reply to Agora1

I'm doing well Agora. I hope you are also.

Poodie in reply to Dolphin14

I second that !


I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I'm not a mother and I'm never going to be. I don't like children and the thought of having them makes me feel ill. I can't even look after myself let alone other ppl. My mother did not like me and its kinda made me they way I am but it has made me the way I am for me she used to say if she didn't have me she could have done so much more. Responsibility is hard but you chose to make children and you don't want them to be adults with issues trust me on that. Kids don't choose to be born and once they are can't change it. You might hate if but its not their fault they didn't ask to be born. You have your own feelings for sure and you are entitled to them but they shouldn't be put on yr kids. I apologise is this upsets you it was not my intention just speaking from experience.

You should speak to someone for the sake of your children

I know how you feel my sister was the same way, she became a mother at 16 I used to help her with her kids because I knew patience with kids is hard. Anyway she’s 31 now and she became an awesome mother so don’t be too hard on yourself love you kids and love yourself.

My heart breaks for you and your children.

I think the good thing here is you reached out and you are open and sincere about how you feel.

You are a loving person. You care for your children or you wouldn't be here. I applaud you for your honesty.

I am the product of emotional childhood neglect. I never felt loved or wanted. It's effected me my whole life.

It sounds like you need some love and nurturing yourself. Can you reach out for some professional help and guidance. You need to learn some better parenting skills. You also need to learn to fit in some " me time"

I was a single parent at the age of 20. Having grown up the way I did there was something in me that told me I needed to give so much more to my daughter. I did that and I'm proud to say I broke the cycle. Did I miss things? Yes. Was it easy? No.

But through it all I did not want to see in her eyes what I felt in my own heart. The pain of not feeling loved or feeling like a burden is too much for a little one.

I wish you the best of luck. It's never too late to change the path. With the proper support you can find happiness for yourself and give your kids a solid loving foundation.

Hidden in reply to Dolphin14

this is an amazing response and i completely agree with you!

I can understand. I had my baby at 20. Now I'm 21. But you're lucky. At least, I think so.

I have to get infusions every two weeks. I was on life support. I had to be on dialysis, have blood transfusions and plasmapheresis, as well as spending a month in a hospital. It all happened because I had my son.

Pregnancy/child birth triggered a very life threatening and rare autoimmune disease called aHUS. But I'd do it again in a heart beat.

My mother resented us when I was a child, she hates being a mom. She was young too, and she never got to have her childhood. Now I'm here. Going through suicidal thoughts and feeling like I will never be good enough.

I lost my childhood, too. I gave up all those great times I could've had, and now I won't ever be able to experience them because of my son. This is a safe space and I'm so sorry you feel this way.

But I want to be honest, you're being very toxic to them. You chose to have them. I don't know the circumstances, but I don't need to. They are here because of you, and unfortunately, you have to take responsibility and do what you can for them. They shouldn't feel unloved because you aren't up to it. You should work harder so they will grow up knowing that it isn't right to feel such hatred...

I'm so sick, and tired constantly. I wish I could get up and do school activities with my little boy when he gets in school, and teach him all the things he should know now at his age. But I can't because of my illness. You're so lucky to be healthy and able to do all those things for your child. I can't even go out of the house with my son because if I do and I get sick, I could very well die and leave him without me.

I am a very positive person, but I cannot see how someone could take their ability to do everything they can for their kid, for granted.

Some mom's would give their life to have a child. And you hate having that opportunity. I really hope your heart opens up one day and you realize that you have it so good.

I wish nothing but the best for you. Enjoy the time you have with them.. some mothers aren't lucky enough to be able to...

I too am a child of neglect...emotional and physical. As well as child abuse.

I understand every thing your saying, as I'm sure it's what my mother felt. She never wanted to be a mother and resented every day of having to be one. She took it out on me. When she was pregnant, I was to be put up for adoption....at the last minute she changed her mind. I don't know if my life would have been better if I had been adopted, but I would have liked to think it would have been.

A lot of people are very empathetic and understanding of your situation, but I'd like to say that if you don't want to be a mother....give your children up to families who would really want them. Do that much for your children, and in turn of course this would free you up to do all the things you feel you didn't get to experience.

Not everyone wants to be or is cut out to be a parent...that's okay. I never wanted to be a parent for fear of if anything ever happened to me and my kid or kids had to be put with someone who didn't love or want them, and they had to have the kind of childhood I did.


Parenting is hard. Really hard. I get the whole aspect of what you're saying. There are days I wish I could run away and not come back. Then I think of how hurt my kids would be by that. They don't understand completely what you're feeling, and trust me I have gone as far as trying to hide in the closet. They find me. Every. Single. Time. And when they do it makes me realize that as much as they can drive me crazy, they have brought so much love and joy to my life. And one day these days will be gone.

