I don't know what it means .. plz help

[Divzi]

I'm 28 yr old married recently. People around me are good .I don't know why I don't feel like being around them . I love my husband but I don't think he understands me ,being in a crowd just makes me feel breathless and helpless. I feel like crying for no reason. Some times I want to end my life so that I can stop ppl. But I Love to spend time with them at the same time..I just don't know how?? I want to be happy like others I think I have everything ..but nothing all at the same time . I don't think I m made up for this world.

[km147]

I have the same issue. You might be suffering from social anxiety. Talk to someone you trust. I hate feeling this way and I thought I was weird for feeling this way but alot more people feel this way than you think.

[Divzi in reply to km147]

Thanks for your support.

[Divzi in reply to km147]

And the worst thing is being misunderstood every single day. . Tired of everything.. can't explain people why I behaved that way .. and they'll still never believe

[km147 in reply to Divzi]

oh yeah for sure. the reason why i don't have many friends or any real friends for that matter. people who are jerks don't feel the need to explain themselves, so neither do you.

[km147 in reply to km147]

And I am also mocked by people for being alone with no friends. they think they can stomp on me when I am already down. But I think it is only making me stronger.

[Divzi in reply to km147]

I'm tired of people talking behind me.. they either think that I'm too proud or I'm just acting innocent. I hate that word .. how can people pretend to have anxiety at all times?? And make their world a hell..

[Hidden in reply to km147]

I’ve had to deal with that most of my life.

[Hidden in reply to Divzi]

I’m with you. I stopped trying. Now I just talk to my psychiatrist & psychologist. They’ve helped me tremendously. Do you see a therapist?

[Divzi]

Ok.

[Divzi]

Thanks

[Hidden]

I have the same feeling and conflicting thoughts. Frustrating. Unfortunately I’ve pushed everyone out of my life, including my wife. I wish I could help, but your not the only one that feels this way. I’m always mocked for being quiet. And I’m sick of hearing, “it’s the quiet ones you have to worry about!” My advice, just be yourself and do your best to not let people affect you negatively.

[Divzi in reply to Hidden]

Yeah.. same here. Tired of hearing that.. "you don't speak". Or" working with you is like a punishment" from others. . No ,Im not seeing any therapist. People here don't see it as an illness .. it is just like ' why can't you be like them'. If it was simple as that I would not be suffering for years together

[Hidden in reply to Divzi]

Not sure where you live, but hopefully you can get some relief & help here. At work people are afraid of me because I’m quiet and don’t join in on their “fun.” One day I asked a coworker that I trust what people say about me when I’m not around, and he told me people think I’m a psycho. I’m just quiet, go to work, do my job, and go home. Not sure how that makes me so strange. There’s a saying, “people fear what they do not understand.” I just focus on that.

[Divzi in reply to Hidden]

Yeah.. I don't know what have I done to them that I deserve those words. I just mind my own business why is that so unusual to others. Every one has their own priorities.. why don't people accept that all are not same each one of us have their own personality . And we never harm them

[Hidden in reply to Divzi]

You, nor I, have done anything. I think people that spew negativity are suffering in one way or another too. Attacking others is what makes them feel better about themselves. Just know that there is nothing wrong with you for being quite or wanting to spend time alone. And by the way, You are meant to be in this world. It’s just difficult some times. Thanks for communicating with me and others about this. You’ve helped me feel better today! These past few days have been rough. Thank you! Have you ever seen those t-shirts that say, “Introverts Unite?” They have different sayings. Pretty funny. Look it up for a laugh. I bought one... but never wear it.?!?

[Divzi in reply to Hidden]

Yeah. Saw those shirts.. I don't have one. But those saying s about introverts are funny.. I read about it in Pinterest..

[Divzi in reply to Hidden]

Sorry about that.. hope you ll find a new way to deal with this..

[Divzi]

I don't want to hurt my family ..

[Hidden]

You are not alone. I'm in a room with people and I'm disconnected from everybody and everything. I love and hate my husband at the same time. I just cannot fit in this life. I stay away from people because their interests are so incredibly shallow and I rather go home and stay under the covers in my painful darkness and despair... I am beyond crying...I'm so cynical yet terrified of everything about this life. Why is my husband so contented with the small things in life? I hate him for being like one of all those people...he'll never understand me unless he is mentally ill with severe depression and anxiety....

