I have no motivation or drive in life. I have no self-confidence, no self-esteem and no self-worth. I want to get a job! However, I have not been able to get one or keep one. Having trouble from my PMDD. I wish someone could help me ;,(
I suffer from depression and PMDD - Anxiety and Depre...
I suffer from depression and PMDD
58 Replies
•
Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. The obvious first question is have you sought help from a doctor and are you on any meds or getting any counselling? If not you need to do this first.
Not everyone has motivation or drive - I never did but I made out all right. We are all different. As for self esteem etc. this comes from pushing ourselves and over coming difficulties. For example I left school at 15 with no qualifications. It took me 8 years to go to evening class and I got 3 'O' levels. I was very proud of myself for my achievement. Ok it's not much but it's mine.
Never compare yourself with others or think that everyone else has it easy. Not saying you do but lots of people look on social media and think that everyone has drive and ambition and is a 'success'. Most of us muddle through somehow trying to enjoy life as much as we can on the way.
You will find your way too. x
• in reply tohypercat54
Yes, I’m on medication called Celexa. I do not know what is going on with my counselor, but I was seeing one. I never did have motivation. Never liked or loved myself. It mostly all came from life experiences. I’m happy for you that you are proud of yourself. I never was! It is not that I compare, but I do want a job like most people. Thank you for your post!
Sonny216• in reply to
I could have written this post. I share the same feelings. Only I'm not on Medication..wish I was. I'm suffering alone. I go down deeper each day..I no longer believe in life and living.
Not that I choose to..this engulfed me. Wish I was normal. I'm a basket case..I'm scared.
No friends no family that truly loves me - they want to throw me out.
Sorry..I've hijacked your thread
• in reply toSonny216
You did not hijack my post. This support group is to help everyone and we relate together. I’m sorry you feel that way and I do too. However, my mother and father love me. My brother does in his own way, but since I’m not working he cannot relate to me so he wants nothing to do with me till I have a job. We never had a relationship, which is sad. You do not want to be on medication and rely on them. Trust me. If I could get off of mine I would. You are not suffering alone. Where all here for you! I wish I was normal too trust me. I’m scared to honestly and it sucks. I’m sorry you are scared. May I ask why you are scared?!? Why no friends?!? I have no friends either.
Sonny216• in reply to
I'm too old now
I've ruined my life
I'm not well/ something wrong with me..I'm different - can't keep friends they don't like me - family too
I can't keep a job. I had a good paying job in Florida - got sick and had to enter hospital because the clinic couldn't catherize me..they injured me, I went to ER, they made it worse..that evening I was being operated on.
That morning I left for work feeling fine..little did I know where I would be in 12 hrs.
2 surgeries in 3 days..I had no family or friends..
My supervisor offered to go to my ' home's to let my dog out. Guess he saw the horrible home my slumlord was renting me..
When I came out of the hospital, I noticed at work people's attitude towards me changed..I FELT something was wrong..I intuitively knew something was not right.
I was a supervisor, recently promoted and given more $..
But from the day I returned, I was in an unsure environment.
4 months later they fired me, just when I found a better place to live the very day before.
I had to return up north with aging parents who are convinced I'm a lowlife. I'm battling depression and anxiety and have Asperger's. I've lost all hope. I feel my life is over. I have no one but my dog, and I gear I can't take care of him much longer. I love him to death. I've had him 11 years...we been through it all together..but I'm out of hope..I've lost my fight.
• in reply toSonny216
Wow I’m sorry hun. You are not too old. Just do the right thing! Be with aging parents even if you think or know they think your a low life. Makes you a better person with a heart. What did you get sick with may I ask?!? I’m sorry of what happened! How did they injure you?!? I know I cannot keep a job either and I need to find one. If you live terribly that is not a reason for your job to fire you. You can fight that for workers comp. who cares of how people are looking at you. People always talk! I’m glad your dog is there for you. My dog is there for me too!
Sonny216• in reply to
I was at work one day, and 2 people were sick.i implored them not to get close to me (I entertained by singing a couple of times at night for extra $)
I didn't want to get sick. They thought of it as a joke.
Needless to say, got home that night and felt I was GETTING sick. Took some NyQiil.
Next day at work..during afternoon, I felt feverish. Couldn't urinate well either - went straight to an Urgent Care. While there, I needed to give them a urine sample..could barely go..
