Not hearing from a family member.

[Poodie]

I have a kid living in another part of the state. I have not heard from him. I have texted but no answer, I have called, no return call. I am getting more worried. I don’t know how to cope. He is not usually like this but since he was laid off he is more unresponsive. I sent money to tide him over, got a thank you, but nothing since then. He has never called to inquire about us even though we are in our 70’s. We are o k but could use a hello. I am feeling a combo of worried and hurt.

[kenster1]

oh poodie that must be a worry I really hope there is an explanation do you know of any friends that you could contact or has he been active on social media.

[Poodie in reply to kenster1]

Thanks Ken.

Yes, I finally decided to contact his condo mate. He is fine. Just inconsiderate, I suppose. I do not know when they are going to realize that we are getting old and need a hello every so often. I tried to convey this to him so we shall see. My other one ( lives closer) did stop by to see us, offered to get groceries, etc.

We had them when we were old already and we never wanted them to worry about us not being there for them. It seems hard for them to turn that around now that they are adults.

I appreciate your reply. I get anxious when I don’t hear from a family member with all this going on. ❤️

I was losing it. I appreciate your support.

[Junella in reply to Poodie]

I understand. This apparently is a pattern--remember that and don't worry. Thankfully you have others who show their care. He is probably discouraged over his work and into himself.

[Poodie in reply to Junella]

Yes I think you are right. I was too anxious to remember my pattern. I do need to slow down and remind myself.

Also, he absolutely loved his job and where he worked. He is worried they will not reopen. So you are correct. I am worried for him too, but no one has any control except for what we do to take care of ourselves.

Thank you for helping me.❤️

[Harleyquin1]

Hello Poodie

II wish I had a solid answer for you try not to worry don,t really help.

My kids and family all live 200 miles away and i know I can be guilty of not replying to them if i am feeling troubled by stuff I also know its wrong of me and not the right thing to do.

I just find I close up and am literally unable to interact with anyone phone will just go unanswered for days . I will throw it into a dark corner and pretend it dose not exist.

yet when I do look at it again there is something nice about having been contacted.

My Kids do know now we have talked about it I have always been like it, they except it is who i am. They just keep sending messages regardless.

If I cant communicate then I just can not do it.

So I Hope this helps, its the best i got I do feel for your situation all my love XXX

[Poodie in reply to Harleyquin1]

Thank you Harleyquin.

I appreciate your response. I do understand where you are coming from. I have a tendency not to want to talk sometimes also. But if it is my kids I answer because I do not want them to worry.

So this is a fine kettle of fish! I answer and pretend to them that I am fine sometimes when I am not, because I do not want to burden them. I think it would be best if all of us in my family were honest, me included. I get depressed but it’s not like I want to kill myself, so they really do not have to worry.

My mother was forever my whole life depressed, tried to kill herself 3X’s, and never cared enough to be there for us kids. I guess she was way too incapable. I never knew what to expect when I got home from school. So I have a skewed perspective. I always felt an obligation to take care of her (even though she hated all us girls in the family).

Anyway, first his partner returned my text and then my son texted me. I just explained to him that I needed him to keep in touch with us and I would appreciate hearing from him. He is not ill, thank God. I just worry and get myself anxious, and I expect them to not to be inconsiderate. It had been over a week. I think he understood and we are fine.

Thank you so much for answering. Really appreciate your support. ❤️

[Junella in reply to Harleyquin1]

Yes, I have had those feelings like I love my friends but don't respond or call first. I have the feeling I might be bothering them. As a child I was shy and withdrawn. I do better when I force myself to interact with people. I have learned the best response to my feelings is to do the opposite of them. If I don't feel like doing something--that means I MUST do it.

[Starrlight]

I’m so sorry you are hurting and worried right now. I really hope you get a hello soon. ❤️

[Poodie in reply to Starrlight]

Hi Star.

Thank you for answering me. I appreciate that you reached out.

I worry a lot, especially about my kids. I was turning myself into a basket case because I am usually anxious anyway and things are getting worse with this virus.

I had not heard from him in over a week despite my texting him. He does not usually ignore me so I conjured up the worse. After I contacted his partner, his partner texted and then he did. So all is well.

I think I got across to him that especially with this virus going around I expect him to contact us periodically. He is an adult and I expect him to behave responsibly toward his family and not just call us when he needs something.

I am so glad you were there for me. ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Poodie]

I’m so glad you heard from him. I can imagine the worry before and the relief after he contacted you. Any good mom would feel that way.

[SunIsShining]

Depression is often genetic, has he had any depressive episodes in the past? This might be one

[Poodie in reply to SunIsShining]

Hi Dolphin.

Thank you for responding. Yes, like me, he has a tendency towards anxiety. He has not been depressed in a long time, but that is always in the back of my mind.

I was concerned about mental but his physical health also. He was an athlete in school but then he started smoking. He got laid off due to his place of employment having to close. He got anxious about that of course which I am sure makes him smoke more. He does have a cough, had asthma when younger, and would be much better off if he’d quit.

I do not want to bring it up now but I did find out he could get support on the HU forum for that. I hope someday he will take advantage of it.

Thank you very much for writing in. I appreciated hearing from you. ❤️

You take care.

[SunIsShining in reply to Poodie]

You as well! And I hope everything works out

[Hidden]

I’m sorry to hear that. Depression can drag us all down. Maybe leave a message leaving it all out on the table about you being worried, and being hurt. That’d make me respond at least.

[Poodie in reply to Hidden]

Hi rockstar.

Thanks. I did that and I think it worked. Glad to hear from you.

