First time

[Book_eating_lover]

I am 21 years old, I have been struggling to find happiness in my family home since around February of 2020. I thought it would be a better idea to let my feelings out than keeping them all inside since that never works so I am going to try this for the first time. There is a lot of pressure and tension in my home between my parents and I. I do not feel that I am being a good enough daughter to them but at the same time I am trying to fulfill my wishes of becoming someone in life and developing my relationship further with my partner in order to share my experiences with, but I'm suppose to be more family oriented according to my parents... but what good is being family oriented when you aren't happy being home with them, feeling judgment for me actions, and not being listened too since they are too focused on other things around them. I love my family, I really do and I love my boyfriend and the school I attend and the goals I want to achieve but lately is it hard to do anything without feeling like a mess up or vegting overwhelmed to the point where all I'm doing is sitting at my desk crying wanting someone to tell me everything is going to be okay, that I'm loved, and life isnt so bad but it feels like it's all falling apart around me with nothing to hold on too... thank you for anyone who takes the time and reads this. It's not easy to open up about my feelings at all since I try to stay composed but I'm tired of feeling this emotional rollercoaster inside and want to be happy with everyone in my life since everyone is equally important to me.

[BlueSky125]

In what ways do you feel judged or pressure from your parents. You mentioned February, did something happen at that time?

[Book_eating_lover in reply to BlueSky125]

I feel pressured by being a good daughter. My parents are very old fashioned and want me to complete my goal of going to medical school first and spending all this time while I want to study for my MCAT I rather spend my time with my boyfriend since he is where I feel most comfortable with. Around February, me and him began to get a lot closer, my studying for my MCAT took off, and then the pandemic happened... my parents basically in a nut shell don't want me spending time with him and rather spend time with them since family is everything which I get but I need to grow up too and be able to find love. I'm the oldest child too which probably doesn't help since I just want to make them happy, but they aren't ready to let go of that all makes any sense

[Laurennnnnnn]

I swear, I feel like I wrote your post, I’m going through a very similar situation.

I’m still struggling with it, but my therapist has helped a lot. She explained that living my own life would make my life with my family different, but in a good way. Our dynamic is different and bc I’m not with them all the time, I truly enjoy when I come over and visit and I think they feel the same way. It’s made our relationship stronger than I could expect.

I feel like there’s a point where everyone has to do this, and I think that the anxiety and conflict usually is a sign that it’s time to move to a new stage of life. Your family will understand eventually, they had to do it too in some point of their life.

[Book_eating_lover in reply to Laurennnnnnn]

Omg I'm not alone here. Thank you very much for reaching out! How did you make your relationship stronger? Whenever I am home to spend time with them, I get lectured or hurtful comments are thrown out like I don't care about this family anymore which makes me feel that I'm not belonged even though I do love them and want to spend time with them too in my life. I do have a busy schedule with being an EMT, college student preparing for my MCAT at the end of summer, and trying to develop a social life on top of everything with my boyfriend who I really am in love with. I don't want to choose between anyone but them make me feel like I'm choosing him over them which isnt how I want things. I totally agree with you, I think I am at this point in my life to start my own life but it's hard for me since I have one more year of college and I live at home to safe money, plus I'm still dependent on them. Sooner enough I'm going to leave the best but don't want them to feel like I'm abandoning them...

[Laurennnnnnn]

I hate to say it but the only thing that made it stronger was me being away more. For a while I got constant passive aggressive comments from them, but I think after a few months they realized that I’m an adult and I kind of have to leave at some point lol. And I think, like me, they realized that there was a lot less fighting between us with me not there constantly.

And it really was difficult because I felt awful (and still do sometimes) for “abandoning” them but there was just a point where I realized that I need to take ownership of my happiness and life and they need to do the same, and find their new normal with me living away from home