Hello everyone! I'm new to the group and just looking forward to talking to other people who understand depression/anxiety. It's def a lonely world to be in, when the people around you just don't get it.
I have struggled on/off for years and have never sought help before. I think a support group is going to be better than therapy for now, just having people to relate to. The reason i'm doing this is mainly because my coping mechanisms aren't very healthy currently and i think i just can't keep all this internal anymore or i'll explode.
I'm currently overseas deployed and its been harder here. Separated from all my family and loved ones. There are nights i just cry and cry, even after having a pretty good day. The nights are always the roughest. I haven't made deep connections here so just feel very isolated/disconnected. My mood swings are rough too. It makes the few friends i do have here, push me away, they can't deal with it. and then im always apologizing.. non stop. it almost feels like i apologize for existing and having feelings at this point. It's just exhausting.
I'm a friendly person, but at this point just stick to being on my own. Spend most of my time alone. it's just easier that way. But i want to be better. I want to not drain the energy from those around me. It's like i'm a rain cloud coming into ppls lives and dimming their sun. And i hate that. That's not what i want to be... I want to be more positive, i want to bring good things to ppl's lives. anyway, i think that's good for post #1. thanks for reading
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Time2Heal2022
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There are a lot of members that can relate to what you are going through. Myself included. Welcome to the forum and thank you for taking the first step in adjusting to life within anxiety. It is nice to surround yourself with people who refrain from judgment and that is what you should expect here.
There are no quick easy fixes to deal with depression so strap in. It will take time to feel at ease and hopefully while that is happening you develop some relationships here.
T2H, welcome 😃 ...from what I can tell, you're anything but a raincloud. On the contrary, you seem to be more the rainbow and the sunshine in everyone else's storm. 🙏. ...glad you're here!
Hi Time2Heal, I saw your reply to my post and really appreciated it. I thought it would be better to reply to you here, to mutually share advice.
First I must say that I did finish The Four Agreements, and I do agree that the message is very good. It's a message I've known all along, but I've never found the "catalyst" within myself to actually follow it completely. Although, interestingly, something pretty urgent has happened to my family seemingly right after I finished the book. I think it's really helped me console them, and I've been able to keep a level head about the whole situation throughout all of it.
Overall, yeah, it's quite the powerful book if you listen to it.
As for my own advice to you, I ask that you make your own judgement to my following words. If it does not resonate with you, then that's okay, it's for your own personal discernment.
The deepest, truest connection you can make with someone, is yourself. No matter how many people we surround ourselves in, no matter what achievements we attain; we will never be satisfied with any of it, until we are satisfied with ourselves. And that satisfaction does not come from the people, or the achievements. The satisfaction comes from YOU.
You can imagine your relationship with your self as that of a mother and child; the external mother, and the internal child. When we push all of our fears, doubts, anger, and insecurities onto our child, who do you think they're going to grow up to be? They'll end up becoming the spitting image of their abusive mother; the fear, the doubts, the anger, and the insecurities all together.
We are children of our own creation, for better or for worse. But as always, we are graced with the choice between the two. Which path will we take?
Thank you for reading and making it this far. I always continue when asked, as I never feel it's appropriate to flood people with my own beliefs. Otherwise, I pray for you to find the light within yourself amidst the chaos
I totally understand how you feel. For so long I have felt like I have been bringing down those around me. Being overseas must be hard, but hoping through this community or somewhere else you are able to find people who support you. Everyone has a bad day and it doesn't make you a raincloud or bad person.
Try to remember that you are a friendly person, this hard time doesn't define you!
Hello and welcome to the group I hope you find it helpful for you. You're welcome to just vent and share here. One of the things I found helpful for venting when no one was available to vent to is just writing it out. i would let myself just write out how I felt and not edit it or worry about what it looked like but just vent and then i would throw it away, it felt good to release it.
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