In a slump

[ScarlettOwl]

Hello Everyone, this is my first post and I would like to share a little about my story. I was adopted when I was 19 days old. I grew up with a narcissistic parent who emotionally abused me up until I was 18. She made me feel so bad about myself and my dreams. All I ever wanted was to be good enough for her. I was severely depressed and most likely was dealing with anxiety issues that were never identified. My feelings were never validated. I luckily was adopted to two woman and I have another mom who supports and loves me unconditionally. I learned this after I came home from my first and only year of college. I have always been desperately trying to find someone who would fix me instead of working on myself. I have been in therapy since I was 10. My first real relationship was with someone who was emotionally abusive as well. This is when I finally put a label to my anxiety. We were together for 4 years until I broke up with him. I am now with the most incredible guy who loves me unconditionally. I have hurt him badly with my actions and using my anxiety as an excuse for my learned behaviors. I want to make things work with him and he does with me. He wants me to be home so he can learn to trust me again but I have to prove to him that I want to be with him. He won't talk to me about anything and expects me to sit in silence and be ok with it. He wants me to validate his feelings which admittedly is hard for me to do when I can't even get a handle on mine. I have moved back in with my mom for now to give us a break and to work on me. I need to be kind to myself. I want to take action and not just talk about it. I just feel very overwhelmed right now and I do not know where to start.

[Danzdanz123]

hello sounds like a very interesting life although it’s troubled you a lot! It’s nice to hear you finally have got a great mum who is there for you when you need her and I think nows the time! Instead of feeling bad look at the positives although you have this horrible anxiety you have taken a mature approach to the situation, you have walked away from it so you can work on yourself and become strong enough to make the relationship better. What I would like to say also is that just because you have made a mistake and he has decided to stay in the relationship with you doesn’t mean he can always burden you with what you did thats quite manipulative, however it seems like he cares for you a lot hopefully this break does you both some good!

[Hidden]

Hi 👋🏻

Seems like you’ve had a pretty tough time! The things we go through make us so much stronger and we can endure so much more than we think we can. Keep us updated ❤️

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I have had similar experiences to some of yours. People pleasing is tough. Then trying to turn around and do self-care is foreign. Perhaps a mediator, a partner therapist could help. I don't know if validation of feelings is a first step. Acknowledging them and acceptig them has to come first. The abuse you dealt with injured your psyche. Don't push anone to hard, including yourself. It took strength to walk away after 4 years. You have that in you. Think small steps. Set a goal. Let your inner Wonder Woman shine.

[ScarlettOwl]

Thank you everyone. I am thankful for the mom I do have. I am also thankful for the man I do have and I want to be able to show him that. I don't want to be codependent on him. That is what I have been doing. I want to be strong on my own. I am hoping my therapy session today will help me put things into perspective.