better life= worse?

[yellowbee4]

-hi, I'm new here-

So last year I survived my attempt after 4 years of depression and finally, 5 months ago, I got out of that depression.

My life became great; I feel I found the one, I plan to move in with them later this year, and I cut toxic people out of my life (including my father). My life finally seems to be getting better and better.

But all these good things are bringing more stress and loneliness {and maybe its because I care now}. I'm slipping in and out of sadness over lack of people in my life, stress over money/job/career, and keep getting the urge to hurt myself again [which I haven't]. I'm just so scared of falling back into numbness and dissociating.

What can I even do? I feel so stupid to even say this cause my life is so much better then what it used to be and I want to feel grateful, yet all I feel is pathetic.

[Anonymous798]

Hi, I’m so sorry that your not feeling very well even after some good things happened. I understand. I survived 4 attempts and started getting better after going to mental health professionals. Even though I feel like I’m better. Something still feels off or wrong. Just remember that none of this is your fault. You didn’t choose to have mental illness and you can’t control when it comes on or off. I’m extremely proud of you. I know how hard it is pushing through these difficult situations. You are a true fighter. I’m not a professional but I have heard from others that the absences of their mental illness felt abnormal for the first few months because they were so used to it. It caused them stress and anxiety. Even if this isn’t the case your feelings are completely valid. If your still feeling an urge to hurt yourself it might be beneficial to try talking to a mental health professional if you haven’t already. Loneliness is hard. Some of the things I did to try and less lonely is to join some clubs that I enjoy and interact with people there who may have similar interests. Im here if you need me. I hope everything gets better for you. Have a great day.

[jetsrt06]

Hello, I am sorry you are having a hard time. If you don't mind me asking, are you on medication for your condition? Also, maybe you should continue to talk to someone on a regular basis. I understand about not having those people in your life. I have many family members not in my life because of different reasons. Although, I know it is for the best with some of them, it is still hard because that means I can't see their kids. And my son can't either. Look into Moodfit and Talkspace apps.