Suicide I never mention, they'll just think I want attention, but I really wish they'd listen...

I keep these thoughts inside, when I think of suicide, I just hold on for the ride until I reach the other side.

One day I hope this ends, I don't even have friends. It's been so long I can't remember, I wake up, I cry and whimper, I get so frustrated that I even lose my temper.

Lately it's been getting deep, I toss and turn but get no sleep.

I wonder why this had to happen, I write it down and then start rappin.

I pop a pill so I don't have to feel, but this pain is really real, if you suffer from mental illness, just know that I know the deal.

[Hidden]

I’m aloner and enjoy just my time to do things - previuously has neglect, abuse and other family issues -I have learnt to rely on myself and doing online courses as I didn’t get a chance to do degree

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm a loner also. Not because I want to be, but because this anxiety keeps me from going around people.

[HarryBags]

I read your post, i think you write rearly well. The words you use and tone. People who suffer like this often have more resiliance than you can imagine. Having to live through pain, self loathing, isolation, addiction.....and the list goes on. Ive suffered from acute anxiety and very severe depression which was very bad when i was 20 years of age. Ive managed to find a way of coping but i couldnt have done it without some meds. If i stop taking them i have a mental breakdown within about 2/3 months. I also then have more personal issues than i would like to admit about the past and being unable take part in life. Its not easy, i also rap ( its cool you do too)

Dont give up dude, keep on with this hussle of life. I could go on for ages as im in my 40's now.....

ive realised over the years that mental illness can strip away your confidence (thats a big one for me) and doesnt allow me to build on positivity.......

We gotta hang in there.

Your posts are very inspirational.

[Amayla]

Understand totally! Do you have any support or anyone to vent to? What helps me is getting out of bed as soon as I open my eyes and then putting on music that I like. The next thing I do is 5 to 10 minute body wake up. Do you have a purpose in life? Find something that you enjoy and to distract you being busy is good. Believe me I understand how you feel but you are letting your thoughts control you try letting you control your thoughts!

[Sprinkle1]

I think I understand your affliction, been suicidal a lot in my life, even tried it twice, got caught both times!!! Could you find a therapist who helps people with depression/anxiety? I have a wonderful one. I also take med's been on them most of my life, helps keep me sane, right now I am on 50 mg of cymbalta, it keeps the depression and anxiety away. At bed time I take trazadone 100 mg, I sleep very well. There is a No. you can call 24/7 for help with suicide it is "988". You can look in the front of your telephone book, it should have a listing for suicide help 24/7.......I am by myself have been for over 20 years since my divorce, and I love it, I can do what I want, come and go as I please. I do volunteer work, which is most fulfilling, I am growing a veg, herb and flower garden on my deck, I exercise, listen to nice music, have two beautiful cats who are good company. Read some good books, find some that are uplifting, in one of my depression I read biography's, took me into a different world. You are not alone, there are millions in the US that have this illness, thankfully they are advancing and help is more available. We are here for you, write to us, we offer support and love with hugs......