Struggling right now

[Heavyboulder81]

Struggling over here! A lot going on... bottom line, my husband and I are not getting along. He's not the most emotionally supportive person and I clearly have a mental illness. We've been together for almost 17 years, and have 2 small children together. I have an older daughter from a previous marriage who just left for college. I have a lot of guilt from not doing the right things with raising her. My husband constantly reminds of things I failed as a mother with her as I also dwell on them myself. She's very dependent. But has a sweet sole. And God I love her and miss her terribly right now. Our youngest son is almost 3 and is special needs. Our middle daughter is very bright and wise beyond her years. My husband has trouble with alcoholism. My MIL is also an alcoholic. He and his family have a very strained relationship, just as a side note. They're not good people and my husband has tried to distance himself from them. My husband is very smart and recognizes his problem and has stopped drinking. However, his moods and personality changes frequently. There's a lot of tension and turmoil in our household right now. We will be fine for a couple days, almost tricks me, but then it always cycles back to negative. All I want to do is raise happy and mentally healthy children.

I suffer tremendously with anxiety and depression. My depression hits all time lows and I'm in one right now. I've basically come to the solution that me ending my life is better than divorcing my husband. I don't have a plan so I don't need a crisis intervention at the moment but it definitely feels relieving to eliminate myself from my current situation. I'm not looking for attention, or even any responses in particular. I honestly don't know what I need. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.

[hypercat54]

Hi I wouldn't call running you down over the way you raised your daughter 'not emotionally supportive' I would call this nasty and totally uncalled for. Try and not to mention any faults in the way you raised her and remind him and yourself that you can only do your best, and you have. No one can expect more from you that your best even if it's not good. I am sure your daughter realises that as well.

It's not an either/or situation about divorcing your husband you know! It sounds like you need to put your mental health first and give it priority. If you did end it all you would be doing is passing your pain onto your children who would never get over it. They would always feel guilty that they weren't enough to save you and will suffer a lifetime of pain and guilt. Don't do this to them. Seek help please. Keep talking to us in here as well as we will help and support you as much as we can.

Sending you some lovely comforting hugs. x x

[CatIsMyCopilot]

Would you be open to calling a mental health hotline? Here is one:

suicidepreventionlifeline.o...

"24/7 free, confidential phone line that connects individuals in crisis with trained counselors across the United States. People do not have to be suicidal to call – reasons to call include: substance abuse, economic worries, relationships, sexual identity, illness, getting over abuse, depression mental and physical illness, and loneliness."

I know you said you're not looking for attention or responses, and I completely believe you, but I also believe that talking to someone when you're feeling like this can really help. I have called a mental health hotline before, and felt a bit better and more grounded afterward.

[blacchyna]

Your husband sounds very toxic yet, you speak so positively about him which shows you love him but rn you need to love yourself a little bit more and get some help talk to your mom maybe?or grandmother?or a therapist..At this point you need to stop focusing on the past focus on now.Your daugther is in college at least right she's not a drug addict or a hobbo so you didn't do that bad.I suggest you focus on what good memories you can make with your children NOW before you get too old you know?

As to your marriage it's hard to be happy around a person who constantly makes you sad we all MAKE MISTAKES .You forgave him for being a heavy drinker right? He should do the same there's no reason he should constantly remind you from your past flaws.So maybe couple therapy can help or leave .Your children need a mother divored or not.I'm sure they love you everyone loves their moms.Don't be so hard on yourself.

GOOD LUCK

[All_alone]

Good afternoon. Getting our problems out can often make us feel a little better. I can relate to some of your feelings regarding an unsupportive husband except I have no children. If you would like to message me, feel free to do so. Hugs and comfort to you.

[SuZQ154]

Your sadness and tiredness seem understandable. Reaching out and being honest about your feelings are often the first steps to helping depression. Kudos to you!!

You seem to love your husband and have a long history. Would you and he be willing to see a marriage counselor? Having someone walk alongside of us with an unbiased perspective and some new strategies for old problems and behaviors can sometimes be what we need.

Please keep posting!

[joibronxen]

If it helps you to know that you're not alone...you're not. I have been married for 14 years and have three small children. My husband has an intimacy disorder, which brings such a weight that I think I could catch my breath if he weren't around. Everything is on me with the kids and our home. I have a lot of positive to say about him too...he's very competent and very hard worker...but not at home. Not for me. I struggle with deep depression and resentment. At one point, I was so depressed and so unable to give my kids the best of me, that I believed that they would be better off if I weren't there and they were raised by a step mom/grandparent. I started researching ways to do it without it being obvious that it was on purpose because it was absolutely unacceptable for them to believe that I left them by choice. I used to be a leader of sorts in our youth department at church and the response I would have said to one of those young people would include "there is ALWAYS another option." This is what finally made me realize that leaving my husband actually WAS an option and that being married to him couldn't cost me my life.

Your sentiment about wanting just raise happy, healthy children is my daily source of extreme parental guilt. They deserve so much better than me...but there is NO ONE who would or could love them more than I do. And that counts for so much. We beat ourselves up and we're so unkind to ourselves. And I'm so sorry that your husband is mentally abusing you about this...because he is. That is so terrible. But I hope you can recognize his behavior as his ugly...not yours. None of us get this thing perfectly. And I do carry a ton of guilt...but the truth is, too, that I believe that we all are doing the best we can on any given day. You can message me if you'd like.