Looking for advice for my 16 yr old son

[AjsMom]

I am needing advice to direct my 16 yr old son who just told me he's feeling so much anxiety lately and we are going to talk together tomorrow to see what and how to help him. The last thing I need is for him resorting to drugs, drinking etc. I'm glad he told me and is willing to discuss his feelings. He needs advice and direction from me. He feels it's mostly social anxiety. I've dealt with the same since a teen and I'm 46 now. I want and am and will be here for whatever he needs. Any suggestions or direction would be extremely helpful.

[Hidden]

Your son is Welcome to chat with me about Anything at all. I have a lot of experience at So Many things that I can relate to almost anything. It can’t hurt to try. This site is protected by professionals and is pretty safe. I’m comfortable here and I kind of share Everything, I’m just not afraid to at all...

Chris

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[AjsMom in reply to Hidden]

He's a great well rounded young man. He just started working with his 1st job. He told me today that he is feeling lots of anxiety at work, more like social anxiety and insecurities within himself. He's afraid of messing up, afraid to talk to Dad and is looking forward to moving in with me full time next month because Dad is moving 2 hours away and happy about as he feels Dad is always angry and will shrug of his feelings. He feels comfy talking to me about everything which I love, we have a really good open relationship and he does talk to me more because I consider his feelings. He thinks it stems back to when he was around 8 yrs old but is saying it's actually affecting him now and it's showing. I love him more than anything in this world and do not like that he feels this way and want to help so it doesn't get worse and anybody with anxiety can relate because it can get worse/deeper and turn into more than just anxiety. As an adult I finally have mine under control for the first time in 30 years, I battled all my life because of not getting the proper advice or treatment until the past few years. Mine got worse as the years went on. I want to help him with tools, and nip this in the bud before it gets out of control such as depression. As a young person I didn't talk to anyone and I resorted to other things as a teen. I'm blessed with the relationship we have and that he feels he can talk to me about anything. I have to give him the right advice tomorrow and would like some assistance and advice from others that have worked for them. He feels insecure with his weight. He has lost 40 and working out, wants to feels comfy in his own skin and doesn't want it showing at work. He said his boss noticed his anxiety this week and now wants to talk to me because he knows I've battled it and sees how I've turned my life around as my anxiety is under control. I did this as an adult. I would love to see him get his under control now and not go through what I have for 30 years. I know first hand how he feels. I went through complete hell with mine. Making choices I'm not proud of in the past. He's a great young man and has so much going for himself and with the right help and advice I know he can feel better and not have to go through what I did. I just feel horrible that he feels this way. It's breaking my heart.

[FriendlyDude in reply to AjsMom]

You said yourself that you love him more than anything in this world!! So beautiful

I’d just say to tell him that! Help him feel loved as much as you love him. Help him see the best in himself, to believe in himself. Reassure him of your love for him, your support, your care, your hugs (if you two do those), and just do your best to help him

It sounds as though you have quite the experience, I believe you can be a HUGE help to your son! Just don’t overwhelm him 😂 but please overwhelm him with love, that’s the best way to go love is the answer to pretty much everything!

I wish you and your son the best! Good luck with everything!

[Hidden]

I just saw your Pro and 10 minutes is quite fast service, don’t ya think, don’t you know...

Ask your son to describe to me when he first thought he might have an anxiety issue and what was going on at the time that was involved in making him feel this way ???

Chris

Catman22

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[AjsMom in reply to Hidden]

And thank you for responding, wow that was quick. How old are you? Are you a professional, a young man that's received help. I will take your advice tomorrow and ask him. That would be a great opener to our conversation. Much appreciated

[Hidden in reply to AjsMom]

I’m 61 but have been through 610 years of experience, is it is measured by pain and suffering.

I’m post I mean past that now and am happy about 95 % of the time, despite life’s endless difficulties and challenges...

Chris

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[FearIsALiar]

Therapy!

[AjsMom in reply to FearIsALiar]

I was in therapy from 17 up until a few years ago when I discovered AA. AA has been a great support for me and has taught me how to keep my anxiety under control. I think a support group like AA could help everyone. It helps you to deal with life on life's terms, how to cope,when sitting in these meetings anyone can relate by putting there issue in place of alcoholism when in these groups. AA has taught me more about myself, how to live happy, my solution to my problems with drinking, anxiety, depression, ptsd is attending my meetings. Everyone and anyone can get help and learn so much with dealing coping and living life on life terms I feel. It changed my thought process so much. Also helped by seeing I wasn't alone with my thoughts and feelings. And yes it keeps me sober, sane, and making the right choices. I don't know where to steer him. I know what works for me. I want to help him and guide him in the right direction. Therapy works but not for everyone. It didn't for me. When I found AA, it helped me with drinking, my self esteem, self confidence in turn helped with my anxiety too.

