Desolate

[brokenankle75]

My ex who I still Love but don’t want to be in a relationship with has federal court today. He’s facing firearms charges and he was a prior felon so that’s really bad plus he had stuff when he used to grow pot. We were in a relationship for 10 years he did horrible horrible things to me but I forgive him I never reported him to the police he’s put me in the hospital. I had to have surgery I can go on and on but I’m not going to. We both did things to each other so it’s not all him.We got into it one time and a friend was trying to set me up with this guy and I was bragging this guy up that he has a camper, Harley and all the stuff well he sent me a picture of this girl on his bike and said she’s younger, skinnier, prettier and I absolutely lost it and I felt like he was cheating on me the whole time beating me the whole time and that I was right and he still beat me and so I am the one who called the cops on him and that’s why he’s going to go to prison. We’ve been spending the time together he has left. I’ve been literally so sick. My heart is broken. The very few people that I have told said he deserves it for all the things that he did to me but it’s not tit for tat. I can’t imagine him spending 15 years in prison. And yeah he would’ve went to prison for the things that he did to me but I should’ve reported that not what I did. I have many mental disorders and borderline personality disorder is one of them. Thinking things that are going on but it’s all in my mind not reality. I seriously don’t know how I will make it through this mentally. I can’t even go to a hospital if I need to Because I have a dog and I have no support system at all. One friend who is an hour away he comes to see me once a week but that’s it so I’m lost. So alone

[Sprinkle1]

What is the matter with your thinking? He is a looser, and if you keep supporting him and loving him, so are you. Time for you to grow up, find a therapist to help you sort out your stinking thinking. Do not live in the past, live day to day, learn to live in the moment, do good things for yourself. Learn to love yourself, accept yourself, you are a special person with your own gifts and talents. Get into exercise, reading up lifting books, do pleasant things thing to keep your mind and hands busy, do jigsaws, cross words, coloring books, anything that pleases you. Your life will improve, with help All things end, I have been thru 3 marriages, suffered and was in pain, with help I passed them, I live by myself with my two beautiful cats, we are a happy trio. Thru therapy I learnt not to worry, to live in the moment, and be who I am not what others want me to be. Hope this is of help for you, write to us, we offer support and love. I send your courage, strength, love and big hugs, with peace.......

[brokenankle75 in reply to Sprinkle1]

What is the matter with my thinking. Well I started getting sexually abused at the age of 5 by my brothers friend. From 7-11 my dads best friend molested me.my daughter is a child of rape. My parents we’re alcoholics. My mom treated me like shit. She lit me on fire n wouldn’t even take me to hospital. She called my dad who was 25 min awAy while my brothers n I were at the man she was cheating on my dad with. She wouldn’t even come to hospital. My 1st psych ward I was 11. Whole life of this shit. I don’t need you telling me I’m a loser . It’s a complex situation and I don’t need u putting me down. I’m 45 years old IM GROWN UP THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!i exercise almost every day. I have NEVER been married and asked many times by different men but it wasn’t right. I want to get married 1x. I go to therapy. My counselor emails me I’ve had 3 appointments the past 3 days cuz what I’m going through.i have 5 different mental conditions take my meds and I do do things. I live by myself with my baby bella(my dog)

[texasbonnet in reply to brokenankle75]

You have learned an important lesson. The one where you decide that you have been wounded and to take action and defend the "little child" left in all of us who carries hurt, sadness and physical pain. Sure we aren't a children anymore but the feelings are of the injured child. The feelings took root when as a child you were not able to defend yourself. So as an adult with an injured heart and soul, we slowly learn to defend that little kid and also learn to ourselves. Do something good for yourself today.

[brokenankle75 in reply to texasbonnet]

Thank you 🙏🏻 you as well

[Sprinkle1 in reply to brokenankle75]

I am sorry if you took offense to my email, I meant No harm, It is our thinking that gets us in trouble, believe me, I spent years in therapy, and still go now for the depression/anxiety I suffer with, I am So sorry your sexual abuse started at age 5, you were helpless, same with the next set of abuse. Mine only started at 14, being attacked by school boys, molested by dates, then at age 29 raped at gun point. Thru therapy and support I was able to put that behind me. I even joined a Rape Center Support Group, and was able to help other victims. I am sorry your parents were Not parents, I had an awful farther, he did me some physical harm and lots of mental harm, which I was able to work thru thanks to therapy. I have a book I love to recommend that helped me a lot,, by Dr. Scott Peck, "The Road Less Traveled", amazon has it used/new, it is a worth while investment.....You say you are grown up, yes physically, but it takes a long time to grow up mentally, especially for people who have had So much abuse. I started therapy at 40, read lots of good self help books, got into Hatha Yoga, went on retreats, in a Spiritual Group I joined I learnt to live in the moment, oh that was and is wonderful. I am 78 now, live with my 2 beautiful cats, my friend died last Aug, I have a friend in Calif who is dying, my brother is 3000 miles away in UK. I am it, I have to do everything, my lady that cleaned my floors was in an accident, got hit going home from work, totaled her car, left her with bumps and bruises, also whiplash, so I have no one to clean my home now!!! Scott Peck say in his book, 1st line "Life is Difficult" I said why did not someone tell me that when I was 16? He goes on to say Buddha said "Life is suffering, but once we transcend that life becomes peace"......So I said Let Me Transcend", it took me another 20 years to achieve that, let me tell you it is wonderful, I do not worry, I live in the moment and am happy. It took a lot of work and pain, but it was worth all my effort. I hope this is of help and gives you some clarity, it I can be of further help please write me, I send you Love, peace of mind and Big Hugs........

[Doglover309]

You are an amazing person! It takes a lot to be able to forgive someone and you did that to someone who hurt you a lot. Being there for him can be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it and how it’s consistently you feel. You aren’t a bad person for turning him in. Sooner or later he could have really hurt someone or you. It’s ok to love someone and not want to be in a relationship with. You’re a strong person and I’m sure you’ll get through this.