[Lostjoy in reply to Hidden]

Gosh this sounds so much of how I feel. Same struggles with my husband, and feeling like I will never be able to work. Everyone seems happily going about their lives, and I'm home, curtains drawn, hiding under a cover.

No more dr.s for me. They cost too much, and don't seem to care much. Antidepressants haven't helped me. I'm not wiling to try anymore.

[TruthSi72 in reply to Hidden]

I understand how you feel. It's awful to feel detached from those you would like to have more of a connection with. I have felt this too. I still do at times, I look around me and wonder how people, even those I am close to, continue to function with all the mundanity and pointless talk about nothing.

I hate that most of the people around me seem to hang all of their happiness on how much money they have and earn and the objects they own. I love them but sometimes I don't want to be near them. Even the most intelligent friends and family I have, seem to me to be so easily pleased with new toys and money.

I have found, over time, that what I was lacking for myself was a personal philosophy, this might sound silly to you, but it has helped me come to terms with the way I think and the way in which I interact with the world and people around me.

I meditate as often as is possible to be in touch with my body (I am not a spiritual or religious person but find this useful).

I also read the works of the Stoics. These are a group of philosophers who believed that their duty in life was to create their life, to choose to be the person and live the life they believed made them better as a person. This is how I now choose to live my life.

I realise that everyone is just doing the best they can do, they don't always feel that different to me, they have their periods in life where they lose who they are, they experience depression and anxiety, in fact, some of them have suffered far greater pains than me. Many choose not to look inward at themselves and when they have been confronted with a problem in life, the loss of a job, a loved one or something similar, have been unable to cope.

So they are suffering just like me, like us, just in their own way.

A great saying by a guy called Marcus Aurelius is that only the things that are in our control are changeable, we cannot change others or the outside world directly, but we do have control over what, who and how we are and that is how we can change those things around us, we alter our own world by being the person we want to be.

It seems to me that you are having a battle right now, a battle between the part of you that wants to accept and be accepted and the other side of you that you've perhaps lost sight of. This side of you needs some nurturing. You need to do something for yourself, to find yourself, who you are, what you are and how you are. Perhaps then, you will be happier around others.

I don't know if this helped at all, but I know that thinking this way has helped me.

I'm sure you'll find the way.

Si.

[Hidden in reply to TruthSi72]

Wow, you seem to have it all together and that gives me hope that I too can work towards finding my place in the puzzle of life. Today, after I heard that my son is drug and smoke free in prison and that he is working out and taking care of himself better than been outside, I felt a heavy weight lifted and I started creating. As you know, the first things that go by the way side ,when depression hits us , are the things that give us pleasure, that make us happy. I woke up and although my don still hates me, the fact that he is out of harm's way is a blessing. I'm not a controlling mother, I never was, and I don't mind him taking his time to approach me, as long as he is in a place that keeps him alive. He is such a good kid but his synthetic drug use and his resisting arrest took him to jail and then prison work camp. My ex husband is an enabler and I regret choosing him as the father of my son. But, as you said, we cannot change the past. Thank you so much for thinking of me and taking the time to share. By the way, I am well read on the stoic the epicureans, and Greek philosophy, in general. He'll, I have escaped to this beautiful country while my son is incarcerated in order to find myself. I observe the life of peasants and I realize that they are all stoic. They have a problem? The whole village gets involved...that's therapy for you, and free of charge. I am not at the point of sharing with them about my feelings yet. Going back to USA around Xmas . Thank you again.

[Divzi in reply to TruthSi72]

Thank you.. for your suggestions and support. I think everyone here needs only one thing..'to be understood'. Im trying to regain my lost confidence by concentrating on my strengths so that I will to some extent be able to speak and then explain that people are not same .and just because they're not you doesn't mean that they are not good. Don't know how it's going to work.. but I will still try. Coz it is so hard to give up on people you Love. Hope that gives me strength.

[BadJoker]

I have the same issue I'm trying to figure out what it is myself. I did come to this fact tho. I found out that I love having my loved ones around me I just don't know how to communicate or most of the time act around them. But I hope it gets better

[Roseanne333]

You would be stunned at the amount of people who feel the same way. There’s nothing wrong with you. Sometimes it’s fun to hang out, sometimes we need our space. I require more space than most people, but that’s ok. Just be you and be thankful that you like yourself enough to hang but yourself and feel cool about it. I do...