My first call to the suicide hotline(wanted information on where to get help)(didn't want to end it ) needed help B4 that level comes

[Anonymousmee]

I have been trying to become a better person..more happy well at least trying to then I thought it would be a good Idea to write letters to people who really caused damage then after the 3rd letter I was thinking about all the trama and just for one second I was like my life has been nothing but hurt and a few moments of happyness and I tryed to remember when the last time I experienced true joy and I can't remember... So I thought y live in a life full of sadness and the burden of my family and friends always see me sad I don't even call them anymore cause it's the same story and I don't want them judging me or maybe I don't wanna be annoying so I called the hotline just to finally ask for help for my mental health disorder that what's to make me feel things in a very deep way .I let this depression cost me friends, distance from my family, now my sleeping and eating habits are worce i feel disconnected from reality I feel like I don't belong anywhere which make the anxiety start cause I feel like I'm being socially awkward and that people can tell I really don't want to be there but I don't want him to think I'm being rude ..and I know it's just the depression making me feel like this ..and I'm pissed off that I couldn't get better on my own I tryed so hard so now im getting help .. but it is now effecting my life and has gotten to the point where I can't hide it .so I have to get help I know I do I just don't well I'm going to this is going to be my 10th psychologist.im so annoyed with myself

[Roukaya]

Given what you have said try to see if the professionals can give you the support you really need

I have also lost friends due to depression

Also a Psychotherapist to tap into why you are so unhappy

If you could see beyond your depression and sadness a find a way out this would help in your recovery