Feeling lonely and missing my ex.

[yo207]

I have been depressed lately. I live alone. I am a cancer patient and I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost five years. I have been alone for most of the coronavirus shutdown except to get my chemo treatments. I thought I was handling it until this weekend when I really started to miss my ex. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you.

[Hidden]

I’m surprised you broke up with him with both going on. It’s always hard the first while to not get a hug a cuddle a text to say good night and just knowing someone is there. If you can get out go out have a warm cup of yummy coffee you like hug your pet or buy yourself a cuddly blanket. Watch fun girlie movies like The Sweetest Thing the new Vacation (it’s fun) or the Good Girl’s series on Netflix it’s awesome !! You take care of yourself and love that little girl in you !!

[yo207 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the suggestions. I did not want to break up with him but he has been separated since we met and he has made no attempt to get divorced and he is still very involved in his prior relationship. Our relationship wasn’t going anywhere for a while. When the virus hit he went back home to Florida where she is and I was left here alone. I still love him but he has made it clear that he cannot give me what I want which is some sort of commitment. I didn’t feel this sense of loss and loneliness when I got divorced more than 10 years ago. I waited eight years after that to date again. I thought he was the one. Obviously I’m afraid that I don’t have that much time left so I wonder if I will ever love again. I am at a loss.

Thank you for listening to me.

[Hidden]

It makes sense you feel this way with your diagnosis. I have health issues it’s hard to get a commitment because of it. So yes that loss hurts I can relate. You prob feel not good enough but he wasn’t available enough. You found out who he truly was prioritization it’s a loss but it’s an opportunity. With dating these days there’s so much sifting through. You just give yourself a wee bit of time then open yourself up to dating again even if not seriously it opens opportunities & getting used to it. These days if you say you want to get married they run they can say it not us you can say long term see how it goes. 8 years is a long time. Now you know .. you have to make the opportunity happen.

[yo207 in reply to Hidden]

I will try. Yes, the health issue does come into play. They say time heals all wounds. Thanks again for the advice.

[Hidden]

Sorry your going though these treatments. Was he good to you, or did you break up ,because he wasn’t. Also you have to get help for the depression. It is not good to have depression, or anxiety with Cancer. My dad had Cancer, and he felt like you, so I took him for help, also tried to make his days happy ones. He had fourth stage, went into remission, never got it back again. You have to take care yourself now to get well, beside what the dr. are doing to make you well.❤️

[yo207 in reply to Hidden]

I know depression is not good during cancer treatment. This is my fourth time around. I feel like it’s the combination of being alone because my son relocated right before the virus got bad here. I found out the cancer was back and I was hoping that my boyfriend would come to stay with me once in a while since I couldn’t go out. He was good to me and I was his priority in the beginning. It became very obvious that that changed at some point in our relationship. I’m upset with myself because I kept hoping that he would wake up and see how good we were together and make some kind of commitment. I’m not even talking about moving in together or getting engaged but showing me that I was still important to him. I always had to take a backseat to his family and (wife) towards the end of our relationship. As I type this I am upset that I am even thinking about him. I know my treatment and my health should take priority in my life right now. Thank you for your reply. God Bless!

[Joy2020]

Get over that person

[yo207 in reply to Joy2020]

I know! I would say the same if a friend of mine was going through this. Hoping for that day to come soon! Thank you.

[Anij3443]

I'm so sorry that you are weighed down so heavily right now. There is much going on in the world and in your life. How is your support system? Do you have friends and family that can surround you? I know that they might not be able to be WITH you but they can offer support via phone calls, letters and cards, deliveries, etc. Take that important step to reach out to your support system and let them know how your doing. Have you considered seeing a therapist? It can be via technology instead of in person. In fact, my 13 yr old son is 3 feet from me doing therapy with his psychologist via the computer right now. Its been immensely helpful! Praying for you!

