Genuinely

[HeartoftheTriforce]

Sometimes my self worth makes me feel like no one cares for me. When im away from people i dont cope well. i feel like a lot of my self worth comes from others. I cant rely on others all the time. But i just want to someone to talk about how we feel genuinely. i just want to spend time with more than one person.

[Hidden]

To me it seems like these days no one wants to bother to actually talk on the phone. People just text each other back and forth. I'm actually really introverted and I don't always want to talk either, but I get lonely too.

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to Hidden]

Or even meet up! Which is what i really need right now

[Dolphin14]

I'm the opposite. I prefer to be alone.

Do you have a group of people you enjoy being with?

Are you able to express yourself openly?

It is important to be able to speak how we feel and be validated. We don't get validation from everyone in our lives that's for sure. It is good to find people that really understand the path we are on. No one will unless they have walked it themselves.

I hope you find the right people to help you on this journey.

I wish you peace.

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to Dolphin14]

i usually do too

I do have a group but 4 hours away

i Hope i do too thank you so much

[Hidden]

You sound like you need to start connecting with your neighbourhood !! I do this regular clerks I say I like your hair or ask how their days going or crack a joke about something I try to talk to them like they matter they do I try to connect over time that way. They get to know you. Even at Starbucks be friendly hi you guys nice to see you I’d love a tall latte ... hang out there become a regular do that all over your hood over time you meet more people.

[Hidden]

Your third sentence struck a chord with me because I'm dealing with the same thing. I look to others for self-approval and, when I don't get it from even one person, it hurts a lot. I'm learning that what others think about me doesn't matter; it's what I think about myself that matters. I hope you can learn this too.

The only one who should be giving approval of you is you! Other people will think what they want about you, but it doesn't mean they're right. My therapist once told me that everyone has their own "truths" -- about others, about themselves and about the world around them. Doing so is how we categorize and make sense of things. Someone might have their version of the truth about you (and they are entitled to that,), but it doesn't mean it's right. Your own truth about yourself is what matters.

[HeartoftheTriforce]

Yeah I know as long as im being positive and good to myself that i shouldnt let others bring me down or the lack of people being there as they dont like me or whatever.

I struggle to give myself approval but yeah i gotta live my own truth...And find it and solidify it

[Flower_2501 in reply to HeartoftheTriforce]

Hello,

I’ve found reading your post very similar to how I’ve felt for years but I’ve kept it hidden and masked it unbelievably well. And then behind closed doors I’ve spent endless nights not sleeping over something I said or someone else said an over thinking it to the point I feel so anxious.

I’ve suffered from health problems for years now and it’s gone from bad to worse and my social circle got smaller and smaller based upon people not understanding my health problems and the way it’s changed my life.

One thing I’ll say is, I had a massive group of friends and the pressure was too much. I mean we are all different. And the fall was heartbreaking watching them cut ties with me based upon the fact I couldn’t be the same person anymore. They were willing to understand. It doesn’t matter how many people you have around you, you can still feel lonely. Trust me I’ve been there.

In the last 6-12months has been the biggest changes in my life socially, family and friends and work friends.

I’ve started to find hobbies I like based upon what makes me smile during and after. Finding that happiness has filled the hole of all the people I lost contact with. Because this time I was lonely. Now I’ve got a small handful of people, a few friends and my partner and my dog Freddie. I’m now learning after all these years, to just love my life for what makes me happy.

Sending you my thoughts and I hope you’re ok x

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to Flower_2501]

I think you are very very strong to go through such a big change and come out really loving those closest to you and finding new ways to cope.

[pink318]

“I can't rely on others all the time”, I agree. I used to be relying on friends so I can be happy but eventually, I realized that it’s not good. My life has improved since I joined a life group. I meet them once a week regularly but because of social distancing, we meet online. In my life group, we pray and encourage one another. We learn from each others’ life experiences and it's a big help for me.

You have mentioned that you have a group of friends, you can talk to them online or video call so you can connect with them. Keep sharing, by being here it can help you to feel less lonely and alone. Keep us posted. God bless.

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to pink318]

i have a group of friends but they are busy bees and dont have much time to talk

[pink318 in reply to HeartoftheTriforce]

We can be your friends, so keep sharing.

I hope you will stay in the forum and you will find comfort here.

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to pink318]

thank you! it feels really nice to share here

[Hidden]

Soooo... Here I come with a true story. I'm Ashley by the way, and this post resonated with me. I have horrible self esteem self worth and self love. It's very easy for me to love and forgive and respect others. But when it comes to me? Nooooo. My lovely compulsive thinking about literally every mistake I make sits with me. And enjoys reminding me how screwed up I can be. That aside, I just had a two hour talk the other night about how I feel less than most women. I have a very tough exterior and persona. I fight. I cuss. Alot. And I hate that when I put a dress on I can't stand to look at myself. I want to be more feminine. And vulnerable. And so many other things. I have grown to believe I may be a little narcissistic. I hate looking in the mirror. Because of what I visually see on the outside. Shallow right? I'm 34. Have gained enough weight to make me feel like living the rest of my life in sweatpants and t-shirts. It's not the ageing process. Just always not feeling like I'm enough. I don't personally know you, but I can say this with confidence. There is one you. You are unique. You are the only YOU there is. Hell you might have a person that looks just like you. But they don't possess your traits or qualities or even talents. Outside appearance is nice. But it's not what you see at face value that matters. At least not to me. Now I'm not the best example of anything, but I value life. And try to appreciate what I have. And right now in this moment, the conversation I'm engaged in with you is what matters. How you feel matters. And you are the only you !!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You have great self awareness. I admire that. I've also been at a lot of points in my life where I had zero self esteem. I was just existing in some alternate reality nightmare. As a man youre supposed to take the initiative and have self confidence and I didnt have any of those characteristics. Anxiety/depression took everything from me.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I try to work on it, it's just so much easier for me to help lift other people. When it comes to myself, haha it's not funny but it's true, I am my own worst abuser. I try to remember that I am unique in my own ways too, but living in a world where there are so many beautiful worthy women, I struggle to see what I have to offer. Thank you for this because we can definitely agree and acknowledge what depression and anxiety take from a person. It's horrible. But it doesn't last forever and that in itself, gets me through. I have to remind myself this too shall pass. It takes everything I have in me some days to not give up and just say screw it, I'm done. I haven't been there in a long time. Anxiety still gets the best of me. Not even going to try to lie about that. And in my opinion, again I'm no expert or the wisest person, but you've come a long way just since I've been talking to you, and from a woman to a man, that is admirable. You are changing what you can, and doing your best. There is no shame in that. I'm proud to see and witness your journey.

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to Hidden]

This has really touched me honestly . It makes me feel like I matter and had probably honestly made my day or even my week. I would love to keep talking to you in messaging!!!

[VDC1]

We all need a healthy self esteem and we all need relationships, companionship, because we’re all human. Don’t feel bad if you’re lacking both because a good portion of the people posting here have both issues. If you’re self esteem is poor and you’re experiencing some depression, I know you’re ruminating all the time, probably repeating negative things about yourself over and over in your head. Only you know what you’re saying to yourself. And many of those things you’re saying to yourself aren’t true. You’ve got to correct that. You might benefit from some cognitive behavioural therapy. You’d be surprised how effective it is. I’m not a therapist, but just giving advice. We all need connections but your self esteem shouldn’t be reliant on them. You’re welcome to message me whenever you like. Take care

[HeartoftheTriforce in reply to VDC1]

Ive actually been through exactly that. I'm trying exposure therapy next!