[Hidden]

I would be hurt, and worried too. I am 68, my husband 71. Kids these days just want from us, they think they are intiled . I have PTSD from many traumatic things happened in my life, and my children never cared. We have done so much for them, including my youngest who knew she was marring a slug. We have loaned them money to get out of debt many times. Let me tell you the only reason we done it is for my beautiful grandchildren. My youngest said to me one day. Parents are supposed to be there for there children, but not the children there for their parents. We never raised them like that, My husband, and I come from god awful abusive families, but we never, ever talked to them like that. So if you have any grandchildren tried to be close to them, we have we know how much they love us, as we love them. We are hoping the way we teach them how to be good, and kind people will work this time. If you don’t have any, you two talk care yourself. I know right now with the virus, it’s hard to do things, to enjoy life. But hope will bring this to an end, and you two go enjoy life. Because we can’t change our children, what they have become. The intiled generation. Much❤️

[Poodie in reply to Hidden]

Hi ghi.

I am sorry that happened to you with your kids. Sometimes kids do not think of us as needing anything. I hope yours will grow up and change even if it takes a miracle. I am happy you have your husband and your grandchildren for now.

I do not have any grandkids yet. I hope someday I will.

What are you planning to do to enjoy today ? It is a beautiful sunny day here. My husband wants to drive out to the country for a ride. I think we will do that later.

Thank you so much for your kind support! ❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to Poodie]

My children will never change, they used to be wonderful daughters. One is going to be 46, and the other 43. We are doing yard work today, it a beautiful day in Arlington Hts .Illinois. Have many perennials, and a small pond under a birch tree. When you have grandchildren, you will see that they are the lights of you life. Take that drive look at all the beautiful thing growing. Have a nice day.❤️

[Poodie in reply to Hidden]

I have always loved birch trees and find ponds lovely in any setting. Sometime, take a photo for us on here. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Will do,when blooming starts, and he puts on the ponds fountain. This is river birch , the trunk is wonderful too.❤️

[Want2BHappy3]

Sorry to say... he’ll probably reply to you when he needs money ?

[Poodie in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Wow . I just wrote you a long reply then ran out of power and lost it all. I will get back to you another time. For now, take care❤️ Thanks for responding.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Poodie]

I hope I didn’t offend you? That wasn’t my intention. I was in a Rush for a doctors appointment. You’ve been nothing but kind and supportive.

[Poodie in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Hi.

I was not offended in the least. Please do not worry about that. I had just written you a long response and lost it. I simply did not have the energy or time to repeat myself. ❤️

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Poodie]

That’s Good I just Care that you’re So concern, with what’s going on additional Stress is something No one needs. Take care 🙏

[Poodie in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thanks. Agree, we all have stress with this situation and that can even make us more venerable to getting ill.

[Esther228]

Hi there,

I have two sons and two stepsons, so I know what you mean about not hearing from them, especially when you are concerned. I’ve found that when I start to feel anxious about any of them that I keep praying for them, and periodically send a text message of encouragement to let them know that I am thinking of them. Sometimes, I’ll ask my husband to send a message, they seem to respond more quickly to him.

It is such a tumultuous time for everyone with the Coronavirus and with everyone becoming so isolated, then add the worries of finances in the mix and that just adds to the anxieties, frustrations, and fear. I have to remind myself that everyone deals with stress differently; especially with being laid off of work, as our work gives us purpose. When you are normally working and now you aren’t it is un-nerving. Right? Especially, since being laid-off is not a choice. Now, he is having to try to figure out how to provide for himself, fill his days, and is probably wondering what’s “next”.

One of my sons becomes more silent when he is trying to work through the problems and just doesn’t want to talk about them. For me, just sending him an encouraging word of Scripture, or a quick note telling him that I am thinking of him, makes me feel better. I know that he will come around. I have to remember that it isn’t about “me” it is just where he is at the moment.

I am glad that you and your husband are doing well, and you are so sweet to send him a blessing. I hope this encourages you today. I pray that he finds peace (and I am glad to have read in your posts that you finally heard back from him) and that he has a job waiting for him after this time of isolation has passed.

[Poodie in reply to Esther228]

Hi Esther.

Yes, everything you said is true. He usually does respond, so I began imagining he may be ill. I just wanted him to know that we have needs too and even just a quick reply was expected.

I want him to be thoughtful and realize that we are getting older now.

I think he is in a funk just like we all are to a varying degree. Being out of work really shook him. He takes pride in being independent and taking care of his own needs. Plus he loves where he works and the people he works with. These people are like family to him.

He is afraid the owner will not be able to open up again when this is over. There is no guarantee on who or which businesses will make it, however I am hopeful for him.

I really appreciate your support. Thank you for responding. ❤️

[Want2BHappy3]

I’d like to explain why I wrote what I said? It’s because you mentioned that you got a reply when you sent money otherwise you didn’t. It was a red flag to Me? He had to know by all the messages you sent and the calls you made, he had to know how concerned you are. Not fair to you to Not let you know that he’s ok. It’s just out of Courtesy. Hope he replies Soon to put your mind to Rest 😴

[Poodie]

Hi want to be.

Yes, of course your response had a very real basis.

He did finally reply. He was not ill. I think he was just caught up in the same questions and concerns we all have re. this virus and the effects it is having on all of us worldwide.

I am still his mom and I wanted him to be courteous and respond and to realize we have needs too. I agree it was not fair or courteous of him not to respond. Yet I do understand .

It is kind of a joke among parents I know that kids always will call when they need something. It happens. He called when this first started and his place of business closed because he needed support. I don’t mind helping him but I do not want to be left to worry without a reply from him. It is a two way street and so we worked that out just fine.

I do worry a lot.

I hope you will have a good day. I sincerely appreciated you responding to my post. Take care❤️