Why does everyone want me to stay alive

[Thelonewolf22]

I have nothing to live for so why stay alive

[purplepower82]

what's going on that is making you feel this way?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

I have become a monster because of all of the hurt I endured. I committed some terrible actions I feel awful about

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

may I ask what you did? You don't have to tell me if it will upset you

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

I pushed my ex with her kid in her arms and then she slapped me with all her night. I deserved it and then I broke a dining room table cuz I was so angry

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Have you looked into anger management and mood stabilizers? If you want a life with a family, you need to take control and work hard to fix your anger issues. Stay away from your ex, and get the help you need.It will take time, but don't put yourself in another situation that can trigger your anger.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

No stupid little medicine or strategy will work on me my emotions are too strong

[purplepower82]

How would you react if you were an outsider and saw a man do what you did?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

Look man you have a point. I just really didn’t appreciate it when you said imma be alone forever. I’m stuck. I’ve been bullied all my life and I have so much anger pent up and I don’t know what to do with it because I can’t do anything right.

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

I am a 55yr old woman with Borderline Personality Disorder and Leukemia. I have been alone for 10 years! And what I just told you about myself doesn't scream "I would be an awesome date! ha ha. I know about loneliness. It's hard and I did attempt to end things a few years ago.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

I’m 21 and I know I’m young but I’ve been through so much that I can’t take it anymore

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

You are too young to want to give up. But sometimes you have to fight for what you want and go out of your comfort zone and actually try seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. You don't want to be that guy you told me about. I feel you are better than that. I have been through it all, so PLEASE listen to me and make an appointment with someone, then after your appointment, let me know how it went. I really do care.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

Do you believe I am the guy I told you about? Do you define me by my mistake that was so awful I’m contemplating live because of it

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

no I do not. I believe you are a really good person with a good heart. I know you didn't mean to do what you did, but with actions come consequences. I don't want you in jail or worse, so you MUST get help for that anger. Please trust me.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

How do I get better

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

you won't like this, but first....get an appointment with a psychiatrist. They can also refer you to a therapist. Be HONEST about everything you tell them and don't hold back any information. It takes time to find the right combo of meds.

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

are you ok?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

No I’m not but I will try to reach out to my current psychiatrist. I had an appointment today but skipped it cuz I can’t get out of bed right now

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

I hope you feel better and I am VERY PROUD of you reaching out to your Psychiatrist! I care about you and want you around

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to purplepower82]

I know what I did and I apologize for coming off so defensively I just feel so bad but I feel like I’m going to be like this forever

[Christine05 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

You will get better you have a purpose in life I know it’s hard to live every day feeling like nothing matters but you do matter remember that

[Agora1 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Dearest lonewolf, you've taken a first step forward with your apology to

purplepower. I respect you for that. For a moment you were transferring

all your pent up anger on someone who was trying to help you. But she never

walked away from you. There are people who truly care about others. I'm glad

you saw that in the end.

You're on an amazing site for support and understanding. We are never judgmental.

This can be your safe place to come to when feeling overwhelmed or hopeless.

Take what we may tell you with a grain of salt. Not everything might be what you

want to hear but it's done out of love and caring for another human being.

We're in this together. xx

[Hidden]

Hi there,

I wanted to read more on where you're at before responding, so I took a look at your other posts. It sounds like you've had a hard life so far and have a lot of anger as a result, which I'm sorry you're dealing with/have dealt with.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think, for some people, if they have known nothing but being bullied and going through what you've been through, they get angry with the world. They look for and/or pick fights with absolutely everyone they come across because that is all they know.

I see that you're going to reach out to your psychiatrist. That is really great of you!!

You are not a monster. You know how I know? Because monsters don't have a conscience. You do. You know that what you're doing with your anger is wrong. You also apologized to purplepower. Those two alone is evidence that you are not a monster.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Why me though? Why do I always have to be the one that gets picked on and bullied. I just want to be a good person but clearly I’m not because everyone at one point betrays me. I may be reaching out to my psychiatrist but I will continue to get treated like shit and I know stuff will keep getting worse even if I do seek help

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Yep, I hear you. Why are we singled out to be picked on? I wish I knew. Knowing that would've caused me a lot less heartache throughout school and recently.

