Treatment Resistant Depression

[golddragon83]

I am new here and in desperate need of people who understand. In December 2014 I had a meltdown. Since then I have tried numerous medications, changed psychiatrists, did ECT, tried experimental Ketamine Infusions and although there has been some improvement, I haven't gotten my life back. I do almost nothing and cant motivate myself.

Out of desperation, i agreed to participate in a clinical research study. I went off medications and cant tell you how horrific that has been. 6 weeks later I finally got the treatment. They have no idea how long before it may help. Now I am hearing maybe a couple of months!!!! In the meantime, I can't try anything else. I knew this when i agreed to it, but i didnt think the meds were really doing much. Once off them, I realize they did more than I thought. Now i am just miserable. Mornings are the worst. I cant get myself moving. My goal is to do one thing a day. I dont always meet that. Hygiene isn't a high priority. I an disgusted to admit that. I am a burden on my family and my husband isnt handling this all that well. He is burnt out and overwhelmed and frustrated he cant fix it.

I know i should force myself to walk or go outside. There are so many things i should be doing that arent getting done. Im sorry i am rambling, but this is killing me. No, I am not suicudal.

There us so much more i can add but think i have put to much out there already. Thanks for listening.

[Marshall64]

I'm having the same problem with motivation. I'm going to my doctor tomorrow to see about changing medications. I'm on Lexapro and I think I have tried all of the antidepressants. I have not done ECT or ketamine. Those didn't help?

[golddragon83 in reply to Marshall64]

ECT did nothing, look into TMS instead. Ketamine is not covered by insurance and is expensive. It helped some. I long ago lost track of all the different meds i have been on. Many had nasty side effects. They all blur together now. I want to look into CBT oil, but have to wait to get approval from the clinical research people. I doubt i will get that for at least3 months. Three more months of this torture.

[Marshall64 in reply to golddragon83]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. I'm going to my doctor and want to try something different. Ketamine sounds promising but like you said it is expensive.

Have you looked into seeing if there are any support groups in your area? That is what is getting me through this rough stretch. It is good to be around people who understand what you are going through and may give you a break from family (in a good way) and get you out of your own head.

[golddragon83 in reply to Marshall64]

I really should look for a support group. Thanks for the suggestion.

[KimmieV in reply to golddragon83]

Im new here myself but your story is very similar to mine. ECT caused me to have memory loss and im no longer a nurse because of everything. I've never heard of ketaming treatment . I to slack on personal hygiene when I'm very down. It's just to much work! I live in a rural area where there are no support groups. No therapists at my hospital have any openings for Medicare patients so I'm just flyin solo. We are having severe financial trouble and I dwell on it and write numbers constantly like I could figure it out. It doesn't change. I am willing to give my cell phone number to anyone that needs someone to talk to or someone that could advise me. Hang in there!

[MARYRD27]

First, I am so sorry for you. I frequently hear of new treatments for depression. The latest is “hallucinogenic” drugs. I have it in parentheses as I believe there is a medical term to describe them. This evening I heard an interview with Michael Pollan on The New Science of Psychedelics, his latest book. You can listen to it on NPR’s Fresh Air. It sounds pretty far out there, but you’ve tried everything else.

[golddragon83 in reply to MARYRD27]

I think the Ketamine is considered hallucinogenic.

[MARYRD27]

Yes. I’m wondering if there is another one. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear all of interview, but it did offer other insights.

[golddragon83 in reply to MARYRD27]

They kept waiting for me to have an out of body experience. I never did. I rarely remembered the experience, but I did come out of it into a panic attack. That wasn't fun. It did help some, but like everything else, not enough for me to get my life back.

[MARYRD27]

Ugh. A lot of my depression is caused by anxiety, so I take Xanax. It’s amazing what a difference it makes for me. I hope you find something.

[golddragon83]

I take klonopin and am not sure how much it helps. I can still have a panic attack just an hour hour taking a pill.

[KimmieV in reply to golddragon83]

I need klonopin at night to help shut my brain down. It's very helpful to me

[MARYRD27]

Judi Buch makes an excellent point about the fear of anxiety causing more anxiety. I have the same problem. Regarding hallucinogens, it's psilocybin, a naturally occurring ingredient vs ketamine (which I believe is synthetic), that has shown great promise. I just heard another interview on it on Science Friday today on NPR. sciencefriday.com/episodes/.

My depression is primarily caused by anxiety. I found the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne to be of tremendous help. Just reading it has helped calm me. There is so much to relate to.

Also, it's helped me to look at the roots of my mental health issues - too many kids in the family resulting in emotional neglect, a father with PTSD constantly flying into rages, physical violence, ... Anyway, when you look at what happened in your childhood to cause how you feel now, it helps make sense of it. And finding a therapist who gets it is so important. If they've never had a panic attack or extreme anxiety, they can be clueless.

[dore13]

I have this and lost half my life to useless pills that had no effect, ECT just gave me a headache. then I was in a Ketamine study, and it saved my life. I give myself an IM shot once a week. Is it expensive, very much so. But how can I put a price on living a life, and not just existing in it. Maybe you can find a compound pharmacy that is more affordable.

[1800girl in reply to dore13]

Does it still work I’m thinking about it

[dore13 in reply to 1800girl]

Yes, it still works.

[Wrigleyville in reply to dore13]

What is an IM shot?

[golddragon83 in reply to Wrigleyville]

Intramuscular. Usually in the thigh, butt or arm.

[courageovercomfort]

I took myself off my meds once bc I was doing so well, and found a spiritual program, I did t think I needed them. It was the worst thing I could have done.

I can relate to personal hygiene taking a backseat. Showers have become so hard for me during this second bout of depression I’m experiencing.

My husband can not relate and most of the time just looks at me like I’m crazy when I explain how difficult the simplest of tasks is for me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hang in there!

[golddragon83 in reply to courageovercomfort]

Never go off meds cold turkey! That is the quickest way to go into an awful spiral. You always have to wean off slowly. My husband has been patient, sorta. I started this thread 2 years ago and I am still struggling. I can't counts the different medications we have tried. I have no motivation to do much of anything. I hate having to leave the house, although I do so more than I used too. For a while I was exercising, but it didn't last, even though I enjoyed the class I was taking.

I see me psychiatrist tomorrow and we are going to discuss the FDA approved version on Ketamine. Assuming my insurance will approve it, it has to be done in authorized facilities, you have you stay 2 hours afterwards for monitoring and you can't drive afterwards, I think the expectation is 2X a week for a month, but to be honest, I'm not sure about that.

My breakdown was 5 years ago and I have never gotten anywhere near "normal" in all this time. My husband tries to be understanding, but it's been such a long time!! He is sooo burned out by me and the kids. His job has gotten bad in the past couple of years so he gets no breaks. I did finally, about 1 year ago got him to see a therapist because he was depressed and exhausted. That helped a little.

I admit, I wonder if this is just the way my life is going to be. I hope not, but it's hard to be positive.