Feeling lonely

[bernoje]

I am 43 years old been dealing with bipolar depression for. 4 years now and haven't been Abel to work no one speaks to me anymore I try to reach out to family but they don't understand I don't go our I stay home alone and can't get myself to look for work or anything else

[Belcossan]

I am 59 and only been dealing with the depression for about 6 months but everything you say I'm dealing with also all alone no one to talk to no one who understands at least I am able to work for now but everyday my depression gets deeper and deeper

[gogogirl in reply to Belcossan]

I have some type of depression /anxiety focused on certain issues for many years. Welcome- it is quite something to see how many are on this forum. I have met some very nice people, and wish they were closer!

[Belcossan in reply to gogogirl]

How does one cope with this for years? I've been dealing with it for 6 months and already I don't know how much more I can take

[gogogirl in reply to Belcossan]

Good question- I have my moments , well really more than that . I try to take one day at a time. Mine is based on past regrets that seep into rumination. May I ask- do you know what triggered this? You do not have to share, but I think just venting can help.

[Belcossan in reply to gogogirl]

I will tell you the whole story. 6 months ago my fiance of two and a half years broke up with me after cheating on me. Upset me so much that I quit my job. So that's where the depression began. I met someone else got engaged again and we broke up after a month. More depression. Then still without a job my financial situation became very stressful. I found a job but only a part-time job which keeps my finances at a minimum. The next thing is about a month ago I found out my dog has heartworms. There's $1,000 for treatment that I do not have. Then a couple of weeks ago my 92 year old father had a stroke. more depression. A week ago I saw a picture of my first fiance with her new boyfriend on Facebook and then I cracked. Her and I had to remain friends after our breakup I was trying to deal with it as best I could but when I saw that picture the buildup of everything else that I've been dealing with just made me lash out at her. So now I feel the guilt of lashing out at her and others recently

[gogogirl in reply to Belcossan]

For your dog- I wonder if you could just tell the vet ? Some vets will allow payment plans, and there are organizations that can help also depending on where you live. Are u in the USA? Why do you have to remain friends with someone who broke up with you? Sorry about all of your losses and decisions. YOu have nothing to feel guilty about- be kind to yourself.

[Belcossan in reply to gogogirl]

Perhaps I can work something out with the dog bill as far as the ex fiance is concerned, the truth of the matter is I'm still very much in love with her

[gogogirl in reply to Belcossan]

I hope you can work that out with your vet, and there might be organizations that can assist. As far as your feelings for someone who does not return them- I hope you can turn these to something that is meaningful to you.

[Belcossan in reply to gogogirl]

The relationship was a complicated one. Me in the USA and her in England and she being 10 years younger than me. I really don't blame her because I could not always be there with her. So really my depression isn't about her and being broken up but just more about that I hurt someone that I care so much about it

[gogogirl in reply to Belcossan]

I hope that you can receive some counseling. We all have roles in our own lives, and sometimes that also can cause guilt as well as of course the downward spiral that you mentioned at an older age. Plus looking back at an older age can trigger somewhat - I can relate to that. I am somewhat perplexed here- quitting a job because you broke up with someone? It also sounds like you met someone else pretty fast and that ended also. Your dad is still alive so that is a positive even though he has has medical problems. Also, I do not do social media barely use a computor - maybe stop going on facebook. In the mean time, I hope you find more in person support- there is a mental health organization called National Alliance on Mental Illness also and they have a website.

[Belcossan in reply to gogogirl]

Well the second person on that was just a rebound thing trying to help me get over the first one. And thank you for the suggestion on the Mental Health Organization and thank you also for the talk you have been a great help for me and I appreciate it

[gogogirl in reply to Belcossan]

You're welcome. I hope you find a better job as well- maybe that will help with the other situations. It can be harder getting older. If there is a NAMI group near your area- perhaps you can meet more people who have been there.

