Postpartum Anxiety

[Vicksterr]

Hey there! I’m 29 with a 14 month old amazing daughter. I have always had anxiety and managed it fairly well. Unfortunately before the birth of my daughter two years prior and I had a miscarriage while on vacation. During the time of the miscarriage as well as during the first trimester and half of the second trimester with my daughter, I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I lost 30 pounds and I end my anxiety heightened because I was worried about the health of my baby. Now that she’s older I feel anxiety has gotten worse, if I see anything on the news, on social media, or the newspaper, about something tragic happening to a child or family I instantly see my daughters face in the situation. The last time I had an anxiety attack what’s the last time I had to leave her overnight with her dad, whom is a great father. I just feel no one can take care of her better than me, with all due respect. I come from a family in background of mental, physical, drug, emotional, and alcohol abuse. I would say to an extent this has worked in my favor as I know exactly what not to do as a parent. Anxiety has begun to take a toll on my confidence and my career, as well as my sex life. There’s more but I am slowly trying to unload it all as this is something I have not done before.

Thanks for reading.

[No1wthayla]

Hi, Vicksterr.

I'm sorry about your anxiety problems. And post-partum, I believe, can make it worse. My daughter was about 3 months old when I went to the ER for hip pain. I had her with me. I openly told the nurses at the front desk that I hadn't wanted a baby when I first found out I was pregnant. I thought about adoption and miscarrying as a solution (naturally caused issues but I sort of wished for this). But abortion was out of the question. They took this to mean I would harm my daughter or myself so I was forced into a 3 day hold at their "stress center."

I hated it. My mom or maybe it was my sister took care of my kid so no child protective services were called. I played it smart and was able to convince the therapists in 2 days that I was perfectly fine. That the nurses misunderstood what I had said. And I managed to get released a day early.

But I was terribly upset about that fiasco and depressed and anxiety got worse day by day. I was also sleep-deprived because my baby didn't sleep through the night until she was 10 months old. I fought post-partum and slowly pushed through. I learned to "mostly" control my anxiety. The depression stayed but it was an abusive childhood that caused most of that. My daughter is now 26 and I still have depression/anxiety. I have been on a good medication combination that is helping and HU has helped me a ton! Sharing my problems with those who understand the conditions I have has given me more hope. The responses make me feel "normal" and cheer me on to keep fighting. I hope you continue to post here and let us share inspiration with you. Prayers, hugs, light and love to you!

[Vicksterr in reply to No1wthayla]

Hi honey, you are so strong and I’m thankful for you staying your experience. Funny fact: I actually found out I was pregnant on Father’s Day, lol. I know that anxiety is different for everyone, and that no ones day to day is the same. But I’m glad & inspired that HU has helped you feel better, it’s relieving. I wish you continuous improvement with your anxiety/depression & I’m happy to be someone you reach out to. You got this! There are so many you do and don’t know rooting for you. Prayers, hugs, love && light to you too!

[No1wthayla in reply to Vicksterr]

Thank you for your kind words, Vicksterr. I really appreciate it. Started my morning on a high note.

[Vicksterr in reply to No1wthayla]

Most welcome ❤️

[Rachel2535]

I am proud of you for beginning to unpack all the pain you are going through or have been through. It took me years to get to that point, years wasted. I too had a very rough past and that left me completely hopeless for so long. I can tell you that it is been over 10 years now that I have been healed of depression. Don’t give up. Keep talking, keep fighting and seek help. God has a way of taking the broken and making beautiful things out of it. I am praying for you. -Rachel

[Vicksterr in reply to Rachel2535]

Thank you so much Rachel, do my best a day at a time is all I can do. I always try to remind myself that stress is a lack of faith. I’m proud of you & your success! I’m sure that even if small, there were still lessons learned throughout those years. I appreciate you.