One thing you say is that you expect all the bad stuff to continue and for things to actually get worse. How do you know this? Are you basing it on the fact that it's happened in the past? Negative thinking is a huge impediment towards getting better. I understand that it's easier said than done to change your thinking, but you can always try. That's the beauty of it: we all have a choice in what we chose to think about our world.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

But if we are not in control of what happens then why waste my time thinking positively if something negatively will more likely happen

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

What kind of uncontrol are we talking about here? Do you mean not being in control of what happens in our lives or not being in control of how we react to what happens?

(Just confirming that we're talking about the same thing here.🙂)

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

In life we are only in control of ourselves. We can’t control anything around us and there is nothing and I mean nothing that good happens to me. If there is it is taken away in the matter of weeks. I’m a fuck up, I’ve been trying to live in my dreams by using my medication but I still wake up the same miserable person, the world is a terrible place and I can’t not have that mindset unless things change around me

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Yes, that is what I thought we were talking about but needed to confirm.

Ok, so back to your question of why you should waste time thinking positively if something negative is more likely to happen. That is actually a really good question. I hope others can chime in here with ideas, but I'll give mine first: like me, you seem to have this "worst scenario" thinking. Like me, your mind automatically goes to that dark place instead of looking at all the options. The reality is we don't know what will happen. Everything that happens to us has a 50% of going either way (good or bad). Like me, it sounds as if you are automatically programmed to look at the 50% bad part. I'm in no way saying that this is our fault. We just have to try harder than others to think of the positives.

You know what I learned to do the second I get into that "omg, there is 0% chance of this turning out well!" funk? I've been taught to write down both sides (the negatives as well as the positives) so that I can "show" my mind, "hey, there ARE positives to this scenario. Who knew?"

I hope this helps (and I hope others can weigh in on your great question).🙂

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

What if you messed up so bad you can’t recover. Anything good that happens to me is taken away instantly and I’m left alone in a dark abyss contemplating my existence. My dreams are my happy place and every second being alive hurts and the world would be way better without me

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Oh dear...

Promise me you won't hurt yourself, okay? We all care about you.

I'll be back later, okay?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Why do you care about the bad guy and a person you don’t even know

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Just because...😃

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

If I told you I made a mistake of pushing my ex with her kid in her arms to get out of my place . How would that make you feel about me? Pretty damn evil right? How am I supposed to live with something like that

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

It would make me feel very nervous and make me want to hastely judge you as an evil person to be honest. BUT...I believe in the power of redemption. Did you do something very wrong? Yes , definitely. Does this define you as an evil person and a monster who doesn't deserve to live? No, definitely not.

You are expressing regret for what you did. This is a big sign that you are a good guy deep down. You just need professional help to bring it out.

Your question is a great one for your therapist, psychiatrist, etc.

I feel like I'm on the verge of offering advice that only a professional should give, which wouldn't be fair to you and would be wrong of me to do.

I'm not sure how to respond anymore at this time.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

You’re better than a professionals because professionals don’t know what they are doing. They go by a book and treat us like we’re science experiments. I refuse to go back to someone who only cares about money and locking me up. I want help from the friends I do have and myself not some random person just trying to make a quick buck

[purplepower82 in reply to Thelonewolf22]

HI, I just wanted to check on you. I really wish there was an easy answer. I feel you're in pain and I want to help you so badly. Don't question why all of on here want to help you, accept that we actually care. Many of us, including myself, have been where you are. I used to get picked on, actually I still do even at my age. I struggle with it, but try to think of who the person is that is doing it and realize they are not worth getting upset about. It's hard being in the mindset that you are in, especially the way the world is right now. I wish I was close enough to give you a hug, but I'm not. Just stop questioning why I and the others on here care about you and please take our advice, even if you don't like it. Will you try to do that for me please? P.S. no tough love from me today!

[JPMcG]

Dude, I feel you. Not a single day goes by that I do not contemplate methods. Its been really difficult lately, with the virus lock downs and my friends have done it and I envy them. I really do. Every time some one I know does it, I realize I get one step closer too.

I constantly live in the past of coulda shoulda woulda. I have worked so hard for everything I have and it is painful when people take advantage of the system in front of your face and have to work for nothing. I literally have no one to talk to about it. I also feel the same as you do every day a lot! My pain and suffereing extends almost directly from a point when i was attacked and the jailed and blamed for a switch and bait. Since 2011, I have never been the same. It has taken me this long just to identify how my personality and mood disorder have shifted since then and I constantly wish I was the man who I was before. But oh well, right? I have accepted that no body understands me and I will die a sad, lonely curmedgeon.

[gleason9guy]

We need people on our team for the Zombie Apocolypse.