Need help for my 11 year old son

[Oct18]

I am not sure if I am in the right place but looking for any advice from others who have children with severe depression. My 11-year-old son has been in therapy for a few years and been on Zoloft and now Prozac. He is normally a sweet kid but he is never at peace and rarely happy. Lately he is just talking of wanting to die. Obviously the medicine is not working and We see his doctor in a few days to discuss changing medications. He has been diagnosed as having depression with anxiety, but his mom and I don’t think he has been diagnosed correctly. Little things that others don’t get too upset about seem to ruin his life. He has a twin brother and older sister who both do not have behavioral problems. His mom has been diagnosed as bipolar as well as his uncle . He is not violent but has cut himself a few times when he is very upset. If he does something wrong it is impossible to discipline him because he will just want to die and hurt himself. Anyone with any advice I would greatly appreciate.

[Boober180]

I am so sorry to hear that he is going through such a rough time. Do you think that he suffers with being bipolar as well.

My daughter is 17 and battles with depression and it runs on my side of family. There are times that she gets in the dumps and is very irritable but not to the extent of self harm. Maybe a different doctor needs to evaluate your son since there is family history of loved ones whom are bipolar. Wishing the best.

[Oct18 in reply to Boober180]

I am not an expert on the true symptoms of bipolar but I feel he has more than just depression and anxiety. According to his doctor, Prozac and Zoloft should help if he suffers from that, so when we see her Monday we will discuss new medication and re-evaluating his diagnosis . If things don’t seem to be helpful then we will definitely seek a second opinion.

[foxglove_pnw]

Hi Oct18 !

I have two kids so I can just imagine how hard this is for you and your wife !

One thing I have learned from youth mental health conferences and seminars is to take seriously any intend to self harm specially if he has suicide feelings!

There is not harm in looking for a second opinion! Who takes care of his medication? Psychiatrist or Pediatrician?

How is he academically?

Does he see a psychologist? It would be great if he had psychological support ! You and your wife would also benefit from it .

I am glad you are here ! ❤️

[Oct18 in reply to foxglove_pnw]

In the town we live in there is only one pediatrician that has psychologists and psychiatrists so he sees both at the pediatricians office. It went well for a few months but he has just regressed. Academically he and his twin brother are always a little behind average. I cannot go back in time but I always felt they should have started school a year later because they have always been playing catch-up, but they have their friends now and emotionally I think it would be devastating to repeat a grade.

Some other details of our situation, his mom and I divorced 10 years ago, so he was 1 and I have had custody of him and his brother and sister for the last eight years. His mom has had a history of prescription substance abuse but for the last few years things are well and she gets them quite often , at least every other weekend and takes them to dinner during the weeks. Last October I was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer and I am being treated at Duke university. I am doing very well and responding well to treatment, still working taking care of the kids exercising etc. and he is worried sick about me too .

I truly believe if I was perfectly healthy and his mom and I were happily married, he would be still suffering from the same issues. There is no talking to him to get him to see things how they really are, when he is down nobody loves him, God hates him, everybody wishes he wasn’t here and he just wants to die which seems to be more and more now.

[Calm_mama]

Hi Oct18,

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this, this is terribly difficult, I know.

I have been in your shoes with some slight variations on the theme. My daughter is now 16 and doing well. She is on a pinch of Lexapro and she has had over 800 hours of therapy in the last 2 years (!!) (she was resistant to therapy before age 14) And it has all helped her so, so much. Some of it was in residential care, most of it outpatient. Perhaps he needs a different therapist? I would get him into a therapist who knows DBT and CBT as part of his/her expertise if possible. My daughter's therapist sees her 1:1 and she also did a year-long DBT class at that therapy center (with parents). It was fantastic and frankly, life-changing.

FYI there is a FB group for parents like us called "Parenting Mental Health". It's great. It's also very heavy sometimes so, *caution* It's quite active. I think ~ 20 posts a day? Mostly moms but definitely some dads on there. Big hugs to you, I know how hard this is!

[Oct18 in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you! I will check out that Facebook page and if things do not go well at his next doctors appointment which is Monday in reference to medication and reevaluating him then we will seek a second opinion from someone who specializes in children who are bipolar. What does DBT and CBR stand for?

[Calm_mama in reply to Oct18]

Hi! Sorry about that- CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and DBT is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My son is the middle child between two girls and also has anxiety/depression. He’s now 30.

For discipline we had to use nice words in a stern way. I hope I can explain. Instead of discussing what he did wrong we gave him options on how to have handled that moment better to avoid anxiety they’ll manipulate you so you have to be careful. You have the fear of self-harm. He knows that. So I always started something like ‘because I love you and it’s my job to teach you how to make good choices what could you have done to avoid this boring speech?’ I told his sisters I would do the same with them so he didn’t feel singled out on the parenting style. We did a good deal of laughing at made up stories going overboard as well. It cut the tension out. I’m just doing my job. That’s just my family. Maybe one day it will help you. Best of luck to you. 🍀💛

[Oct18 in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

We will try that approach when he needs to be disciplined. He is also very manipulative. Thank you for your advice ❤️

[lillyofthevalley37]

First of all I think your son should stop taking SSRI it is dangerous for young people as it does something to dopamine as well as serotonin leaving them with damaged dopamine receptors

Serotonin is a downer and if your son is already down he shouldn't be on prozac an SSRI the best use for serotonin is when someone is on a bipolar manic high bc it stops or moderates the high

I would give your son fish oil capsules 4-5 a day please note I am suggesting fish oil not cod liver oil as this would be toxic , also flaxseed oil both are a rich sorcse of omega 3

It will be the prozac that is making him want to die it is the overload of serotonin that does this he may even have serotonin syndrome

If your son has bipolar he does not need SSRI s during the depressive phase , maybe your son has bipolar but has never yet had a manic high bc the serotonin has kept him down all the time

So I would get him off prozac , which has caused many suicides , and give him plenty of omega 3 and see how he goes if he does get high they would want to treat him with something like olanzapine which is good for stopping highs but is a horrible drug to take every day

My husband has bipolar type 1

[Oct18]

Thank you so much! I’m starting to feel that way about Prozac, it may be responsible for making him worse. His diet is not the best as he hates to eat anything that is good for him. I am vegan and I get plenty of omega-3’s with ground flaxseed and Chia seeds, I may add that to his foods as well as discuss fish oil and flaxseed oil with his doctor and or a nutritionist . Thank you again!

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Oct18]

Where are you getting your iodine from ? Sorry but I don't think kids should be vegan ?

[Oct18 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I chose to become vegan after being diagnosed with prostate cancer, my kids are not vegan.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Oct18]

My husband recently had his prostate removed ( cancer) - I made sure he had iodine when he went for radioactive scans - organic sea kelp is a good source of iodine

[Agronseth09]

Go with him to a support group so he can see that it isn’t him. It’s what he has and that there are others just like him. I’ve had anxiety/depression since that age too