Hello guys,
I’m 24 years old I have always wanted to have a big family, but my boyfriend think we’re too young to start a family.
We been together since high school We have been together for 10 years. We moved together 2 years ago and I been asking him for a baby now he says is not the best time due to cov19.
But I do want a family I think having a baby will get my anxiety and depression better,
I don’t want to wait anymore 😭
I know it must be hard, but I think your boyfriend has a point. Because we don't know the full intensity and duration of the situation, and what that will mean for the economy, it's wise to hold off for a little while.
You don't want to put too much stress on yourself when carrying a baby, if possible.
My daughter is 7 months pregnant, she is enduring this virus pandemic on the surface but deep down she is a frantic mess. Financial worries on top of being pregnant, she is very inconvenienced right now.
I think thinking this will relieve your depression and anxiety is backwards. Your problems and worries quadruple, not get lesser.
Your very young, waiting longer till this life as we know it now, changes, in my opinion is the smart thing to do. I think listening to your boyfriend is a wise idea.
I think you should wait. This is a terrible time to be pregnant or have young children. You have many years and should enjoy some time with your spouse. After a baby, so much changes and you may wish you would have waited.
Thank you all for the advised I will take it in consideration I’ll just wait and hope those situation gets better. I wasn’t thinking out of the box ❤️❤️ Thank you all
Dear it is not the best time to have a baby. They don’t know much about this virus, and what it could do to you, or even if you were pregnant to the baby. I will tell you from experience, a baby will not help your anxiety. I had my first child at 20 years old, married. You cannot not believe how much you worry about that child ,that you love more then anything. It causes so much anxiety. Get you anxiety under control first, and this virus gone, then think about a baby, your are young, you have time. You have to think about that child you want first. Much ❤️
Thank you so much GhI123 ❤️ I truly appreciate all the advised
Before you or anyone decides to start a family, seriously think about the following:
- Are you emotionally ready to be a parent? Remember you will be responsible for physically maintaining a pregnancy for 9 months, then keeping the baby alive 24/7 for 18 years. Can you handle this?
- How involved will your boyfriend be? Is he emotionally ready to be a parent? Does he even want to be involved in raising a child?
- Is your living situation stable? Do you have a house/apartment to live in? Do you have the living space for a baby? Is your living space in good working order? Do the utilities work, does the roof leak, does it have lead paint? Can you afford the monthly rent/mortgage or are you constantly under threat of eviction/foreclosure for nonpayment? Can you pay your utility bills on time?
- Do you have a stable income? Can you financially support a baby/child? Can you afford to buy a crib, baby clothes, diapers, and other baby items? You will be responsible for that baby's food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and education for 18 years. Do you have the money for this?
- Do you have a job? If so, do you get paid maternity leave? If not, how will you afford the baby? Can you afford day care while you're at work? If not, how will you arrange child care? How will you afford it? Does your job provide benefits such as health insurance, sick days, PTO? If not, how will you provide well-baby care?
- Are you in school? If so, how will having a baby affect your continuing and completing your education?
- Does your boyfriend have a stable income? A job? Does it have benefits? Can he support you financially while you're caring for a baby and not working? Again, how involved will he be with you and the baby?
- Are you currently taking any medication for anxiety and depression or anything else? If so, how will the meds affect your fetus? Can you stop taking them while you're pregnant? How much worse will your symptoms get when you're off your meds? And if you resume your meds after giving birth, will they get into your breast milk? If so, how will they affect your baby? Can you stay off your meds for a year or so? How will you feel?
- You say you want a big family. If so, you need to think about all these things BEFORE you have each additional baby. This stuff never goes away. It only gets more complicated.
- If you have a big family, what kind of future will your children have? Remember, they do grow up. Will jobs exist for them when they're adults? Can you afford to send them to college? How will they live in a diseased, environmentally-ruined world? This world is already overpopulated. You don't want to contribute to the problem.
These are things that YOU (and everybody) NEED TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER before starting a family.
Something else you said is troubling. HAVING A BABY WILL NOT IMPROVE YOUR ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION. Absolutely not! HAVING A BABY WILL WORSEN YOUR SYMPTOMS. Ever hear of postpartum depression? Friends of mine have had it, and it's awful, seriously debilitating. If you already have depression and anxiety, you are more likely to experience worse postpartum depression. How will you handle it? How will your boyfriend handle it?
Any parent will tell you that raising children is the most stressful job ever. Expecting a baby to help YOU is completely unrealistic and unfair to the baby. Don't burden a baby with those expectations.
YOU must take care of the baby. The baby can't take care of you.
Moreover, having a baby will severely stress your relationship with your boyfriend. A baby will not improve it or bring the two of you closer. If you get pregnant and he doesn't want a baby, what will you do? Expecting the baby to help your relationship is unrealistic and unfair to the baby. Again, don't burden a baby with those expectations. I've seen many people try this and fail miserably.
Becoming pregnant and giving birth during a pandemic is never a good idea. For one thing, no one knows how the coronavirus affects pregnant women and fetuses. You are risking your health and that of your future baby.