[FearIsALiar in reply to AjsMom]

What’s AA?

[Hidden]

This is not easy to begin dealing with and it’s hard but I did it quite successfully.

Tell me something that your son likes or even loves to do, even if he does it rarely or doesn’t even like doing that anymore.

Tell him not to imitate his friends or schoolmates because they are different people and what they do won’t work for your boy.

BTW your getting back to me so quickly shows and proves how much you Love ❤️ your son which I’m sure he is well aware of..

Name one thing he likes doing and let me know what that is. Also what about it he enjoys and how he feels after doing that activity...

There must be something he likes to do. If he doesn’t like doing that much anymore, what was going on in his life at the time or before he started to enjoy that activity less.

Please work with me, we are just starting and it takes time to move in a positive way with an illness as serious as Anxiety. And you are quite right that this will turn into depression over time, which is a Horribly painful illness.

Just knowing that many people at HU care about your boy and share the same issues itself will encourage and lift him up.

Without this site’s members writing me with their support, I could Never have gotten better in my opinion.

Can anyone please help write to and encourage this fine young boy and give him the individual experience you alone have to give...

Thanks,

Catman

Chris

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[AjsMom in reply to Hidden]

I noticed that he used to love and play football, he quit because he didn't feel he fit in with the other teens on the team. He said they're all in shape and didn't feel up to their standard and has been working out, watching what he's eating, amazingly lost 40 lbs. Not many friends and now realize it's because of his social anxiety. He says he felt better at home alone playing his games verses hanging out with others but I know it's because he feels so self conscious of himself. I don't like that he's happy now with playing his games, I feel like he's isolating himself by sitting at home. I'm hoping by him moving in with me full time things will change or I guess I'm hoping they will. He has been growing up with 2 loving parents but he says Dad has started to become an angry person and is always hard on him. He doesn't feel like his Dad will take what he's going through seriously and will tell him to just shrug it off so he came to me. He knows I listen to him and his feelings. I couldn't feel more thankful that he wants to talk to me about this and praying 🙏 I can help him in a healthy way. I was on meds for mine my whole life. No longer on them and feel so much better. And because I go to AA which I call my free therapy I guess I no longer feel the need for a therapist or meds to make me feel better. I've learned how to deal with life on life's terms. AA teaches and shows people how to deal with life on life's terms. It's amazing. When I'm there and others talk about drinking and their feelings, I've replaced the word drinking with anxiety, I think everyone in the world could benefit from a group like this, it definitely helped me with my drinking (which I turned to likely due to my anxiety) but I realized how much it helped with my anxiety depression and ptsd not just fighting alcoholism. It's amazing how much you can learn from others in these meetings besides staying sober. I wish they had a group similar to AA to help teens with anxiety. I want him to feel better about himself and feel like he fits in. If he could get the right help now I know he could avoid the horrible nightmare that has just started from getting worse. He's a good kid. I always know where he is, I don't have to go out looking for him or be afraid he's up to no good and I'm praying I never have to. I'm blessed to have such an awesome amazing boy. He just needs good direction and the right tools. I wish I did. And from experience, I know if he gets it now, he can avoid so many issues as he gets older. I just want to see him happy. Thank you so much for your advice. I will come back here tomorrow before he gets here to talk and maybe show him this sight for him to know he's not alone in this as a young man. Bless you

[Hidden]

His self consciousness is very important in what causes him to suffer from Anxiety.

Unknowingly he (like a lot of us) is deciding who he is as a person, by how other people look at him and decide that he is.

Their opinion of me is what matters —

my opinion of myself has no importance at all.. His feeling less than in football was unfair and just the way it is, but had the ability to make him feel that the one sport he really likes he’s just not good enough at and doesn’t fit in at all.

This would discourage even the best of us.

What we love to do makes us feel bad.

Ask him to list the 3 best qualities about himself that cannot change based on some perceived lack of fitting in our ability.

Start with this and there’s so much more to it to do. But overwhelming a person with new thoughts or things to do will not do them any good.

Keep Trying,

Chris

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[SweetStomach]

My 16 yr old daughter has a lot of social anxiety and she has tried everything from meditation, yoga, counseling, and hospitalization. I can tell you that if your son is coming to you about this then he really needs help. The only thing that has drastically helped is Lexapro. She started taking it about 5 weeks ago and she is a different person. She says that all her anxiety has gone away. Make an appointment with your sons doctor and they can send you in the right direction.

[Anij3443]

YAY! I think this is awesome! He told you! That's half the battle right here. I would highly recommend finding a great therapist. By the way, you have done a wonderful job letting your son know that he can always come to you. That's important. Praying for both of you as you walk through this journey together.