Fast forward; got home and NOW I was busting..my bladder..had to go..AND I COULD NOT GO.
Back to Urgent Care - told them I can't go. They made mention that antihistamine in the NyQuil can enlarge the prostate (didn't have any prostate problems)
So they told me they had to catherize me..but he couldn't..he Forced it..and I began bleeding. Straight to ER (which they made me wait an hour) then they attempted to catherize me and wrecked me worse..Surgeon steps in and announces..we have to get him to surgery immediately...
One surgery to relieve my bladder, the other to repair what they tore up. I spent a month home on disability...with a catheter.
They falsely set me up at work...they made trouble, and hoped I step in their trap by my reaction..I did. I was provoked. They used That to fire me.
Funny, but when Unemployment called me wanting to hear MY story (cause the job refused to grant me Unemployment)
After telling the Unemployment office that the manager was over budget for the year. He spent way too much and his job was on the line..he got me to create a new dept and train someone to do what I was doing.....then to save on my salary...and once that other guy was up to Speed...they figured they save some $ on my salary and just dump me...but they needed an excuse and falsely accused me of a reaction.
Unemployment BELIEVED my story and awarded me compensation.
That was this past Aug
• in reply toSonny216
Wow I’m so sorry hun. You should have sued!
Sonny216• in reply to
I had a lawyer, very good one with experience along those lines. I didn't have a case...at least, a case that could be won.
Oh I could still try, but it would cost ME $10k to bring it to trial..with no guarantee of winning.
(No chance, I don't have that)
Now if my attys believed we had a case and could win, they would put up the money that needs to be spent, and then they would be paid after winning.
• in reply toSonny216
Well I would fight it with every last piece of my soul till I won! That is just me. You went through a lot and I’m so sorry. That is why it is important for you to fight this, because you should not just let it go. Just my opinion!
Wait a minute- your co workers judged you because of where you lived, and your parents whom you went to take care of call you a low life? Quite frankly, I guess I would take care of them if they let you live there with your dog! I hope you can keep your dog; they are the best. I agree, no reason for work to fire you because of where you live. You are there to work not be the subject of gossip. I hope you seek legal counsel about that.
Parents didn't call me lowlife, they make me feel that way. They want me out regardless if I'm down on my luck. They are unawares of my depression, anxiety and Asperger's.
They (with the help of other family members) think I'm the loafer/loser.
Heartbreaking.
Neither drives, and I go out to the store for them each day, do whatever they ask of me..
Yet I feel so alone.
It's this depression that's wicked...it changes your thinking..you actually exist in a gloomy world that feels very very real...I can't move on in this mindset..
I've applied for jobs in this neighborhood, but nothing.
Mother says, you can't stay here anyway..why look for work here? You need to go back to Florida (where I know No One)
No place to live in Florida, no job waiting for me..they expect me to live in a car with a dog and look for work..in Florida? And if I DO find something, what do I do with my dog?
The aging parents are not thinking in realistic terms.
I'm tired - can't write no more for now
• in reply toSonny216
Wow, well you can get an apartment that accepts pets. Thank you for sharing.
gogogirl• in reply to
Your brother wants nothing to do with you until you get a job??? How old is this person, and sorry does not sound like much of a brother to me. Who is he to judge you?
• in reply togogogirl
Yup, he is 37 years old. It is what it is!
gogogirl• in reply to
Even if he is helping you- that's what family does. If you have medical problems- then what is HIS problem? Hope you have better friends who can be real family to you. He sounds like a sad person.
• in reply togogogirl
He does not believe in all that. He says it is all an excuse and that there are people worse then me who are working. It can go on and on and on. So .... I have no friends.
gogogirl• in reply to
You have no friends because of him? Also, unless he is supporting you why does he have a say? Even if he is supporting you. Is he a doctor- something tells me he is not or he would not be disrepectful like that. Remember, he is probably projecting his own issues on to you- and that is sad. I would bet that if the tables were turned , you would not be judgemental against him.