When you're young, and you ARE young, it's easy to think that having a baby to love and who loves you will be fun and make you happy. What happens when the baby gets sick, or is cranky, colicky, pukes on your favorite shirt, cries all night every night, won't potty-train, has trouble in school, and argues with you? How fun is that? Think about it.
If you answered "no" to any of the above questions, or worse, dismissed them, then you (or anybody) are not mature enough to be a parent. Period. Mature and responsible people think and plan carefully before having a baby.
Be a responsible adult about this.
Excellent response... Children are not toys....
My experience was that my depression and anxiety got much worse when my first child was born. I would hope for the best, but not expect a baby to help things. You have time, you can still have the family you want if you wait.
I have not taken the time to read the responses of others. I will tell you this. You are never financially ready to have a child, no one ever is... This "Pandemic" will always be there, meaning , no matter when or where you go there is a "Pandemic" in the world . the last 20 years have been nothing but a "Pandemic" every year, swine flu , bird flu, h1n1, ebola, etc etc , look it all up at the World Health Organization the facts are all there. Of course these things are always something to be wary about and concerned about, who wouldn't be, but honestly there is always something going on in this Country or others for that matter no matter what, and there will always be something going on regardless if you have a baby now or not. I would say that 10 years is a long time together, and that is Wonderful for you, but it comes to the time where you both need to sit down and decide where is this relationship going and the goals you both have in mind, and serious look at which path this relationship is going to go, it sounds as if he is not ready for that commitment, but after how many more years are you willing to go by to have a child. Nothing of what I am saying is to detour you, or provoke a negative effect on your relationship, but really people seem to "forget" the years prior of everything that has been going on in this country and all the diseases and illnesses and war , etc and only focus on the now. Every Presidential Race Since Reagan there has been war or disease on those years.. Do the research.. Media hypes up a lot of the panic .
You should wait until you get your mental health issue resolved.My wife had a baby before she had her anxiety under control.the baby made it worse.also how are your financial situation.can you afford a baby.I agree with your boyfriend.let this virus problem be resolved first.is your boyfriend working ? because no money and a baby will cause MAjOR problems.Good Luck
I wouldn’t worry too much. Babies are a blessing and if you breast feed the cost isn’t too much because people are always willing to give you clothes and items. PS I’m 43 I have 8 children and I’m attending school to become a NP to be a midwife. I started at 18. Being a young parent was great
As always, YMMV.
Your not too young had my first at 19 maybe he has a point with this virus thing we was planning for another but I have to appreciate what I have with all this going on!i will say this though having a baby won’t make your anxiety and depression better no way on this earth!you will still have it and have other things to worry about if I was you I’d decide if this guy is really for you as your needs don’t match or you need to compromise about the baby issue when and will it happen it’s your right and 24 is not young
Hi
I think you have received a lot of wise advice about having a baby.
Age is not always a good indicator of when to have a baby, the reasoning behind wanting to do so is.
I would say try to think about the child you want from the perspective of that child/person as an adult, instead of a baby which is such a small part of a human life.
This world is such a complex and uncertain place at the moment and not just because of the virus. Environmentally unless drastic changes are made is it wise to bring children into it?
As humans we are lucky to have the ability to consider procreation unlike all other animals, and as such have a duty to only have children if we are fully able to provide for them financially, emotionally and in all respects to give them the best chance at a good life.
Our hormones drive us to have children, the pull is very very strong because basically that is the purpose of every cell to duplicate, basic I know but evolutionary hard to stop.
What it boils down to is that it is not really about what you want, rather what is right for your yet unborn baby/child/adult.
On a lighter note I would take a good look at a lot of Mums in supermarkets with a few children and see how calm, relaxed and happy they seem.
Enjoy your youth because it goes so quickly and if you do decide to have children you have many years ahead.
get married first. by the time you seal the engagement, tell your friends n family, plan the wedding, and have the big day it will be 6-9 mos from now and the covid-19 situation will hopefully be beyond the worst and rapidly improving. the start your family, only if you both still want to.
and btw, if either of you cant committ to getting married, then you certainly arent ready for the commitment of being parents
Girl, I feel you. I will be 21 on July 1 and I've been wanting a baby (or like 10) since I was a YOUNG teenager. I mean I know it's not realistic to have one right now because my mental health is SHIT and I can barely take care of myself. Oh and also I am single and FOREVER ALONE, which is a HUGE problem when thinking about having kids because I am obviously going to need a partner if (but actually WHEN) I have kids. But all in due time, I guess... Right? It will happen for both of us when the time is right and when it is meant to be for us.
Also, I am studying Psychology and Child Development in hopes that I will one day have the chance to become a Child Psychologist or a Social Worker or some other career that has to do with helping children in negative and difficult situations such as abusive situations as well as maybe Substance Abuse in the child's family and other issues/situations. Oh and I work with kids now as well. I work at a daycare (although I am unfortunately out of work right now due to COVID19). So I feel like whenever the time is right for me to have a baby (or babies), I am going to be as ready as ever.
Me tooo I have always been ready to start a family.❤️❤️
I don't think you are to young. My mom had her first baby when she was 21. However, I do think you should wait until the Covid 19 situation is under control.
Thank you & I totally agree with you I need to wait until cov19 is out of the country. I’m praying to God it will be soon.
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