I just want to sleep, not die

[Rufus07]

So I don’t have to feel anything….so I don’t have to cry hysterically every single day. So I dont have to feel so lost that I’ll never be found. So I won’t upset or embarrass people. So my words won’t make people feel uncomfortable. So people don’t have to be annoyed with me and feel sorry for me. If I could only find happiness in something…anything. I feel so hopeless. I don’t how to help me. Therapy has never helped me. I just started weaning of a med that I feel is making me worse. I just started it 4 months ago. Doctor doesn’t think I’m having any side effects. Sorry for complaining. I just needed to “talk”to someone.

[Hidden]

We're all ears 👂

[Rufus07 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for listening 🙂

[Hidden]

I hope something helps you soon. Just writing this is strong indication you want better days Prayers x

[Rufus07 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you🙂

[ThreeBigDogs]

I have felt like you shared and needed to vent this morning. You are not alone. I have experienced severe, therapy and drug resistant depression many years ago and it eventually improved. I know it's hardest to see hope at times like that, but I'm reminding myself that everything changes - bad never stays bad forever. The fact that we are on this site shows we want to get better (have some hope) and that we aren't alone. It also helps me to remember that my thoughts and feelings aren't real - meaning, just because I think something and support it with feelings, doesn't make it valid. I know my perceptions are only that - my own perceptions, not necessarily reality as anyone else perceives it. (Note, I am in no way invalidating anyone's feelings, including my own). I hope you find a solution sooner vs. later.

[Rufus07 in reply to ThreeBigDogs]

My anxiety and depression seems to be getting a lot worse the older I get. Why do thoughts and feelings feel so real if they’re not? I know that most of mine are real. I see how people act around me. Feel sorry for me. Walk on eggshells around me. For the most part I just isolate so I don’t have to make anyone uncomfortable. Even though I know isolation isn’t a good thing, it’s what I’ve always done. I’ve never been one to pretend everything is ok if it isn’t. I can’t put that fake face on. Doesn’t work for me.

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to me.

Hope you’re having a good day 🙂

[fauxartist]

No need to ever be sorry Rufus....been there too.... many, many times....and still love to sleep when I'm overwhelmed. All I could do to function during those dark days was to try and remember that when I woke up.... I still needed to make the choices for me...and not worry about how other people feel about me...that's on them. If you feel you've embarrassed yourself....yeah...I get it, but it will pass....if you let it, ....when we dwell on that kind of stuff we just get buried in regrets and guilt and shame...all toxic and paralyzing...if you give up on you....nobody can fix you, only you can make choices... Depression is a liar...it makes us think we need to find a reason to feel sad or bad, and often people blame themselves...it's not your fault, it's chemical, this isn't your fault..and since your sharing...that's reaching out....we are here to reach back....your not alone.

[Rufus07 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for your reply

[Card_Collector]

This post is very relatable to me. I too often resort to sleeping to escape everything. Thinking is mostly painful. Dealing with emotions is difficult. I’m lucky I have a job that I mostly enjoy and keeps me busy most of the time, it seems to help me a lot. If I had to work 7 days a week I don’t think I’d be upset about it. Less time to think about things that make me sad. Less time to abuse a substance. I pray things get better for you and myself. Thanks for sharing and God bless.

[Rufus07 in reply to Card_Collector]

Thank you for reading and responding. God bless you also. Hope you have a good day!

[Rufus07]

Therapy has never worked for me. The man I see is my med doctor but we do talk also. I just put up with him because I only see him once every 3 or 4 months for a check up. I don’t want to start over with someone else.i figure someone new is just going to tell me the same things so why bother.

Thank you for your reply and suggestion.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I've been feeling like this. Been having some sort of problem with my weight. Now I'm so confused if it's something psychological or medically wrong with me. I've seen my psychiatrist yesterday and he gave me another week to maintain weight and take my low dosage of Lexapro/ gain weight and if I don't maintain and lose weight, I have to go to the hospital.

I'm trying my best. I got a new therapist but I just started seeing her. I've been maintaining but apparently that isn't good enough.

I just want to go into a coma and wake up and everything is good again.

Sending love and hugs 🫂❤️

[Rufus07 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

On you on meds that mess with your weight?