prenatal depression

[noni09]

I am a newly wed and we're expecting however, my husband has always had a short temper and he is an excessive drinker. he is verbally abusive and it hurts even more now that I am pregnant. I worry that i will only get worse with time after the baby arrives because already whenever I walk into the room or try talk to him he seems annoyed. I don't even have a family to turn to. recently i got mugged and as melodramatic as it may seem it has triggered my old suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure what to do at this point

[Hidden]

I am sorry. I have been there but no kids at the time. Now that I have a child I can tell you that it would have been a nightmare with him. Yes, it will get way more stressful. You will have disagreements about the care of the baby and rules and discipline while growing up. Those things are inevitable with happily married parents. But with his behavior it could be a very difficult life. You probably can't imagine yet how heartbreaking it would be to have your child see his behavior and God forbid the pain of him hurting your child in any way. At the first sign of this when the baby comes, I would get out of there. Don't let your child live like that.

[noni09 in reply to Hidden]

he does show that he's excited to have the baby, he even paid lobola (dowry) right after so that kind of complicates things. I feel kind of trapped

[Hidden in reply to noni09]

It's very exciting until it's gets real hard and he hasn't slept in months.

[Sprinkle1]

I agree with Melhall, find a place and leave. Get all the help you can, do you have a place near you that helps battered and abused wives? Call around to social services, go on line and see what you can find. I can tell you he will only get worse. This man does Not love you, so do not waste your time on loving him. You have a child to think about, that should not be brought up in those conditions, it will scar the child emotionally for life if you do that, ask me I am one....Look inside yourself, find your strength, ask friends for help, do not blame yourself, love, respect and believe in yourself. You can do it, and we are here to offer you love and support...Sending love n hugs, peace....Sprinkle 1.....

[noni09 in reply to Sprinkle1]

thank you so much for your support. I think once the baby arrives I will just be weary of his behaviour and if he doesn't change his ways I will have to hold a family meeting because lobola has already been paid and we're planning a traditional wedding

[Kweh123 in reply to noni09]

I don't want to sound harsh but he is unlikely to change his ways. If he is acting this way with you now being newly weds, when you're meant to be at your happiest, it's a bad sign. It's only going to get to worse and he'll be a threat to you and your child. Don't wait to see how worse it becomes. Protect yourself and your baby and move on.

[capeggy in reply to noni09]

STOP! This behavior will not change unless he seriously gets counselling immediately. There are hundreds of women who stayed "to change him" and are now dead or beaten, or their baby is. This is wrong for you and your baby. Just wish you would have ended this relationship before bringing a baby. If he rejects help, Run! Good Luck..

[lillyofthevalley37]

Think about your baby and all the joy it will bring

I wouldn't leave at this point as he hasn't phisically hurt you and he did give you this child and he is the father

[hypercat54]

I have to agree with the first 2 replies as having a baby can only put more strain on your relationship and make his behaviour worse.

[Timmypliskin]

Do whatever you have to do to get away.

Zero tolerance

[fauxartist]

I'm going to be very blunt with you, I am a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober for a very long time. I know how out of control your life is when your drinking and the damage it can do to the ones around us so....The truth is: It will get worse unless he stops drinking and gets some help. But The only one you can change is you....and with a baby....which is going to consume your life for a while....do you really want to subject your child to an abusive husband?

Start an exit plan now....yes....you did nothing to deserve this behavior from him, this is on him. And you will have a child to protect, as well as yourself. I watched my mother beaten by a drunken ex- when she was 9 months pregnant, and will never forget it.....so get out of this situation before any more damage is done....and don't say you can't....because if you have to...you will find a way. Most abused wives or husbands will go back to the relationship on an average of 7 times....don't be a statistic....be a warrior for you and your baby....

[mesfintefera69]

Please, Kindly, treat him

consult psychiatrists

[SuZQ154]

So sorry you are going through this. I have to agree with the others. Please, be careful and wise. We cannot change the other person....we can only change us. What do you believe in your heart is best for you and your baby? Praying for you to have the courage to follow through on what is in you heart!