[yo207 in reply to Anij3443]

I have a great support system as far as my cancer diagnosis. I do not share my feelings about my ex with anyone except two friends. I am ashamed that I am feeling this way about someone who took me for granted. I have had therapy in the past. I called my old therapist but she did not return my call. Maybe I should try someone new. It bothers me so much that I am giving him any thought at all. I guess I let myself believe that he was the one and now I’m hurt because it didn’t work out. Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. Take care.

[Cb1963]

What a wonderful person you are! And you deserve better, especially with your current health problems, you have been badly let down, and no wonder you feel depressed,its so difficult to explain our feelings, and don't be ashamed of how you wear your heart, it shows your true honesty, which is a rare thing to find in this world today,and seems he just didn't want to be around anymore, especially if he has an ex over in Florida, no wonder you are feeling at your lowest point, how about getting a rescue pet from a dog/ cat home, they are always looking for new owners,of course your health treatment is an issue, and maybe this might interfere if you need to have hospital treatments in the future maybe,I had to adjust to being single and I enjoy my own company, I try not to dwell on wether I would need a partner,but I do often wonder if it will affect me in later life,but i think your health should be your priority, I wish you all the best, and the forum often will cheer people up, its not just all doom and gloom, occasionally random pages spring into life and it goes off into various tangents, laughter etc,it all depends on the evening, subject, and persons,take care, thanks.

[yo207 in reply to Cb1963]

What a nice thing to say! You brought tears to my eyes! 🙏 I have a dog that I rescued 8 years ago when I was volunteering at a shelter. I did try to adopt another dog when the COVID lockdown started but someone else beat me to him.😞 I may be moving in a few months and it has been difficult to find a pet friendly apartment. I am now afraid to get a second dog. I was once very comfortable being single. I had my wall up when we first met but I eventually took it down. I blame myself because he told me that he couldn’t give me what I wanted but he waited until we were more than three years into this. I held onto hope for the following year trying to be understanding and mature. I just couldn’t do it any longer. When he drove down to Florida I kind of knew it would be the last straw. I hope to be a whole person in the near future. I believe in my heart that it is his loss. I will focus on my health. I have no choice. Thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate it. God Bless!

[Cb1963]

Ah you see,I knew, your heart is made of 24 carat gold! So you rescued a dog already, and you volunteered at a shelter,just be yourself, and don't worry about being single,you can be your own boss,just think you can do what you want! It didn't leave me with a nice feeling what he was doing and I'm a man!!! So remember we are all equal on this planet, and you deserve a bit of respect, and definitely you don't deserve what was going on,sounds like you have enough problems, and this fella just didn't want to stick around to help you out, well ,what does that tell you? Don't let him work his way back in,he's probably playing the same stupid game with his ex,and as soon as something goes wrong he's going to be on the phone saying hi honey can we meet up for 'coffee or something, don't fall for any of his nonsense if this happens, stay true to yourself, and then you'll have your soul,and honor in tact,this is what I will be telling you from a MANS point of view, it will keep your head on your shoulders, and the tears away from your eyes, best of luck,always happy to talk.

[yo207 in reply to Cb1963]

I will say thank you once again for the kind words. I try to be a good person everyday. What you said about respect really resonates with me. I believe that no matter the circumstance everyone deserves respect whether in a relationship, at work and in all areas of life. I gave him respect when I knew he was not being 100% forthcoming in many instances. I love that you are a man and you are being truthful. It makes me feel like I wasn’t crazy and being a nagging girlfriend. I will take your words to heart and I will learn to be single and happy once again. Thanks again for your input. It was so nice chatting with you. You are a real gentleman.

[Ambien1711]

Is it possible to reconcile?

[yo207 in reply to Ambien1711]

No. I refuse to be a mistress to him or anyone else. Thank you though.

[Ambien1711 in reply to yo207]

I understand. Congrats on respecting yourself. You are going through a lot. Stay on here with us but all try to find some support in your area.

[yo207 in reply to Ambien1711]

Thank you. It is not easy but respect is very important. I am finally talking to my friends and family so I’m trying to let it all out. I’m crying at the drop of a hat but hoping to cleanse my soul and get to a better place soon. I appreciate the help.

[Ambien1711 in reply to yo207]

Of course. And PM me anytime!