Am i a bad person?

[Lindsey14]

My mind keeps trying to tell me i don't care and in heartless and selfish. Im starting to get scared it's true. I just feel emotionally disconnected even from love.

[Laurennnnnnn]

If you were truly heartless and selfish, you wouldn’t be worried at all about being heartless and selfish. This post alone shows that you care 💙

[Vegcat]

I have felt this way a lot. It’s taken many different forms. Am I going to hell? Am I a fraud? Do I care too much? Do I care too little? After struggling with these thoughts for a long time, I now recognize them as OCD. Even after seeking help, I was afraid of my therapist and psychiatrist finding out the truth about me, like I still had something to hide.

Trying to figure out if you’re a good or bad person can feel like a never ending cycle, a battle that you can’t win. That’s why, instead of telling you that you’re good, I encourage you to try to step back outside the rigid good/bad binary that causes so much distress. You’re a complex and nuanced person doing the best you can with what you have. You’re an amazing person having made it this far with a debilitating mental illness. I hope you’ll see that in yourself and seek the care you need without shame. You deserve peace.

[Lindsey14 in reply to Vegcat]

Thank you❤ I as well think it's ocd

[Hidden]

Lindsey,

You are not a bad person you're free emotionally disconnected because of depression Sweety. It sounds like you keep ruminating over this as in OCD however I do think it's depression also which numbs our feelings. Are you with a Therapist or on medicine to help. Once you feel better you'll start to feel again. Also this lockdown has made all of us feel worse esp those who suffer already. If you were a bad person you wouldn't be asking "am I a bad person". You need help for your OCD and depression.

Always here for you 😊

[Lindsey14 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so so so much❤

[Lindsey14 in reply to Hidden]

I want therapy but I dont know if i can't afford it

[Lindsey14 in reply to Hidden]

I hate feeling like this, because im scared when i say I love you to someone, i guess the ocd or depression tries to tell me i dont mean it

[enigmaticide]

I've always believed that there are two types of people that ask that question: those concerned that they are and those concerned that they aren't. For a fun activity, you may consider doing a pros and cons list for both sides; this may reveal insights to yourself that you didn't have prior. Ultimately, you may conclude that many of us adopt one role or the next, situationally; in this regard, it says less about us, and more about the days we claw through.