[annieb56 in reply to Belcossan]

Where is your ownership in your depression? You said you're out of a long term relationship 6 months ago, yet you meet and get engaged again to someone new within months?!? You're not addressing your issues. Your dog having heartworms and your father's stroke are not your fault. What are your expectations? Life doesn't go smoothly for anyone. Conflicts and health problems happen to everybody. Get off of social media if it triggers your depression. Take some responsibility, lower your expectations, and figure out who YOU are before forcing another relationship to fill the void.

[Belcossan in reply to annieb56]

Really I don't think it would be so bad if I wasn't always alone. Being alone all the time is not good because all I do is think

[annieb56 in reply to Belcossan]

Then you need friends, not a relationship. Do you have any interests? The first step is to stop obligating others to fulfill your loneliness - they will inevitably disappoint you and your depression cycle will continue. Look for low-cost group therapy in your area - it exists. oppc.mentalhealthexcellence...

It all starts with YOU.

[Belcossan in reply to annieb56]

I have friends very few who are busy with their own families leaving me alone most of the time I understand what you're saying I appreciate your help

[RubyDee77 in reply to annieb56]

I agree with the social media thing. I completely got rid of mine for similar reasons. It has been a blessing. The world doesn't understand people who are not on social media. Too bad. If that keeps you from being more depressed, it is worth it.

[Belcossan in reply to RubyDee77]

Social media is not a problem for me. It's actually been a bit of a help. There are few people that are dear to me and actually do care and try to help. I've never dealt with this depression before and I don't know if I would be feeling this way if I could learn how to deal with each problem separately but the fact that I've had so much hit me all at one time just seems to be too much to bear

[shawnaskin in reply to Belcossan]

There is a website that does the twelve steps called iintherooms.com I go to it sometimes to listen to other people with similar problems. Its an aa format but i just think of my illness as my problem and it seems to help.

[shawnaskin in reply to shawnaskin]

actually its intherooms.com with out the i in the beginning its a typo

[Belcossan in reply to shawnaskin]

Thank you for the suggestion I will try it

[shawnaskin in reply to Belcossan]

I think it will help

[gogogirl]

Sorry your family does not speak to you due to your mental health. Whoa.

[MKatic]

You need to get out there and talk to people .sucks being alone.

[ThyroidJ]

Sorry you feel bad, I’m a similar age and I have suffered depression now I have Graves’ disease and at times I feel alone. I spoke to mind a uk based mental health charity who pointed me in the direction of practical support and a befriending service, key workers etc. It’s very hard when you can’t go out. Writing on here is a great step btw

Other posts have suggested finding friends, what about hobbies? I’m thinking of a running group but I need to get my health in order first but you could do something similar, gardening, walking, anything to help you meet people. I’ve come off Facebook I find it depressing but annoying because is it a true picture of life? No it’s what people want you to see.

I do hope you feel better and you are able to be kind to yourself and love yourself

[MommyBro]

I often feel much the same. Sometimes I go to one of my local public libraries just to be able to get out and be around other people, even though I don't talk others very much. I also found a place where I volunteer for a few hours one day a week. Many of my fellow volunteers are older and are retirees and don't seem to be in financial difficulties, but they and their friends and families are often dealing with difficult issues. And many of our guests are destitute and/or homeless, and some of them are mentally ill, so I can see there are a lot of people around who are worse off than me. There is a website called VolunteerMatch.com (or is it .org?) that can give you also sorts of possibilities of volunteering in your area, for just one day or ongoing.

i have been without regular employment for 2 years despite many classes relating to various aspects of the job search, and targeted applications to many jobs. Luckily i have a husband who tries to be supportive, but he's been with the same employer for 25 years and has advanced steadily and they just love him there, so he can't really know what it's like. Our finances are in a bad way, producing additional depression and anxiety for me.

Years ago i took a craft class with my city's recreation department. There were a group of women who had been taking this ongoing class for a long time and a group of us who were new. Eventually the "old timers" warmed up to the "newbies" and everyone got to chatting and discovered things in common such as dealing with a parent with Alzheimer's, and then it was no longer just a class which was fun and educational, but also a spontaneous support group. So you never know what you will find if you can get yourself to put yourself out there in the world.

I wish you all the best.

[bernoje in reply to MommyBro]

Thank you means a lot to me for your input