Obsessive thinking (trigger)

[Kevin160]

Sorry in advance this might be a trigger, involving self harm and suicide ideatation

5 months ago, i saw a post about Someone who had dangerous ocd compulsions like leaning over balconies, while living on high story floors

As someone with a very fragile mentality at the time, having just relapsed and was in a very dark place, just scrolling through the forum, i started to over obsess about a new topic i never knew, that ocd werent just checking, rituals, counting, they were at times more severe, i always had ocd tendancies And this was going to haunt me for months until,now

Ofcourse i would never blame a person for venting this forum is for us to heal, and vent , and let everything out and express everything , anyway ,after many months i found out this actually exists, ( S-OCD) i dont Recognize myself at times because i used to be carefree, fun person , and these past couple years my mental health took a big hit , for the past few months i struggled with heights, living in a high story floor as well, it was hell, and i dont have access to therapy right now.

I just dont know how to stop myself from obsessing about this, why am i worrying about doing something, why cant i simply say no , i dont have urges, just constant obsessive intrusive thoughts ,if u told me to smack my head to a wall i wouldnt do it , right.. ? ... its been horrible trying to act like everything is fine when my brain is being fried with what ifs, like what if i have urges, i dont even have urges, i dont even feel suicidal, i love life so so much , and im so young this also stems from the fear of not being able to do what i want in life , thats the worst part , i feel trapped , because Eventhough i know i have control and free will, i still have that tiny tiny bit of doubt i tell myself what if , what if i get really depressed and do it , what if i develop urges like that post and who knows, i just need something to do that will help , being alone all day isnt much help as this situation fell at the worst possible time, in quaratine where i am alone at home locked up 24/7 , hearing about deaths around the world, and self harm isnt also helpful, and it just floods me with panic when i hear it, especially since i also have alot on my plate between exams, social events, family struggles, and no one gets me in my family, i tried my best to vent to close ones but no one really understood and im too embarrassed to talk to them and clarify, again im sorry for the trigger ,its just i need the help , atleast a technique or advice i can use

[newbie1956]

Hello Kevin,

You remind me of my youngest son in many ways. He's 56 now but has suffered with OCD since he was 8 or 9 years old. He has many good days lately but I always worry about him. What has helped him (and many others) seems to be learning all he can about anxiety. Also having a hobby. (whatever it is )

He can look back and see that none of the things he feared & obsessed about ever happened. Have you realized that lately?

It's also good to remember OCD is common & you're not alone. You simply want and need reassurance. My son is the same way. In many ways, we're all alike. Many people mask over their behaviors & thoughts, or use alcohol or drugs to hide uncomfortable feelings, but i respect you because you're morally stable.

Just the hint of doing or even thinking of doing something "bad" hurts you.

That's a fine quality, Kevin.

I still pray you'll find comfort from "side effects" of a condition that's not your fault.

With sincere affection...your friend

[Onthego33]

Hi Kevin Try to find some online CBT It will give you a small idea on one of the ways you could try to shift the thoughts going around in your head. It will help a little.

[cool132212]

Hi Kevin,so I am 16 and I need help do you think that you can help me?