I had my first child at 17. I didn't graduate high school, or go to prom. I had every intention on doing both. My school wasn't willing to work with me. I was married at 17. By 19 I had two little boys in my life. I am so thankful for my mom who helped me more than I could ever have imagined. At one point she had guardianship over my oldest. I used to resent her so bad for that, like she just wanted to steal my son from me. And as I've gotten older, I'm thankful she did. My husband and I fought all the time, and my kids were being subjected to that. I got thrown out, what felt like, every other week. Over the course of the next 4 to 5 years I went buck wild, did what I wanted, and got to "experience" what you didn't. And in all honesty I wish I had not done the things I did. I wasn't missing anything. I definitely thought I was. But my kids paid the price for that, and that is one thing that to this day, is hard for me to think about. I'm a stay at home mom too. Being in the house with kids all day is trying. And there are so many days I wanted to quit being a mom. But my kids have been the biggest blessing I've ever had. They can offer you something that others can't. Love. Love that is so strong that it might one day make you question what you did right to have these little people love you like they do. I hope one day you can see how amazing kids can be, even in the mess, and everything else. If there was ever a point they weren't with you, you might be surprised how devestating it is. I've been there, and I don't ever want to experience that again. My hope for you is that you get a little break to regroup and sort your thoughts so you can be the mom you're capable of, and that they deserve

Please see a family psyche. Your feelings toward your children are very dangerous and will affect them for the rest of theirs. I'm thinking you have something else going on that is causing resentment and you are blaming innocent children.......there is help out there for you.

I was single mom to my son.my only child. At 20 he drowned in a raging river.........he was my world and now I am completely alone. NO ONE is guaranteed even 1 more hour or 1 more day.........you do not want regrets if one of your children dies.

I’m a sixty year old retired woman. I know and I feel what you in a different sense. I have very deep depression that I keep to myself. Running through my mind in a loop.....”you really fucked up your life”

But I have forty four years of wrong decisions, horrible choices, wrong paths in life, etc. I will think back to some stupid decision in 1978 which I think set the rocky path I chose in the 80’s......and so on and on.

I know regret will never do a thing but cause deeper depression, anxiety, and extreme sadness.

Get help with a therapist to deal with this repetitive thinking. It’s worth it to you and your children.

Don’t wait until you’ve got four decades to regret

hi I was the last of 6 children 3 of them died before the age of 1 so my mum adopted thinking she couldn`t have a child that survived but my brother and sister did.when my mum was pregnant with me she was told to abort but being a catholic she said no but my dad didn`t want another child.we had a terrible father/son relationship for nearly 40 years and I was known as the bxxxxxd child never shown real love or affection by him.in the end after an almighty struggle we spent 8 normal years as father and son yes full of regrets on both sides.my first born was more or less used against me as an emotional pawn I was prevented from being a father and that tore me to bits but he was killed at 6 years old.I went through years never imagining being a parent again but now I am and I try to preach and show the opposite of what I went through and maybe with help that is something you can implement in your own situation.

I just read what I posted and I would like to say I apologize. I do struggle with bi polar and depression, anxiety, etc. And I can't believe I posted what I did because I'm a very private person, but I'm thankful. I do not have a large social circle, nor do I reach out in times I feel lost. But after reading everyone's replies I'm very surprised at how much its helping me and going to in the future. I love my kids, I really do. Im going to do everything in my power to be what I want to be towards them. What they deserve. *I do not want to see in there eyes what I feel in my heart* I do not want them to grow up to be cold and resentful. And for the hearts that have lost there children, that shakes me, and I cry with just the thought. I tend to get caught up in my own thoughts and I can go to a very selfish place, where everything is just so horrible for me, and that's not the truth. I want to thank you again my friends for all your honesty. I know it's one day at a time , but releasing the emotions I've had for so long on here and reading what you all have said. It helped more than I ever thought. Have a wonderful Saturday : )

Tears of joy reach out to you today...

Through this amazing forum, you saw the light. No need

to say "you're sorry". Mental Health issues sometimes doesn't

allow us to think or act rationally.

Of course you love your children. I think all the emotions of a lifetime

have been building up and you just needed to get this all out. You did this

in a safe and understanding place. I'm proud of you dear. Sending my love :) xx

And you too, make it a great Saturday

we can be to hard on ourselves as parents but most kids wouldn`t swap us for anyone else and that includes you.

Hi hon,

I get where you are coming from, some days I wish I wasn't a mum too. I wasn't maternal, baby's just don't do it for me. Even after having my son, I still struggle with the demands.

Yoy say you are a stay at home mum, that could be a problem, when my son was a baby, I felt like I didn't exist, everyone was, how's the baby, what is up too and doing. But no one asked how I was, was I coping etc. I got a part time job, when my maternity ended. It was fantastic, I was around adults, to talk too, they weren't just asking about my son, and I strated to feel like I existed again, could you maybe get a part time job, which will get you some work colleagues, who might ask you, to join them for a night out,

Or if you cannot, how about asking your husband to look after the kids, one nigh a week, so you could go out.

You feel like you are missing out, so this might help you lift your spirits a bit.

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