Ideas for Helping my 21 yr old son w depression

[Hockeyguy66]

Looking for ideas in how I can help my 21 yr old son w depression. Hes isolating in his room, avoiding life and most people except his close friends on occasion. He has has no motivation for education, work or helping around the house. I'm trying not to enable this and im not big on punishment either tho turning the internet off will get his attention (it certainly disrupts my home business).

He gave up on meds and therapy , sleeps most days and is up nights.

Since he gave up on those 2 committments, I asked him to clne up with ideas to replace them as they were deal breakers for me (tho I cant imagine throwing him out). He had none but agreed to do a family therapy session w me and a therapist.

Id love for him to do a full program for a few weeks but he cant get out of bed for that rn.

I'm thinking of asking him to spend an hour per day w me watching video on topics at NAMI, on values, finding purpose and such. Dont know how I can get him up and about to do this if he agress and then refuses.

Anyway I'm in a concerned place.

I do have 2 therapsists helping me. It's difficult as he doesnt want to connect right now.

Any ideas are welcomed. If uve been where I am especially.

Tyvm

[Agora1]

Hockeyguy66, I'm in the same position myself. Until this post is written by

your son who finally realizes that he needs help, you stay stuck and so does he.

And so you keep getting therapy in hopes that will suffice until something happens

that will open his mind to changes.

As long as you are providing for him, he doesn't need to change. Tough love is something

most parents can't fathom. When does it begin to be too much emotional strain on the

parent and what are the answers?

For me, after insurmountable sessions of therapy, I have finally accepted that this is how

it is. I will be here and love my daughter but I can not help her heal if she doesn't want to.

As long as they are of sound mind and at the age of reason, the ball is in their court.

I'm sorry. I wish I had a magical answer for you. I am happy that you are on this amazing

forum. I hope you get the answers you are looking for. xx

[Hockeyguy66 in reply to Agora1]

Tough love???? Food, clothing, shelter only or worse is what ur implementing?

[Agora1 in reply to Hockeyguy66]

Tough love is the worse you can do for their sake.

Boot them out of the house with no financial support.

They're on their own. I never was able to do it.

[Sprinkle1]

Yes "Tough Love". It sounds like he is using you, you have to stop it for Your sanity. If he is of legal age, ask him to move out, he can go to YMCA or a homeless shelter. I suffer with clinical depression and severe anxiety, which is hell, but I do go to therapy and take medication for both of my problems. There is no one to take care of me, I am it, this has been going on and off for me since childhood, I have had 7 terms in the hospital "G" ward. But I am a fighter, have suffered thru 2 suicidal attempts, was discovered both times, last time at age 46, I made a promise after, "suicide is not an option". My life has not been easy, just came out of a 3 year trip thru hell, with the right therapist and med's I am back to my old self, I am happy and content. Take his computer away, then let him figure out what to do with himself, do not take food to him, when he gets hungry he will come and get some. And do Not blame yourself in any way. If he is genuinely ill, he will want help and med's. If he is using you, do Not play into his game. Life can be So hard at times, but as adults we are only responsible for ourselves. Free yourself up, yes keep loving him but go on with your life and work, time will work for some changes, be patient. I send you love and support, strength and courage, write to me if I can be of more help....Big Hugs.....