• in reply togogogirl
No I have no friends, because I’m a loser and a bum and a new generation of loser. Only because I live with my mom and he wants my mom to retire and says she cannot because she is taking care of me. I feel terrible. I want her to retire! Idk
Sonny216• in reply to
Sounds like my siblings
• in reply toSonny216
I swear mine is one of a kind.
gogogirl• in reply to
No, I've seen a real winner. Sister in law ( who retired and is extremely abusive) dropped her best friend because she has medical problems. She is so wacked- happy to not have contact with this person anymore. Anger got the best of her we heard when she turned on strangers- wrong move!
gogogirl• in reply to
Sorry- but it sounds like you are a nice person. You are family. I have seen similar situations and usually it is about power. Also, how about this? If your brother is so successful- he can help out. Sorry you are going through this. I imagine that having asbergers is rough enough.
Did I reply to the right site? I hope so. I have eye problems, especially with smaller print. I hope I did not mix up the person with asbergers with someone else.
• in reply togogogirl
It is ok hun it happens.
hypercat54• in reply to
Well I wouldn't say I am proud of myself but we all face adversity in life and overcoming it does give you self esteem etc. I bet you have some too but it doesn't feel like it. For example praise yourself for coming on this site and reaching out for help. That's not easy is it?
I would try and get some more counselling if I was you as this is the way to go. This will help you see yourself in a more realistic light and that you are ok. x
• in reply tohypercat54
While that may be true I need more then that. Thank you and I agree I need more counseling.
hypercat54• in reply to
Well this is only an online site and there is only so much we can say and do on here. I tried.
• in reply tohypercat54
You can say anything on here. Thank you for helping!
gogogirl• in reply to
Have you been able to work before? I hope you are able to get the right treatments and feel better. As we all know, support is most important especially when someone is not feeling his/her best.
• in reply togogogirl
Yes, I have worked before. Yes, I need support that is why I’m here.
What happens with that( or is that too personal? Incidentally, my husband has a sister ( 60s) who hates anyone who has a medical problem. She also hates anyone who does not make the money she did. She is a very hateful unhappy person. She did not even care when her own mother ( a very nice person) died . I will bet that your brother might be unhappy or jealous in some way also? What does he do that is so great?
• in reply togogogirl
What do you want to know?!? Sorry to hear all that. He is quite successful in a variety of things so
gogogirl• in reply to
Sorry- did not mean to push. Also, sometimes we have a one way street for defining "success."
Also, in my mind anyway our family should ( but often does not and that is sad be cheering for us- and helping not pointing fingers. When people point a finger- then at least three can come back to them( old saying). If he wants you to work so badly- here's one- he can get a job for you.
• in reply togogogirl
Ha. Well he works very hard. So he’s definitely better than me!
gogogirl• in reply to
He is not better. Is that depression talking or is that him? He works hard at what? Could he get you a job for pete's sake?
I knew someone like that hates anyone who has a medical problem. ( No contact anymore).
• in reply togogogirl
He is better! That might be my depression talking. I do not want to share his business on here of what he does. He does not hate me... just does not believe in it.
gogogirl• in reply to
Hey, here's one: I wonder how HE would be if the tables were turned? I mean he was the one who had medical issues? Something tells me you would not be cruel to him
• in reply togogogirl
You are fine hun. I guess. I think everyone has a different meaning to success. Idk
gogogirl• in reply to
Yes, there are different meanings to success. We know someone who retired and did well, but guess what? He built a house for his sister ( who has medical issues) right on his property so they all could be together. Now, THAT's family.
Hi, regarding the PMDD I have it as well. It is completely under control because I take continuous birth control (no placebos, no period, no PMDD). I take generic Yaz
• in reply tostargazer056
I heard some bad reviews of Yaz, but I’m glad it is working for you and that you have it under control. For me it effects me all the time. I would prefer to get a full hysterectomy then go on birth controls since birth control got me in this position to begin with. Thank you for writing to my post. Good luck to you and write me anytime you need to talk!
I know exactly how you feel..Im going through it now..If you read my posts im the same..Im 42 and everything is fucked..wish I had answers for you..only thing I can advise is don't lose hope..Im waiting for things to get better..Im at a stage where I'm like a zombie..its awful I know, but we will get back on the right path again..we will, we have to..don't lose hope my friend..
• in reply to
Aw thank you so much for the advice and positive views! I will pray for you. I just hope it all happens before I die. Otherwise, heaven is where I’ll experience it all ;,(
I hope you can get more help for your PMDD.
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